Posted tagged ‘lawyer jokes’

Video evidence

June 20, 2015

A video is going viral of a squirrel running around Citizens Bank Park and entering the Phillies dugout, causing  players to scramble.  Well, makes sense.  The squirrel was more frightening than anyone in the Philadelphia lineup.

http://atmlb.com/1K2KtZe

 

 

A German man has posted a video after a breakup showing him sawing all their communal property in half with a power saw, including a teddy bear and a pickup truck. Wonder how many calls he’s gotten to option his story for a country song?

 

It may be the only time I ever say this.   But, well played, Mitt.

“Take down the #ConfederateFlag at the SC Capitol. To many, it is a symbol of racial hatred. Remove it now to honor #Charleston victims.”

The bride whose Waldorf Astoria wedding reception was cancelled after one of her guests accidentally shot off his gun, injuring four people, is now suing the hotel “for millions.” Her attorney told the New York Post: ‘We are planning to sue the Waldorf for the costs of the wedding and the emotional harm suffered by the bride and groom, whose dream wedding was destroyed for no reason whatsoever by Waldorf personnel.”

And some wonder why Shakespeare wrote “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”

And then in contrast to Mitt Romney on the Confederate flag issue, Texas Sen. Ted Cruz said the last thing the people of South Carolina need is “people from outside of the state coming in and dictating how they should resolve it.” Right, but Cruz has no problem telling other states what to do about gay marriage….

Apparently hundreds of NPR listeners were outraged and threatened to stop donating when the network had Kim Kardashian on the quiz show “Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me..” Amazing. That so many NPR listeners would admit to knowing who Kim Kardashian is.

 

Max Scherzer throws a no-hitter and misses a perfect game with 2 outs in the bottom of the ninth because Jose Tabata leaned into a pitch. Maybe the Nationals need to sign Bob Gibson or Pedro Martinez to a one-game contract tomorrow to give Tabata a little baseball education.

 

Justin Maxwell was only in the ‪#‎Giants‬ ‪#‎Dodgers‬ game because ‪#‎Aoki‬ left after being hit by a pitch in 1st.  And he hit a 2 run home run.  Karma is now wearing a particularly bitchy grin.

In Texas, a volunteer firefighter was fired after apparently posting on Facebook that the Charleston terrorist “needs to be praised for the good deed he has done” Leaving aside the awfulness of the comment, just how stupid do you have to be to be that racist right now in public?

 

Paul Pierce, 37, apparently is going to play again in the NBA, either returning to the Wizards or signing with the Clippers. Does Pierce think he’s too young to play for the Spurs?

The Orlando Sentinel is reporting that a local man is recovering from “non-life threatening” injuries after accidentally shooting himself…..during a gun safety class. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

 

 

Jason Day, who has been suffering from vertigo, and who collapsed at the end of Friday’s round, shot a 68 Saturday and is in a four-way tie for the lead after the third round of the U.S. Open. Right about now Tiger Woods is thinking, how do you catch vertigo?

The Heat is On.   

June 10, 2013

For San Antonio Spurs fans Sunday’s game against the Miami Heat was almost as horrific as last Sunday’s “Game of Thrones” wedding.

That late third quarter run by the #MiamiHeat against the #SanAntonioSpurs could almost be considered elder abuse.

You think you have a tough week, month or year ahead at work. You could be the lawyers assigned to defend Ariel Castro, who apparently plans to plead not guilty on all counts.

UCLA was the first qualifier for the College World Series. At this point they might be a better amateur team than the Los Angeles Angels.

Interesting that the Tony awards and the NBA finals are on the same night. One uses statues, the other uses free throws, but they both reward acting.

Since May 31, the NY Mets were swept by the Miami Marlins in five games over two series. Who knew that the best day so far in June for Mets fans would be last Friday’s rainout?

The suspected Santa Monica gunman was ID’ed today. Previously he had only been identified as “male.” With these mass shootings doesn’t that kind of go without saying?

And another thought about all the killers in shooting sprees being male. Aren’t women the ones who are supposed to be in homicidal rages every month?

Meanwhile, in Arizona, a 4 year old boy accidentally shot his father with a gun he found while they were visiting,   Proving once again, guns don’t kill people, children kill people.

 

On a lighter note, in his first inning in the major leagues, San Francisco outfielder Juan Perez caught a ball against the padded fence in Arizona that made all the highlight reels.  Good thing Perez’s opening start wasn’t against the Cubs with the brick walls in Wrigley, or he’d be viewing those highlights from a hospital bed.

From Gary Bachman:  ” Tennessee deadbeat dad Orlando Shaw has fathered 22 kids to 14 different women. I’m shocked– Shaw has never played in the NBA.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Working for peanuts?

April 7, 2013

peanuts

 

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then this is a very long blog post.

And I’m not sure how many employees the boutique grocery store chain “Trader Joe’s” has,  but they clearly have more than enough lawyers.  (Picture is not a joke.)