Posted tagged ‘Nancy Grace jokes’

Scoring change.

February 19, 2012

Apparently Maine may recount their caucuses, and Mitt Romney could end up losing the state to Ron Paul. This after he lost Iowa in a recount to Rick Santorum. Looks like Mitt’s victories may win up beng as long lasting as his positions.

A new California Family Health Council program will allow teens in some counties to receive free condoms by mail. Said many teenagers “What’s mail?”

United Airlines is adopting Continental’s pet transport program known as “PetSafe,” which means that animals who are too big to fit in the cabin have to fly as cargo, not checked luggage. For many destinations this will significantly increase the cost. On the other hand, the pets will still be more comfortable than their owners in coach.

Paul Babeu is an AZ sheriff who became famous for opposing illegal immigration, and is now running for congress. He has been accused of threatening a male ex-lover with deportation if he made their relationship public. After texts were released, Babeu admited he is gay but denies making serious threats. When will they learn, love may fade, but cellphone records are forever?

Nancy Grace refuses to apologize for saying “who let [Whitney Houston] slip, or pushed her, underneath that water?” Prompting many to suggest that maybe what Grace herself needs is a few drinks and a long bath.

ESPN has apologized for using the headline “Chink in the Armor” referring to Jeremy Lin’s nine turnover’s last night in the Knicks loss to the Hornets. In related news, U.S. unemployment figures are about to increase by one.

On the other hand, for fans of politically incorrect humor, my comedy pal T.C Chong from British Columbia, who has the birthright to make Asian jokes, has a few variations on Lin puns.

For starters. “Chinese Delivery Ends”, and “Lin is just taking all this with a grain of rice. He says the people at ESPN can’t “Wok and Chu Gum” at the same time.” (Others in comments on yesterday’s post.)

The conservatives screaming about free birth control are often the same people screaming about those who pay no federal taxes. And who want to cut welfare, govt. subsidized child care, health care, etc. Really guys, if you want to reduce the number of poor people and kids, birth control should be a sacrament.

If it ain’t broke, Facebook will fix it.

September 21, 2011

Facebook came up with more “progress” today, thereby to many users’ minds, messing up a site they had just figured out how to cope with from the last “progress.”

What’s with these engineers and all this spare time? Can’t they spent their time playing “Angry Birds” or something? (And leave the site along for a few days.)


One way to get rid of the new Facebook page format (not a joke), is to switch your language preference to U.K English, and then it goes back to the most recent format.


But U.K. English? Aside from swapping “ER” to “RE” and adding “U”s to colour, labour, etc, what other changes will this bring. Have to wonder if my baseball updates will suddenly become about cricket. And I don’t even want to think about football jokes.

Many American users are now happy with the U.K English format. Although some of them are experiencing a disconcerting urge not to want to brush their teeth.

Sometimes there is a nice symmetry in the universe: DADT repealed on the same day as the 2011 premiere of Glee.

The Red Sox are clinging to a two game wild card lead. Normally this much potential embarrassment in Massachusetts requires one of the state’s politicians to run for President.

Manny Ramirez now says he hopes to play for a winter league team in his Caribbean homeland. Maybe he’s heard the Dominican Republic has really good pre-natal care.

Red Sox lose again, 7-5 after an eighth inning comeback by the mighty Baltimore Orioles? Has the entire Boston lineup signed up for an October vacation in Hawaii and not told anybody?

Executives at the online site Full Tilt Poker have been charged stealing more than $440 million in a Ponzi scheme. $440 million?! If convicted these guys should be so lucky in prison to draw cellmates in prison who are “inside straight.”

Charlie Sheen is apparently close to settling his lawsuit with Warner TV and is rumored to be receiving $25 million. Not a bad payoff for a guy who called his old boss, amongst other things, a “clown,” “charlatan” and a “turd.”

It will now cost $12 – up from $8 – to use a bridge or tunnel to enter New York City from New Jersey. Guess the NY Port Authority figures people will pay anything to get out of New Jersey.

The newly-christened Pac 12 announced tonight that they intend to remain a 12-team conference, thus for now closing off talk of an expansion that would have included Texas and Oklahoma. Wonder what happened? Does the Pac-12 have unreasonable requirements for student-athletes? Like classes? Or a salary cap?

Dancing With the Stars had their premiere last night. Casual fans who don’t follow the news might be forgiven for asking -“So who’s the transgender contestant – Chaz Bono or Nancy Grace?”

S.C. Gov. Nikki Haley now admitted that she had no evidence backing her claim that 1/2 of job applicants at a local nuclear reservation flunked a drug test. (The DOE said the number was less than 1 %, and of hires, not applicants.) Haley said “I’ve never felt like I had to back up what people tell me. You assume that you’re given good information.” Wow, sounds like she’s ready to run for president.

And R.I.P. Dolores Hope, Bob’s widow, who passed away at the age of 102. As Marc Ragovin said “Only slightly older than her husband’s jokes.”