Posted tagged ‘2012 election jokes’

Streaking towards the weekend.

April 15, 2011

The Colorado Rockies are 10-2.  But maybe that record should have an asterisk. The last four wins were against the Mets.

Not to say the Red Sox have gotten off to a rough start. But local media voted that the team’s best performance of the week was the grounds crew covering the field with the tarp before yesterday’s rainout.

T.C. says “the Red Sox are on a streak. One rain out and one off-day.  They’ll be praying for snow tomorrow.”

Applebee’s gave a toddler a margarita in a sippy cup. Olive Garden served a two year old a glass of sangria. How come this kind of mixup never happens with crying children on planes? (Kidding, mostly.)

Taco Bell is apparently testing taco shells made from Doritos Nacho Cheese chips.And presumably exploring endorsement contracts with Tim Lincecum and Willie Nelson.

Donald Trump will officially announce his candidacy for President on “The Apprentice.” Well, this ought to dissuade all the detractors who say Trump is just running to get free publicity for his television show.

Joe Biden appeared to fall asleep because he was bored during President Obama’s speech yesterday. Not true exactly, when he nodded off the vice president was actually running through one of his own future speeches in his head.

Charlie Sheen’s lawyer says there have been discussions about the troubled actor returning to “Two and a Half Men.” I believe the exact discussions with CBS went something like “Yeah, when there’s two and a half snowballs in h*ll.”

Jennifer Lopez was voted the “Most Beautiful Woman in the World” by People Magazine. But Steven Tyler is miffed because he felt he should have at least made the top ten.

There have been at least five recent incidents of air traffic controllers falling asleep on the job. So okay, the government is trying to cut costs—what about a sponsorship agreement here with Starbucks and/or Red Bull?

Just wondering, they want to cut healthcare funding, welfare, education….. Where were all the Tea Party members protesting the waste of government money at the Barry Bonds trial?

And is this the newest oxymoron?  “reality television star.”

Commie pinko time:

After protests from students and others, Fox News has removed a story from their site, titled ‘GWU Suicide Tragically Coincides With Obama Speech.’ (A George Washington student was found dead in his room the same afternoon the President spoke at the school.) Well, at least Fox didn’t allege the student was despondent over the question of where Obama was born.