Opening WTF?

Two A’s-Mariners games last week, Marlins-Cardinals tonight, the rest of MLB starts Thursday or Friday. Sorry Bud Selig, less is more; “Opening Day” is awesome. “Opening Week” s*cks.

But really, we won’t know it’s really opening day until Cubs fans break out their new “Wait until next year” shirts.

The Masters starts Thursday morning, from Augusta National Golf Club. One of the few places on Earth where Mitt Romney is referred to as “a regular guy.”

Bond fans screaming “Say it ain’t so?!” Due to a Heineken contract, James Bond will be drinking beer instead of a martini in his next movie. What’s next, 007 telling women he wants to wait for physical intimacy until they are in a committed relationship?

According to the autopsy report, “white powdery substances and a spoon with white residue” were found in the hotel room where Whitney Houston died. Sad, but “I’m shocked,” said absolutely nobody.

Ryan Gosling apparently saved a British journalist named Laurie Penny from being hit by a car this week in New York. Earning him respect and admiration from his fellow actors, once they found out she didn’t work for “News of the World.”

Macy’s flagship store in New York had to evacuate due to a small basement fire today. You know what that means. Stay tuned for Macy’s new “Two Day Fire Sale with One Day Special Preview.”

(or as my friend Rich suggests “Black Flower Days.”)

John McCain urged Mitt Romney “not to rush to judgment” when picking his running mate. Gosh, wonder why he would say that?

Kentucky coach John Calipari said he’s not planning to coach the New York Knicks or any other NBA team – “Kentucky is the best job in basketball coaching, why would I leave?” At least not until the next NCAA investigation.

Sarah Palin’s appearance on the “Today” show apparently didn’t turn out to be the ratings boost NBC had hoped for. Does this mean “Palin-sanity” is over?

Levi Johnston, 21, has announced that his latest girlfriend, Sunny Oglesby, 20, is pregnant. Levi told TMZ.com the pregnancy was an unexpected surprise: “Things happen and we are both happy with what came of it.” Yeah, looks like Bristol Palin’s abstinence campaign is really working.

Ryan Seacrest will be taking part in NBC’s Olympic coverage. Wonderful. Stand by for “Who’ll win the Gold? We’ll find out, after the break….”

Rick Santorum went bowling with some friends and staffers today, and ended up with three strikes and two spares while scoring 145. So at least when faced with a bowling lane, Rick proved it was possible for him to go towards the center.

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One Comment on “Opening WTF?”

  1. Neal Says:

    Two A’s-Mariners games last week, Marlins-Cardinals tonight, the rest of MLB starts Thursday or Friday. Sorry Bud Selig, less is more; “Opening Day” is awesome. “Opening Week” s*cks.

    Very confusing. But anyway, PLAY BALL!!


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