Red, red, whine…..
After an outcry from vegans, Starbucks is changing its Strawberry Soy Frappucino recipe to eliminate a common red dye made from crushed cochineal bugs, in favor of a tomato-based extract. Here’s a radical idea, what about using strawberries?
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Newt Gingrich is apparently still getting Secret Service protection. Although at this point the security detail has been reduced to three people. Curiously, that’s about as many as his remaining supporters.”
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An Alabama football player has been hospitalized following a fight where shots were fired. What’s was the kid doing, trying to get on the draft radar for the Cincinnati Bengals?
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The Colts have apparently told Andrew Luck he’ll be their #1 pick. In related news a Kenyan won the Boston Marathon.
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Carnival-owned Princess Cruises doing an internal investigation because one of their ships allegedly ignored a small boat in distress and two men died. Will the captain’s defense be that he just thought it was another Costa captain who fell into a lifeboat?
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About 50 students at Berkeley High School in California will be suspended and two or three expelled for a scheme where they got into the school’s computer and were able to change their attendance record for several months. Wonder how many high tech companies have offered the kids who were involved jobs?
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Bud Selig said today that the Oakland A’s need a new stadium to survive, but he has “no timetable” for the resolution of their territorial rights issue with the Giants, an issue Selig formed a “blue ribbon committee” for over 3 years ago. Even Brett Favre is saying “Make up your bleeping minds.”
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Arkansas AD Jeff Long says he has 25 pages of detailed notes from ex-coach Petrino and Jessica Dorrell about their relationship. Now court documents say John Edwards’ trial will include “intimate voice-mail messages” between him and Rielle Hunter. Which of these wins the TMI award?
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Former Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino told his boss that his affair with Jessica Dorrell only began last fall when they were sitting in a car eating lunch and she said “are you going to kiss me?” Where’s the “Just say No” campaign when you need it.
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Petrino said his affair with Jessica Dorrell lasted about 5 months and was over in February. Right. Nothing says a relationship is over like a secret motorcycle ride for two at midnight.
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SMU hired Larry Brown as their head men’s basketball coach. Brown, 71, hasn’t coached since he looked over-the-hill in 2010 and left the Charlotte Bobcats with a 9-19 record. Considering the Bobcats this year are 7-54, Larry now looks like a genius by comparison.
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Obama re-election campaign offering supporters a chance to enter a raffle for dinner with the President and Georgy Clooney. Wonder if Romney campaign will counter with a raffle for Mitt and Ted Nugent?
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A Delta Airlines flight leaving JFK Airport today hit a flock of birds and had to return for an emergency landing. No injuries were reported. Well, except for the birds.
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The way the San Jose Sharks playing Thursday night looks like someone pulled the plug on their power plays.
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The Vatican is blasting the “Leadership Conference of Women Religious”, a U.S. group they say sponsors conferences that feature “radical feminist themes incompatible with the Catholic faith,” including supporting Obamacare. The members of this “liberal” group? 55,000 American nuns..
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From Marc Ragovin: “As Jamie Moyer labored to get his record setting win at age 49, many wondered if he would make it out of the seventh inining. Literally.”
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And open note to readers. ESPN.com has decided to put their fun weekly Top 10 Readers Lines on a given subject on hiatus at least for a while. So to very partially fill in the hole, I’m going to try a few Top 10’s on this blog. First week – “10 ten signs lines about how old Jamie Moyer is” Reader suggestions encouraged in comments. Aiming for Monday morning post.
(and yes, I know this is like shooting fish in a barrel. With a musket.)
Explore posts in the same categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, UncategorizedTags: Arkansas football jokes, Arkansas jokes, Gingrich jokes, Jamie Moyer Jokes, Janice Hough, Petrino jokes, Starbucks jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 
April 20, 2012 at 3:26 am
JAMIE MOYER IS SO OLD, WHEN ASKED IF HE TWITTERS, HE REPLYS THAT HE HAS NO DESIRE TO SOUND LIKE A BIRD.
April 20, 2012 at 7:56 am
Jamie Moyer is so old he’s the first pitcher to have his pitches timed by radar gun, stop watch and someone counting Mississippi’s.
April 20, 2012 at 10:00 am
Pitcher Jamie Moyer is so old, when asked if he could throw the knuckleball, said “the rheumatiz keeps that one off the plate.”
April 20, 2012 at 10:29 am
Paraphrasing a joke that I heard on the Bob Rivers show, KZOK radio, Seattle, written by the ever-so-funny, Pedro Bartes (sorry I don’t remember the exact phrasing):
Discussing the passing of Dick Clark…Ryan Seacrest remained by Clark’s side. You could hear him whispering to Dick, “Ten, nine, eight, seven…”
April 20, 2012 at 11:20 am
“Petrino said his affair with Jessica Dorrell lasted about 5 months and was over in February. Right. Nothing says a relationship is over like a secret motorcycle ride for two at midnight.”
Nothing says a relationship is over like being caught. And as far as “Just say no” to the “are you going to kiss me?” that’s like a woman ignoring a shoe sale. Not much thinking goes on in either case.
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April 20, 2012 at 12:50 pm
Prior to the invention of grocery stores, Jamie Moyer learned to pitch by throwing rocks at squirrels for supper.
April 20, 2012 at 12:54 pm
Jamie Moyer is such a good pitcher because before grocery stores, he had to throw rocks at squirrels for supper.
April 20, 2012 at 3:06 pm
When Moyer broke into the majors, his first uniform number was “L”