Posted tagged ‘birth control jokes’

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Scoring change.

February 19, 2012

Apparently Maine may recount their caucuses, and Mitt Romney could end up losing the state to Ron Paul. This after he lost Iowa in a recount to Rick Santorum. Looks like Mitt’s victories may win up beng as long lasting as his positions.

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A new California Family Health Council program will allow teens in some counties to receive free condoms by mail. Said many teenagers “What’s mail?”

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United Airlines is adopting Continental’s pet transport program known as “PetSafe,” which means that animals who are too big to fit in the cabin have to fly as cargo, not checked luggage. For many destinations this will significantly increase the cost. On the other hand, the pets will still be more comfortable than their owners in coach.

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Paul Babeu is an AZ sheriff who became famous for opposing illegal immigration, and is now running for congress. He has been accused of threatening a male ex-lover with deportation if he made their relationship public. After texts were released, Babeu admited he is gay but denies making serious threats. When will they learn, love may fade, but cellphone records are forever?

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Nancy Grace refuses to apologize for saying “who let [Whitney Houston] slip, or pushed her, underneath that water?” Prompting many to suggest that maybe what Grace herself needs is a few drinks and a long bath.

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ESPN has apologized for using the headline “Chink in the Armor” referring to Jeremy Lin’s nine turnover’s last night in the Knicks loss to the Hornets. In related news, U.S. unemployment figures are about to increase by one.

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On the other hand, for fans of politically incorrect humor, my comedy pal T.C Chong from British Columbia, who has the birthright to make Asian jokes, has a few variations on Lin puns.

For starters. “Chinese Delivery Ends”, and “Lin is just taking all this with a grain of rice. He says the people at ESPN can’t “Wok and Chu Gum” at the same time.” (Others in comments on yesterday’s post.)

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The conservatives screaming about free birth control are often the same people screaming about those who pay no federal taxes. And who want to cut welfare, govt. subsidized child care, health care, etc. Really guys, if you want to reduce the number of poor people and kids, birth control should be a sacrament.

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Parenthood, and other birth control jokes.

February 17, 2012

Rick Santorum is distancing himself from a major donor’s comment about using aspirin for contraception. After Foster Friess said that “gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.” Santorum called Friess’ comment a “stupid joke.” Wonder if Rick figured that out before or after he fathered seven children.

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Those who oppose Obama’s efforts to get birth control coverage for women who work at church-affiliated institutions are framing it as an issue of religious freedom. But about the religious freedom for churches who are willing to marry gay couples?.

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The Miami Heat play in Cleveland Friday, and Lebron James just said he would be open to returning to play for the Cavaliers at some point. This I think is the cue for the P.A. announcer at “The Q” to serenade King James with a recording of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.”

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Late bloomer story of the year: When the Palo Alto High basketball team defeated Mater Dei for the CA State Championship in 2006, the Vikings had 0 players heading to D1 schools, while the Monarchs had several including Duke-bound superstar Taylor King.

Now King is playing for the Quebec Kebs of the National Basketball League of Canada, and Palo Altos’s Jeremy Lin…..

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R.I.P. Gary Carter, who was only 57. I once heard Bob Brenly talk enviously about the great camaraderie “the Kid” had with umpires. For Carter, the best PED was a smile.

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CNN announced they have canceled their Super Tuesday debate, because Mitt Romney, Ron Paul and Rick Santorum all have canceled their appearances. Guess the three GOP candidates were afraid CNN would do something terrible during the debate, like report exactly what they said.

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Apparently Newt Gingrich is still willing to take part in the proposed CNN debate which has been tentatively canceled due to the other three top candidates pulling out. Well, it could be interesting. Americans could watch Gingrich debate himself.

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Got to love the Donald, who now talks about helping Romney because “If you look at the tea party. If you look at the Christian coalition. If you look at a lot of different groups, I have very, very strong relationships with them.” Hmm, wonder how these compare to his “good relationship with the blacks.”

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Interesting parallels between the reaction to the deaths of Whitney Houston and Etta James. Both were great singers with complicated and difficult personal lives. But Houston died at 48, and James lived until 73. Proving again, that the way to achieve eternal superstardom is to die young.

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Maybe when the NBA season is over President Obama can appoint Jeremy Lin to a temporary position to work on unemployment. Lin’s already done the seemingly impossible with jobs – saved Mike D’Antoni’s.

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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