Archive for March 20, 2014

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Going home.

March 20, 2014

Harvard and Cincinnati now have one thing in common. Neither of their men’s basketball teams will be attending class Friday.

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After #Marchmadness day 1 millions are rethinking their retirement plan from winning the #bracket challenge to winning #MegaMillions

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15 missed free throws by NC State in the second half.  Even though they lost, the Wolfpack can probably expect a postgame phone call from Shaquille O’Neal.

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Nate Silver had #OhioState into the Sweet Sixteen. Guess he should stick to something easy, like politics. #MarchMadness #Dayton

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Considering how much time and energy many Americans spend on their brackets have to wonder if there’s a way to turn elections into a betting game – “November Madness?”

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Manhattan-Louisville. For millions of Americans its was the struggle between the thrill of watching a potential Cinderella and the agony of potentially destroying your brackets on opening night.

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Although, before the tournament started, Louisville coach Rick Pitino was whining about unfairness, as his #4 Cardinals are matched up against the #13 Manhattan Jaspers, who are coached in a similar style by former Pitino assistant Steve Masiello. Here’s a hint Rick, if you can’t beat ANY #13 seed, maybe you don’t want to be going up in later rounds against Duke, Michigan or Wichita State.

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The government of Peru has pleaded with tourists to stop streaking at Machu Picchu. Wonder how many will now stop? And how many will now get the idea?

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At a speech at Valencia College in Orlando, President Obama gave a speech saying that helping families includes “making sure every woman gets a fair shot.” Did he really want to use the “fair shot” metaphor in Florida?

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Singapore’s New Straits Times says that Malaysian officials believe Australia and the U.S. may be withholding data that could aid the search for the missing plane. So, yep, it took a while, but it’s now Obama’s fault.

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Unclear on the concept? A N.J. man apparently tried unsuccessfully to commit suicide, by shooting himself at a hospital emergency room.

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Rand Paul, speaking at Berkeley, said the GOP “needs to either evolve, adapt or die. Remember when Domino’s Pizza finally admitted they had bad crust? Think Republican Party. Admit it; bad crust.” And Chris Christie responded “Did somebody say pizza?”

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The Washington Post says that Malaysian Air chose not to buy an upgraded “Swift” system (which costs about $10 per flight)— that would have sent data about MH flight 370’s trajectory and position even with the transponder off. Upon hearing this most major U.S. airlines, which use the system, immediately added a “tracking fee.”

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So twisted readers, listening to our better angels, we shouldn’t picket Fred Phelps Sr’s funeral. But listening to our fun angels, if you did picket, what sign would you bring?

My friend Mark suggests “The devil wants his picket signs back.”  Geoff suggests “God hates figs.”

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Counting sheep, brackets, etc.

March 20, 2014

New research indicates at sleep loss may cause permanent brain damage. Great, another thing to lie awake at night worrying about.

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Forget the bracket challenge. Maybe Warren Buffet should offer $1 billion to anyone who can find Malaysian Air flight 370.

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#CalPoly won their play in game, so they get to face Wichita State. Sort of like winning the Christians competition to face the Lions.#NCAA

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But for now Cal Poly, at 14-19, is still alive in the NCAA Tournament. Well, the Mustangs belong there at least as much as the 2014 Lakers belong in the NBA.

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Congrats to Cal Poly beating Texas Southern. But the announcers are saying “This is only the second time a 19 loss team has won a game in the NCAA tournament.” Uh, not exactly. They won a play-in game.  It’s like winning a tie-breaker to get to be the wild card.

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Now that President Obama has made his Final Four picks many Republicans don’t know what to do first. Say the picks are wrong or say that as President he shouldn’t be spending time on basketball instead of running the country.

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But open note to any one complaining about President Obama spending a little free time following basketball brackets: it’s probably better than following interns.

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The Iowa men are heading home, losers of 7 of their last 8 games. On a brighter note, the Hawkeyes have just been named the official basketball team of origami

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NFL owners may vote on expanding the playoffs next week. Guess they’ve looked at the NHL and NBA and figured it’s not a fair system if the postseason excludes those really deserving teams under .500.

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New guidelines say almost half of Americans over 40 and most men over 60 qualify should consider cholesterol-lowering statins. Wonder if they’ll start giving away discount coupons for the drugs at Burger King and McDonald’s.

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The NY State Senate is proposing to allow slot machines at JFK and LaGuardia airports. As if betting on your flight actually taking off reasonably on time at those airports isn’t enough gambling.

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Soft drink and basketball fans will now be able to try a limited edition “Sprite 6 Mix by LeBron James, which willl be a mix of lemon-lime with cherry and orange. When can we expect a one-hour infomercial on how Sprite decided on those flavors?

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Scientists say that for the world as a whole, this winter was the eighth warmest on record. U.S. residents on the East Coast would have told them to STFU except that they were too busy with their snow shovels.

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Kiss and Def Leppard are teaming up for a 40th anniversary tour. The good thing for those who were hard core fans of the bands in their youth – their hearing is probably shot enough they won’t notice any decline in vocals.

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The NY Jets, who tired of the Tim Tebow circus, now apparently have tired of the Mark Sanchez circus and are trying to sign…. Michael Vick?! Don’t take down those tents too fast.

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