Posted tagged ‘Brian Wilson jokes’

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Mr. Wilson goes to Washington.

July 26, 2011

And maybe the President can’t solve the debt ceiling crisis, but he did do something amazing on Tuesday – got Brian Wilson to put on a suit  Without cleats

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Los Angeles officials say they have a tentative agreement with AEG to build a new football stadium “Farmers Field,” near the convention center.

They hope to have the stadium built in time to lure a professional team in time for the 2016 NFL season. Or failing that the Raiders or Panthers.

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Listening to “the Bachelorette,” Ashley talk to the last two men jointly at the rose ceremony. She told them to focus on the relationships she has with them individually, instead of thinking about what’s going on with the other guy….. Thinking, hmm, is this what Mormons tell their wives?

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So the NFL lockout appears to be open and training camps will open later this week. What a relief for parole officers in Cincinnati, who will now know exactly where to find their Bengals’ “clients.”

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The U.S. Postal Service on Tuesday will release a list of 3,653 post offices that could be shut down. Wonder if they’ll post the list on Facebook and Twitter?

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Brett Favre’s agent says talk of his client attempting another NFL comeback is just “speculation.” Translation, no team has made Brett a definite offer yet.

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President Obama apparently stated when he met the Giants in the White House “I do fear the beard.” Maybe he’s hoping he can sic Brian Wilson on John Boehner.

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A new study found that women are more likely to send sexy text messages than men. Duh, texts are basically talking by typing. Women are likely to do ANYTHING involving words and talking more than men.

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Final details of the deal that ended the NFL lockout  are not yet available. As in who gave who the final rose?

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The lateness of the NFL labor accord means that Jim Harbaugh is even more likely to have to stick with Alex Smith as 49ers QB this year. Which is good news for San Francisco fans who hope to see the team be able to draft Andrew Luck in 2012.

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This weekend the 7.5 percent tax on air travel temporarily expired during budget negotiations, so it should have been a price break for travelers. Except major carriers just hiked their fares to cover the difference for extra profit. Trickle-down economics? Right. Just means we all get trickled on.

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From Bill Littlejohn:  Jay Cutler insists that he called off his wedding due to a torn MCL and that he did not quit on Kristin Cavallari”

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Another title bites the dust.

July 15, 2011

The latest, Georgia Tech was put on four years probation by the NCAA.  The school was also fined $100,000 and stripped of it’s 2009 ACC football title game victory.

So which BCS committee is going for the honest approach first, and renaming their game “The Asterisk Bowl”?

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While a number of athletes were in attendance at last night’s ESPY awards, none of the Miami Heat showed up. It was just like a NBA finals fourth quarter.

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One good thing about “What me worry” useless MLB commissioner Bud Selig, he’s pretty hands-off as far as hijinks. If Brian Wilson was subject to the authority of No Fun League commission Roger Goddell, he’d need to set up a line of credit for the fines.

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Another thought about Brian Wilson’s spandex formal wear at the ESPYs. Thank God he didn’t convince Prince Fielder or C.C. Sabathia to come with him wearing the same outfit.

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The judge who declared the mistrial in the Roger Clemens case felt he had no choice as prosecutors had disobeyed his instructions about inadmissible evidence for a second time. Amazing incompetence. Were these clowns doing this in hopes of getting jobs some day prosecuting celebrities in Los Angeles?

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From Marc Ragovin:  I’m not saying that the prosecutor in the Clemens case purposefully took a dive, but Roger was just credited with his first intentional walk.

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The scandal involving Murdoch newspapers and illegal eavesdropping etc just keeps growing. Apparently one of them tried to infiltrate John McCain’s presidential campaign communications. But no one could decipher the smoke signals.

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Sarah Palin on the debt ceiling issue – “it’s the time to reload and we reload with reality.” This could be the first time “Sarah Palin” and “reality” have appeared in the same sentence.

(Although on another subject, clearly that criticism after the Tucson shooting of Palin’s using the crosshairs imagery with her opponents didn’t bother her too much.)

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Norwegian Cruise Line is now offering pizza delivery 24/7 on their ships, for an extra charge of $5 per pizza. Apparently for all those people who can’t make it on twelve meals a day.

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Netflix, owner of one the most popular brands in the U.S., decided in a down economy to raise their prices 60 percent. This could go down in history as the smartest marketing decision since “New Coke.”

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The scandal involving Murdoch newspapers and illegal eavesdropping etc just keeps growing. Apparently one of them tried to infiltrate John McCain’s presidential campaign communications. But no one could decipher the smoke signals.

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Some are saying that Tim Pawlenty’s refusal to sign the anti-gay, anti-porn, anti-choice “Family Leader” pledge may doom him in Iowa. Since when did being intolerant to the point of “bat sh*t crazy” become a requirement for potential GOP Presidential candidates?

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And this is just tacky, but what the heck.

Brian Wilson was a major hit at the ESPY awards. Most Americans haven’t seen such an impressive beard since Katie Holmes.

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Gremlins

July 14, 2011

Yes, another back to back post.  (Thanks TC for noticing.)   Blame the late post of yesterday’s items on the gremlins in Brian Wilson’s beard.

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Open note to all baseball fans: If ANYTHING Brian Wilson does or wears shocks you, you haven’t been paying attention.

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New York GM Sandy Alderson said that the team is not giving up by trading Francisco Rodriguez. Yep, avid Mets watchers know the season was over at least a month ago.

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What’s with all these pledges Republican presidential candidates are signing these days, the “no-tax” pledge, the “Family Leader” pledge…? Guess the “Pledge of Allegiance” isn’t good enough anymore.

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USA women beat France Wednesday 3-1. And a lot of those bandwagon fans who celebrated the win over Brazil, said “Wait, there was another game?”

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According to the New York Times, an NCAA official told Auburn coach Gene Chizik that they are not done investigating the team’s football program and the recruitment of Cam Newton. So a question, when the Tigers vacate THEIR national championship, do they tear up the pictures of them at the White House with Obama?

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‎Twenty-eight months ago Bud Selig set up a “Blue Ribbon Committee” to look into a possible Oakland A’s move to San Jose. Last night after the All-Star game he said “No decision yet, they’re still studying it.” Almost 2 1/2 years later? Who’s chairing this committee- Brett Favre?

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From Marc Ragovin  – “So many players nowadays find excuses for not playing in the All Star game, it has become baseball’s equivalent of jury duty.”

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Kentucky’s first NASCAR event last weekend turned out to be a traffic disaster. Many fans were stuck in their cars for hours and didn’t even make it to the race. GOP gubernatorial candidate David Williams referred to the gridlock as a “national embarrassment for the state.” Almost as much as Mitch McConnell?

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Speaking of McConnell,  the Senate Minority Leader stated Wednesday in an interview about his debt ceiling strategy, that he has an “obligation” to his party not to be sucked into a “horrible position politically that would allow the president to get re-elected.” Yeah, what’s a little national default and global depression if the GOP can take back the White House?

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Bristol Palin is now saying of her family that “we have God on our side.” Ah, that explains it – God must have encouraged her to get drunk on wine coolers just to create another little Palin.

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Just rereading the “Family Leader” pledge for candidates. And wondering, when one of their adherents gets pregnant, do her friends throw her an ‘innocent fruit of conjugal intimacy” shower? (Yes, that is the term their pledge uses to describe children.)

And what of for, example, the “innocent fruit” of wine coolers. Do they not deserve protection too?

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The latest to “fear the beard” – NBC censors.

November 5, 2010

 “The Machine” joined Brian Wilson on the Thursday’s ” The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.”  Even Conan said, “Okay, now that’s twisted.”

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Apparently there was talk of censoring “the Machine,”  until the powers-that-be realized no one was really watching the Tonight Show any more anyway.

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Good thing Wilson chose baseball over football. Tonight’s appearance would have guaranteed a fine from the No Fun League.

(assuming anyone reading this is familar with “the Machine.”  For his origins, google “Brian Wilson” and “Chris Rose” interview.  Maybe without children under 10 looking over your shoulder.)

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They’re still cleaning up from the parade and celebration in S.F.  But says T.C.  – “At least the field at A T and T Park isn’t frozen over, like it would be at Wrigley if the Cubs ever won.”

Actually, my friend Alex Kaseberg had a great joke on the same topic:

“Isn’t the San Francisco Giant’s AT&T Park beautiful? I’d say it is as beautiful as Chicago’s Wrigley Field in late October, but nobody has ever seen Wrigley Field in late October.”

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Longtime New York Mets clubhouse manager Charlie Samuels has been suspended due to allegations of illegal gambling.   So far, however, the allegations,  are only for betting on horse racing and football, not baseball.  Makes sense, who in their right mind would bet on the Mets?

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Considering how many Americans seem to think the new Congress will just waive a magic wand and fix everything, it’s surprising more of them didn’t vote for someone who had at least dabbled in witchcraft.

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For the last three elections, especially in Congress, many Americans have voted for “change.” Translation “make MY life better.” Wonder how long it takes them to discover that this latest group of electeds won’t instantly make that happen. Stand by for another vote for change in 2012.

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After Tuesday’s elections, President Obama offered the Republicans a post-election olive branch. John Boehner offered one back, tipped with curare.

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Bristol Palin apparently was too busy to vote in this election. Does this mean that when she’s done with all these reality shows Sarah’s daughter plans to run for Governor of California?

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Actually, Sarah Palin didn’t take the news too badly.  Of course the bar has been lowered a bit when Bristol says “Mom, there’s something I need to tell you.”

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George W. Bush will apparently appear on “Oprah” to promote his memoirs. The former President has now joined an exclusive club – those who have written a book before they read one.

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One definite bit of good news about SF Mayor Gavin Newsom’s election as Lieutenant Governor. No one will be able to accuse him this time of focusing on a campaign for his NEXT elected office and neglecting his duties. (The California Lieutenant Governor doesn’t really have any.)

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The NCAA has dropped one of the serious charges against Michigan football coach Rich Rodriguez, and only added one year of probations to the team’s self-imposed punishment. Apparently looking at the Wolverines’ record lately, the NCAA couldn’t see that the school had gained any advantage from the infractions.

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