Archive for March 8, 2016

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And the hits just keep on coming.

March 8, 2016

Michael Kopech, one of the Red Sox’s top pitching prospects, managed to fracture his right hand during an “altercation” with his roommate last week. Good thing Kopech didn’t get into a fight with Sandoval. Had the Panda sat on Kopech it might have killed him.

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Former MLB star Paul O’Neill endorsed Donald ‪#‎Trump‬. So how many times did O’Neill run into those outfield walls?

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So DWTS has announced their latest cast of wannabes and has-beens for this season, and wait….Doug Flutie? Okay, what time is that show on? ‪#‎adorable‬

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The Colts resigned Adam Vinatieri for 2016. Not sure how this fits with Indianapolis’s cap room, but at least the team knows his medical bills will be covered under Medicare.

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California had more pedestrian deaths than any other state in the first half of 2015. Just guessing we probably lead the nation in cellphones too.

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The GOP has spent years trying to teach Americans that science and math don’t matter. So should the party be surprised that their voters are picking a candidate whose numbers don’t add up?

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Bernie and Hillary did a Fox News town hall Monday night. Why? To prove they weren’t afraid of the network? Or in hopes of luring viewers with the message “You might disagree with us but we’re not batsh*t crazy.”?

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Michelle Obama will be attending Nancy Reagan’s funeral. Waiting for the first Republican to tell us why this is wrong.

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The National Republican Senatorial Committee sent out a tweet against Rep. Tammy Duckworth, who is running for Illinois Senate: “Tammy Duckworth has a sad record of not standing up for our veterans.”
Uh, Rep. Duckworth lost both her legs in the Iraq War. ‪#‎stayclassy‬

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#‎HillaryClinton‬ has won the ‪#‎Mississippi‬ primary. So she can count on the votes of both Mississippi Democrats in November.

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Headline – “Trump’s ex-wife to appear on ‪#‎DWTS‬.” Which one?

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Marco Rubio is accusing Ted Cruz’s campaign of spreading the rumors that Rubio is dropping out of the Presidential race. This after Cruz’s campaign allegedly did the same thing to Ben Carson in Iowa. And Ted is the guy the GOP thinks is an improvement over Trump?

 

Neil Bush announced he has joined Sen. Ted Cruz’s national finance team. The question, how many months ago did he decide to do that? ‪#‎poorJeb‬!

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His doctor says President Obama has lost five pounds in the last two years. Amazing how that works when you don’t have to go place like Iowa state fairs for the primaries.

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Nancy Reagan will be buried next to Ronnie. At least if there isn’t enough of an underground tornado there to prevent it. ‪#‎thoushallnotsayillofotherRepublicans‬ ‪#‎spinninginhisgrave‬

 

Meanwhile, who needs CNN and the primaries, the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are back on television with ‪#‎KrukandKuip‬. All is right with the world.

Categories: Uncategorized

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Speaking out

March 8, 2016

Pittsburgh’s DeAngelo Williams called out Peyton Manning as a “hall of fame QB who couldn’t play dead in a western last year.” Yeah, well that’s just piling on after the Steelers eliminated the Broncos from the playoffs last year. Oh wait, never mind.

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The Supreme Court today UNANIMOUSLY today reversed an Alabama court’s refusal to recognize a same-sex adoption. Yes, even Thomas and Alito agreed. Maybe we are creeping into the 21st century after all..

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Erin Andrews won $55 million in her lawsuit over being videotaped nude in her hotel room. And the Kardashians are thinking “We’d have allowed it for half that.”

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Bette Middler might have won the internet today: “Kim Kardashian tweeted a nude selfie today. If Kim wants us to see a part of her we’ve never seen, she’s gonna have to swallow the camera.”

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Atlanta Falcons assistant coach Marquand Manuel has apologized for asking OSU cornerback Eli Apple if he was gay. So is he sorry for the question, or sorry that it leaked out?

 

A United Airlines flight from Houston to Munich had to return to Intercontinental Airport with smoke billowing from one engine after they hit a bird during takeoff. No injuries were reported. Well, except for the bird.

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Maria Sharapova apparently failed a drug test at the Australian Open. The substance is one she has been taking for years, but was on a list of drugs that were banned starting January 1. Sharapova acknowledged getting the email but said she didn’t read it….
Creative excuses isn’t one area we really wanted women athletes to start equaling men.

(And okay,  if it’s a lie it’s a stupid one, if she didn’t read the list and didn’t have someone on her staff read it well, well, that’s more stupid.)

 

 

Six UC Santa Cruz fraternity and sorority members were arrested and charged with being part of an organized Ecstasy drug ring. Well, that’s one way to deal with high tuition costs.

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Some talk now about how much a loss in the Florida Primary would hurt Marco Rubio. Well, not as much as his own campaigning has hurt him.

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32 pts in 1st half for ‪#‎Spurs‬ tonight in Indiana against the ‪#‎Pacers‬. That Sunday  ‪#‎Lakers‬ game might have not been the best for San Antonio’s usual inspiration from watching the Golden State #Warriors.

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Michael Bloomberg says he will not run for President. Has he finally figured out that the seat for the egotistical New York billionaire in the clown car is full?

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Meanwhile in South Florida, the Sun-Sentinel says there is no good candidate in the GOP primary and will not endorse. This includes the man they endorsed when he ran for Senate “Because Rubio has failed to do his job as a senator, broken the promises he made to Floridians and backed away from his lone signature piece of legislation on immigration, we cannot endorse him for president.”
Not even to get him out of Florida?

Categories: airline jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
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