Posted tagged ‘Fred Phelps jokes’

Going home.

March 20, 2014

Harvard and Cincinnati now have one thing in common. Neither of their men’s basketball teams will be attending class Friday.

After #Marchmadness day 1 millions are rethinking their retirement plan from winning the #bracket challenge to winning #MegaMillions

15 missed free throws by NC State in the second half.  Even though they lost, the Wolfpack can probably expect a postgame phone call from Shaquille O’Neal.


Nate Silver had #OhioState into the Sweet Sixteen. Guess he should stick to something easy, like politics. #MarchMadness #Dayton

Considering how much time and energy many Americans spend on their brackets have to wonder if there’s a way to turn elections into a betting game – “November Madness?”

Manhattan-Louisville. For millions of Americans its was the struggle between the thrill of watching a potential Cinderella and the agony of potentially destroying your brackets on opening night.

Although, before the tournament started, Louisville coach Rick Pitino was whining about unfairness, as his #4 Cardinals are matched up against the #13 Manhattan Jaspers, who are coached in a similar style by former Pitino assistant Steve Masiello. Here’s a hint Rick, if you can’t beat ANY #13 seed, maybe you don’t want to be going up in later rounds against Duke, Michigan or Wichita State.

The government of Peru has pleaded with tourists to stop streaking at Machu Picchu. Wonder how many will now stop? And how many will now get the idea?

At a speech at Valencia College in Orlando, President Obama gave a speech saying that helping families includes “making sure every woman gets a fair shot.” Did he really want to use the “fair shot” metaphor in Florida?

Singapore’s New Straits Times says that Malaysian officials believe Australia and the U.S. may be withholding data that could aid the search for the missing plane. So, yep, it took a while, but it’s now Obama’s fault.

Unclear on the concept? A N.J. man apparently tried unsuccessfully to commit suicide, by shooting himself at a hospital emergency room.

Rand Paul, speaking at Berkeley, said the GOP “needs to either evolve, adapt or die. Remember when Domino’s Pizza finally admitted they had bad crust? Think Republican Party. Admit it; bad crust.” And Chris Christie responded “Did somebody say pizza?”

The Washington Post says that Malaysian Air chose not to buy an upgraded “Swift” system (which costs about $10 per flight)— that would have sent data about MH flight 370’s trajectory and position even with the transponder off. Upon hearing this most major U.S. airlines, which use the system, immediately added a “tracking fee.”

So twisted readers, listening to our better angels, we shouldn’t picket Fred Phelps Sr’s funeral. But listening to our fun angels, if you did picket, what sign would you bring?

My friend Mark suggests “The devil wants his picket signs back.”  Geoff suggests “God hates figs.”