Posted tagged ‘Mariners jokes’

« Left Coast Sports Babe home page

It’s 3am in Washington, D.C.

July 27, 2011

Do you know where your debt ceiling is?

–

Okay, let’s borrow from reality television and solve this debt ceiling thing in about one night. Lock Nancy Pelosi, John Boehner, Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell in a “fantasy suite” together and don’t let them out until they have a deal.

–

President Obama referred to the fight over the debt ceiling as a “partisan three-ring circus.” Prompting calls for an immediate apology, from Ringling Brothers.

–

In California, controller John Chiang stopped paying lawmakers when they couldn’t agree on a budget. Maybe we should have sent him to Washington, D.C. Monday along with the San Francisco Giants.

 

–

Baseball stat of the night. Jered Weaver of the Angels has more wins in July (five), than the Seattle Mariners (four.)

–

Apparently the New York Giants are considering resigning their former wide receiver Plaxico Burress. When asked, Giants management said they decided they might as well take a shot at it.

–

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft, on the end of the lockout. “”I hope we gave a little lesson to the people in Washington because the debt ceiling is a lot easier to fix than this was.” Well, that ought to put rest to the rumor that NFL owners are a bunch of self-absorbed narcissistic jerks.

–

Bengals owner Mike Brown insisted on Tuesday that he won’t trade quarterback Carson Palmer, who said he would retire rather than play again for Cincinnati. So in terms that Bengals fans understand, Brown considers Palmer’s contract “non-bailable.”

–

A man at New Orleans’ airport injured a United ticket agent when he accidentally fired his hunting rifle while trying to check the gun with his baggage. Well, good to see Dick Cheney’s getting out and around again.

–

Phillies fans are apparently planning to jeer Bruce Bochy for all three games the Giants are in San Francisco, because they are mad that he used their star pitchers in the All-Star game. (Really.) But to be fair to the fans, this is a tough time of year in Philadelphia, it’s at least four months until they can boo Santa Claus.

–

Tuesday night the Seattle Mariners and Doug Fister (3-11) took their 16 game losing streak against the New York Yankees and C.C. Sabathia. (14-5) I think the Christians had a better chance against the Lions.

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 3 Comments

No scoring at home.

July 17, 2011

 

In the first three games after the All-Star Break at Safeco Field, the Seattle Mariners have scored a total of one run. Does this make them the official baseball team of Major League Soccer?

–

From Gary Morton:  The Mariners have been shut-out in 2 of their last 3 games and have been outscored 38-10 while losing 8 straight. They haven’t been this befuddled since manager Eric Wedge held up a bat in a team meeting and asked, “does ANYONE know what this is?”

–

Apparently “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2” has broken box office records by taking in $168.6 million domestically this weekend. That’s particularly amazing considering almost none of those moviegoers came with dates.

–

One of the tenets of the anti-tax movement is that rich people are smarter and more productive about spending money than the government. But for many years one of the richest and biggest spending franchises in baseball has been the Chicago Cubs.

 

–

A Legoland theme park near Dallas, Texas is now displaying a “Lego Dirk Nowitzki” that they got from Germany. The 7 foot tall statue is made from 25,000-30,000 Lego bricks, and took 3,000 hours to build. Apparently Miami tried to get a “Lego Lebron James” too, but builders kept stopping when they were three-quarters done.

 

–

Listening to Fox announcers talk about how terrible the Oakland A’s ballpark is for hitters. (Big and with huge foul terrority.) Can you only imagine what the Giants’ team ERA would be if they played there? We know San Francisco’s lineup would be collectively below the Mendoza line.

–

Michele Bachmann accused President Obama of having “choot-spa.” Really? Isn’t “choot-spa” what angry gun-toting women do in Texas when they are unhappy with their mani-pedis?

–

Congratulations to Trevor Bauer, the former UCLA pitcher and Diamondbacks draft pick for winning the “Golden Spikes Award.” The award is given annually to the best amateur baseball player. Many were disappointed it didn’t go to a member of the Houston Astros.

–

Five ‎ North Korean womens soccer players tested positve for steroids. According to ESPN, the delegation told FIFA the steroids were accidentally taken with traditional Chinese medicines based on musk deer glands to treat players who had been struck by lightning. And a number of MLB and NFL players said “Damn, why didn’t we think of that?”

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Comments: 2 Comments