Posted tagged ‘Arenas jokes’

As the Super hype continues…

February 2, 2010

Rain forced media day at the Super Bowl indoors today. The Florida storm, however, did not flood the streets. Disappointing all those reporters who wanted to see Peyton Manning walk to today’s interview.

President Obama is taking some grief for his use of a teleprompter. You do get the feeling, however, that if George W. Bush was accused of over-reliance on a teleprompter that Fox News would headline the story “President displays exceptional reading skills.”

When asked about his verbal gaffes, GOP chairman Michael Steele responded -“Accidents happen, baby.” Didn’t he steal that line from John Edwards?


Or in Edwards’ case the punctuation is different:
“Accidents happen. Baby.


A new museum has opened in London – Abbaworld. No joke. With original costumes amongst other mementos. And of course nonstop music. Should be great for the London economy. Because men will hear about it from their wives and say “Honey, could we go shopping instead?.


“This just in; Brett Favre has announced he is going to get a Facebook page. As soon as he decides on his status.”


Legendary newspaper writer Herb Caen died 13 years ago today. Already there are young people and young adults in the SF Bay Area who are asking “Who’s Herb Caen?” Let’s hope in 13 more years the same demographic isn’t asking “What’s a newspaper?”


Suspended Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas wrote a contrite op-ed for the Washington Post, acknowledging among other things that guns “are not joking matters,” and that he deserved his suspension. Arenas also pledges to try to “right his wrongs,” especially insofar as the example his behavior set for young people…

Let’s see, a thoughtful apology actually accepting responsibility…. This settles it, Arenas doesn’t belong in Washington.


Johannesburg’s Sunday Times newspaper, citing unnamed friends of the woman’s family, reported that 67 year old South African President Jacob Zuma has had a child with a woman who is not one of his three wives nor his fiance. This is not expected to affect his career.

In related news, John Edwards announced he is moving to South Africa.


Scott McCarron, who allegedly called Phil Mickelson a “cheater” for using a particular kind of sand wedge, now clarifies his remarks by saying “‘It’s cheating.” but “I never called Phil Mickelson a cheater.”

I think I like “it depends what the definition of is is” better.

It’s over….

January 8, 2010

Yes, the college bowl season is over. You know it probably went on too long when the last truly awful football plays of the year weren’t made by the Detroit Lions.


Congrats to the Crimson Tide for winning the BCS National Championship Game against a Colt McCoy-less Longhorns team. And over in Idaho, the Boise State Broncos are thinking, with some reason… we could take either of these teams.


Tonight’s BCS championship game between Texas and Alabama was played over a month after both teams played their last games. The players have been so bored, some of them have actually gone to class


Longhorns quarterback Colt McCoy was injured and out of the BCS Championship early. It was the most desperate time Texans could remember without a real leader since George W. Bush was governor.

The BCS championship game was played over a month after the regular season ended. “And the problem with that is?” said Bud Selig.


Of course, the reason for the huge delay until the final game was for hype, and television ratings. Which means someday the World Series could be known as the “Thanksgiving Classic.”


It now appears Gilbert Arenas’s teammate Javaris Crittenton actually cocked and loaded his gun during their locker room confrontration. But come on, he’s a Wizard. There was no chance he would get off a good shot.


USC quarterback Aaron Corp, who lost his starting job to Matt Barkley after being injured, announced that he was transferring to the University of Richmond. Corp must really want out. Being at Richmond is likely to be a heckuva pay cut.


A sting operation caught as many as 58 nine potential illegal immigrants last Sunday in Foxboro. The men were their way to shovel snow off the field at Gillette Stadium before the Patriots game. This could be the biggest immigrant roundup in sports since the Yankees took their team picture.


According to the New York Post, White House party crashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi are apparently being paid $5000 to headline a party at Caesar’s Palace nightclub. Well, that will discourage them.


The organizers for the party who are paying gate-crashing Salahi’s a $5000 appearance fee expect to sell several hundred tickets. With an actual attendance figure of about 20,000.

John McCain has released an anti-Obama commercial to kick off his own re-election campaign. Senator McCain wanted the commercial to look as up-to-date and modern as possible so he insisted it be shot in Technicolor.

Taking a shot at it…

January 5, 2010

Unclear on the concept award for Gilbert Arenas, who said the guns in the locker room incident was “a joke.” Note to Gilbert, real guns are never a joke. Now the Wizards’ record this year – THAT’S a joke.

The next home of the NHL Winter Classic – an outdoor hockey game – is rumored to be Citi Field. Presumably the game could even be played in September. That’s when Mets fans are most used to seeing a cold team.

Or they could schedule the outdoor game at Citi Field in October. The Mets won’t be using it.

A new biography of Warren Beatty puts the actor second only to Wilt Chamberlain in the promiscuity department, claiming Beatty slept with over 12,000 women. But to be fair, they haven’t publicity released all of Tiger’s texts yet.

Warren Beatty now says that reports of him having slept with 12,774 women are a “gross exaggeration.” Apparently he says the number is 11,000 max.

One issue with this alleged “body count” is simply the time involved. If the number is anywhere near accurate, then the movie Beatty should have made was clearly “Gone in 60 seconds.”

75 years ago this week United Airlines announced they cut the travel time for U.S. transcontinental flights down to 18 hours. Which, curiously enough, is about as long as it will take once TSA finishes tinkering with security.


So despite Redskins coach Jim Zorn having signed a five year contract, he was fired today after two years for poor performance. Any chance Americans could work out a deal like that for those elected to Congress?

The Red Raiders, Spartans, Wizards, and other soaps…

January 3, 2010

Who says soap operas are on the decline. Lately it seems like they’ve just all moved over to ESPN.


Fired Texas Tech coach Mike Leach may face legal issues regarding his alleged mistreatment of player Adam James. Meanwhile, 14 Michigan State players were suspended from for their involvement in a campus brawl, and 8 of them are facing assault charges. Maybe the Alamo Bowl should have been sponsored by Aladdin Bail Bonds.


Gilbert Arenas and NBA teammate Javaris Crittenton may have drawn guns on each other in the Washington locker room. As disturbing as that sounds, the guns apparently weren’t loaded. And besides, they play for the Wizards, so it’s not as if they shot they would have hit anything.


Arenas said of the incident that he used “bad judgment.” But didn’t we already expect that? After all, he chose to sign with the Wizards.

Suppose it’s just coincidence that the team used to be “the Bullets.”


Wonder how long it will take before someone makes and sells retro Arenas “Washington Bullets” jerseys on Ebay..


On the brighter side for some Washington sports fans, at least for a little while the Redskins are not the most embarrassing story on the sports page.