Posted tagged ‘Leland Yee jokes’

A long, long, time….

March 27, 2014

Miguel Cabrera just signed a 10 year, $300 million contract with the Detroit Tigers. Wow. By current Dodgers’ standards that’s almost enough for a good utility infielder.

The #Philadelphia #76ers , 15-57, have lost 26 straight games. The real question, how did they ever win 15?

Some of the NCAA’s freshman basketball stars claim to be undecided about entering the NBA draft. Maybe the young men are just trying to figure out their odds of being stuck with the 76ers.

The Milwaukee Bucks ended an eight game losing streak by beating the LA Lakers 108-105 tonight. And anyone who watched that game with the Sweet Sixteen as an alternative is probably guilty of March Madness.

 

Will the video of the Stanford Cardinal’s lackluster performance in the #SweetSixteen be titled “Sleepwalking in Memphis?”

 

Baltimore RB Ray Rice has been indicted for 3rd-degree aggravated assault. Maybe Rice was trying a little too hard to become a Ravens legend like Ray Lewis.

Amazing, a sixth-grade girl in Oklahoma set a world record by selling over 18,000 box of Girl Scout cookies. What’s more amazing? She did it without living in Washington or Colorado.

A 22 year old woman who killed her husband by pushing him over a cliff in Montana eight days after their wedding was sentenced today to 30 years in prison. Well, at least the marriage really was until “death do us part.”

 


Start building that shelter in the backyard. Last year Stevie Nicks says there was “more chance of an asteroid hitting the earth” than Christine McVie rejoining Fleetwood Mac.

Pat Robertson’s latest “Jesus wouldn’t bake a cake for a gay wedding.” As if they would have wanted Him to bake a cake. The happy couple surely would have preferred that water into wine bit.

California State Sen. Leland Yee, who was arrested yesterday, today withdrew from the secretary of state race. His lawyer “This was a very personal decision on the part of the senator. This is what he wanted to do.” Uh, no, what Yee wanted to do was not to get caught.

A taxpayer-funded report from a law firm hired by Chris Christie found that the NJ Govenor was not involved in the Bridgegate plot. Presumably the same firm will back up Bud Selig’s statement that steroid use in baseball is now virtually nonexistent.

Despite an aide’s saying otherwise, Chris Christie says now he “does not recall” being informed about traffic jams near the George Washington Bridge last September. Guess the NJ Governor really does see himself as the next Ronald Reagan.

An 18 year old Norwegian man had a McDonald’s receipt tattooed on his arm. And guess what, ladies, this guy is single.

For all those who fly on commercial planes and think “It could be worse,” you are about to be proved right. Airbus is going to start making A380s with a 3-5-3 coach configuration.

A number of employees at LAX have been arrested for allegedly stealing from passengers’ luggage. 25 (!?) police raids recovered belongings including clothes, electronics and jewelry. Scary, but really, why does anyone put JEWELRY in checked luggage?

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From T.C. ” The NFL will be penalizing the slam dunk celebration with the football over the goal post this year. So let’s say you celebrate your TD by taunting the defender covering you, dunk the football over the goal post and also call someone on the field the “N” word, your team will be kicking off from its own 1 yard line.”

Crushed?

March 26, 2014

Bad news for the Secret Service as three agents were sent home from Amsterdam for being intoxicated. Good news, apparently they were too drunk to find prostitutes.

The maker of “Candy Crush Saga” saw their stock fall about 15% after the IPO today. So now it’s not just the game players who are disappointed with their level.

The NLRB has ruled Northwestern University football players can unionize. This is what comes of letting nerds play football.

Manhattan men’s basketball coach Steve Masiello apparently had an offer to coach the Univ. of South Florida rescinded when the school discovered that while he attended Kentucky, he lied about getting a degree. In Masiello’s defense, will he claim that not graduating will make him better able to relate to today’s college players.

In North Korea, all men must now have the same haircut as Kim Jong Un. I guess this is the equivalent of women wearing ugly bridesmaid’s dresses to make the bride look better?

I really hope the latest satellite images help them locate MH 370. But really, haven’t we had the “Break we’ve been waiting for” headline almost daily since the plane went missing?

Three California State Senators are now facing criminal charges. Louisiana is sniffing “Amateurs!”

 

Yeah, if he is found guilty, Leland Yee is a nominee for hypocrite of the year. A Democratic California State Senator who favors gun control, arrested on charges that include gun trafficking. But if the charges are true, it doesn’t mean that gun control is wrong, it just means that Yee, for all the good he has done, is an idiot and an a**hole.

 

How to feel old. Hear an American Idol contestant say she was glad she remembered the words to “Rhiannon”, because she “just learned it.” Fleetwood Mac wasn’t even my favorite band, but heck, hard to graduate from high school in the late 70s without knowing the song mostly by heart.

Now seems like there are still about 100 people missing, down from estimates of almost 200, in that awful mudslide in rural Washington but very little coverage. Think the big news networks would pay more attention if the state could come up with a conspiracy theory for why the slide happened?

Roger Goodell says that it’s unlikely the NFL will be able to expand the playoffs in time for the 2014 season. Translation, there isn’t time to do a big $$$ TV contract.

The Supreme Court has agreed to hear a case on whether employers, for religious reasons, can deny including birth control as part of their healthcare plans. Sure hope a codicil to this ruling will cover whether employers, for religious reasons, can also deny coverage for Viagra to all men who are not married to women of childbearing age. (And that only for the time of month their wives are ovulating.)

Am thinking that whatever that #CopenhagenZoo considers the “Circle of Life” is never going to be featured in a Disney movie.

 

Gwyneth Paltrow announced she and her husband Chris Martin are separating in a blog titled “Conscious uncoupling.”” “Conscious uncoupling?” Sounds like a description of “one-and-one” college basketball, or maybe what the IRS does with you and your money in April.

 

From Alex Kaseberg:  “Following his lap-band surgery, New Jersey Gov., Chris Christie, has lost 100 pounds. Or as they call that in New Jersey: dropping a Snookie.”