Posted tagged ‘BCS jokes’

The BCS and other hoaxes..

October 19, 2009

The Saints beat the Giants 48 to 27. New York hasn’t been shocked by that much scoring since the Letterman scandal broke.


A Colorado sheriff now says the whole “Balloon Boy” incident was a hoax. Apparently the final straw was hearing that the parents were writing a book about the story with Clifford Irving.

But okay, a boy accidentally getting into a balloon and floating away. Seems reasonably plausible. The Oakland Raiders beating the Philadelphia Eagles? Now that’s got to be a hoax.

Actually, in his defense, Richard Heene, Falcon’s father, said he was preparing the balloon to help defend the country against the coming Martian attack on Halloween.


The whole incident does illustrate one important lesson. When planning a conspiracy, it is best not to rely on the discretion of a six year old.


Many in Washington are disappointed that despite some economic recovery, unemployment numbers are still high. On the bright side, those numbers may soon include Jim Zorn.


Am not completely sure why the NFL rejected Rush Limbaugh as a potential owner for the St. Louis Rams. After all his insensitive remarks, can you think of a better expensive punishment?


One bit of good news in Toronto. The Maple Leafs 0-6-1 start has pushed the Argonauts off the front page.

(translation for American readers, the Canadian Football League Toronto Argonauts do have 3 wins, but have a stranglehold on the title “Worst team in the league.”

After the Cincinnati Bearcats trounced #21 South Florida, and have face two top 25 teams on their remaining schedule, they actually have a potential RPI (Rating Percentage Index) high enough to give them a legitimate claim at the BCS championship game should they win out.

Which explains, why behind closed doors at headquarters, BCS now stands for “Beat Cincinnati, SOMEONE.”

USC was disappointed to be ranked 7th in the first BCS poll, despite being 4th in both other polls. Hate to give the BCS any credit, but come on..The Trojans lost to the 3-3 Washington Huskies, and barely beat unranked Notre Dame. And they haven’t played Stanford yet!

Football and other follies

October 1, 2009

Who’d a thunk it, College Football Division. At 1230p on Saturday in Palo Alto, Stanford and UCLA meet for the Pac 10 lead. Meanwhile, at 5pm, Cal and USC play in the “Over-Rated Bowl.”

One of the reasons BCS officials give against having a college football playoff system, is that the extra one or two games would be rough on the schedules of student-athletes. Meanwhile, in ESPN’s nationally televised Wednesday night college game, Louisiana Tech beat Hawaii 27-6, and in the Thursday night game, West Virginia knocked off Colorado 35-24.

A fossil hominid (pre-human) skeleton found in Africa is apparently over 4 million years old and pre-dates Lucy. No confirmation on the rumor it was found wearing a Brett Favre jersey.

Okay, this is tacky. But I have to ask. Amongst his staff – does Letterman have a Top Ten list?


So Jon Gosselin, formerly of “Jon and Kate plus 8”, has pulled the plug for now on filming his children for the reality TV series. He couldn’t have thought of this sooner, like in 2007 before the show started?

You cannot make this stuff up department:

Last year, Binghamton University earned a trip to March Madness. This year, before the season even has started, within a 48 hour period, six players were suspended from the team. And the school’s athletic director rhetorically asked “who’s running the zoo?”

The response, in a letter to the editor from Amanda J. Padwa, the Binghamton Zoo’s business manager.

“Not one of our tigers has been arrested with cocaine. No otter knocks over old ladies to shoplift condoms. Our bear doesn’t have temper tantrums and storm off his exhibit. You won’t find any of our lemurs busted for smoking pot. So, please, stop insulting zoos by comparing those criminals to us.”


And in case anyone thinks that modern day sports is getting too overblown and out-of-hand, consider this quote from Bobby Dodd, one of college football’s most successful coaches at Georgia Tech during the 1950’s and early 1960s.

‘Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.’

You can’t make this stuff up

May 1, 2009

As in  –  Michael Vick – potential  future PETA spokesman.   

And Miss California,  Carrie Prejean, who has now been confirmed to have had her “boob job” paid for by pageant officials, is going on the road.  Apparently to talk about her view that marriage should be between a man and a surgically enchanced woman.

She says, among other things, that  “God was testing my character and faith. I’m glad I stayed true to myself.”     Apparently truth has nothing to do with cup size.

But you have to hand it to her on priorities.  Ms Prejean was willing to risk losing the pageant by honestly answering a question about what she believes to be unnatural gay marriage.  But she wasn’t  not willing to lose it by showing up with her natural cleavage.

 

So the economy is in shambles, Chrysler is declaring bankruptcy, and the swine flu might be a pandemic.   And a Texas Congressman has introduced a bill to prevent the NCAA from crowning a national football champion unless that champion comes out of a playoff system.  Good to see Congress is on top of things:

 

Actually it would be an interesting bet – will the U.S.bring down Bin Laden before we bring down the BCS?

Well,  for those who remember Hillary Clinton’s primary comment that Barack Obama was not a Muslem “As far as I know…:”

We’ve got a contender to top that: 

Brett Favre’s affirmation of his retirement:  “At this time.”

Supreme Court Justice David Souter has announced he is retiring as of June  so he can return to a quiet life in New Hampshire.   President Obama accepted the retirement, but  simply asked Souter that before he leaves, could he also tell Clarence Thomas about the joys of rural New England?

With all the school closings, this “swine flu” has to seem like a real gift to schoolchildren who have been ready for summer vacation for months.   The only way it could be better, if it were “broccoli flu.”   (Or anything else transmitted by eating vegetables.)

 

And finally, from the very funny Derek Wilken of Calgary, Alberta, on U.S.  officials advising citizens to avoid large crowds during the swine flu scare: “They are suggesting people stay home or stick to sparsely populated areas like the Yankees’ box seats.’’