Posted tagged ‘Guan Tialang jokes’

“Wah wah woh wah wah”

April 11, 2013

Peter Robbins, 56, who was once the voice of Charlie Brown on the Peanuts specials, has pleaded guilty to stalking his ex-girlfriend. Wonder if she’s a little red-haired girl?

Down in Single-A baseball, Chicago Cubs prospect Jorge Soler was fined and suspended five games for approaching the opposing team’s dugout wielding a bat. The punishment could have been worse, but since he was a member of the Cubs organization, baseball officials figured he actually wouldn’t hit anything.

Major bench-clearing brawl in San Diego during the Dodgers-Padres game tonight. This would never have happened in today’s Giants-Cubs game – it  WAY too cold for anyone to voluntarily leave the dugout.

Zack Greinke apparently has a broken collarbone after the brawl. Waiting for Wayne Pierre to say we need to arm pitchers.

This Greinke injury could scare other MLB pitchers away from pitching inside. Well, except Barry Zito. He knows no hitter would risk the embarrassment of charging the mound after being hit by a 50mph fastball.

New England CB Alfonzo Dennard, who was accused of assaulting an officer in April 2012, has been sentenced to probation plus a 30-day jail sentence. The jail sentence will begin on March 31, 2014. 2014? How long until Lindsay Lohan tries for the same deal on rehab.

A new study from National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism says that Americans tend to eat more calories and fat on the days they also have alcoholic drinks. Uh, couldn’t we have gotten the same results for a lot less $$ by sending the scientists to a few Happy Hours?

Bud Selig has rejected San Jose mayor Chuck Reed’s for a meeting to discuss the Oakland A’s hopes to move to a San Jose ballpark. But maybe Selig will appoint a blue-ribbon committee to spend 5 years looking into the proposed meeting?

A Northern California Junior High school has been in the news for prohibiting girls from wearing tight-fitting pants because they’re “distracting to teenage boys,” Uh, with all due respect, almost everything, including girls, is distracting to teenage boys.

Joint joke with my friend Alex Kaseberg:    As the Masters began, many eyes  are on 14 year old Chinese golfer Guan Tianlang. Wonder if he’s a retired factory worker?

So why aren’t those opposed to background checks for buying guns also opposed to driver’s license exams? After all, cars don’t kill people, people kill people.

So how has it gotten to the point that it is now considered a major victory, not to have legislation passed, but even to get it debated and voted on in Congress?

From T.C.   “North Korea is moving a missile supposedly capable of striking the US mainland to their east coast. Satellite surveillance confirms the weapon is being transported via rail. The good news is, there is no sign of the gigantic rubber band that will be needed to launch it.”

Actually,  if Kim Jong Un is such a basketball fan, maybe we should send Shaquille O”Neal over to follow Dennis Rodman.   Maybe Shaq can give those aiming the missile some of his famous free throw shooting tips.