Archive for April 26, 2011

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Will another “one” bite the dust?

April 26, 2011

The number one seed San Antonio Spurs are one loss away from being bounced out of basketball’s post season. Who do they think they are? The Pitt Panthers?

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Although really, the Spurs on the verge of elimination, and the Lakers are tied 2-2 in round one. Are we sure Butler isn’t somehow involved?

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Nice job by the Denver Nuggets to stave off elimination for at least one more game in the first round of the playoffs. Especially since it means the Nuggets have lasted longer without Carmelo Anthony than the Knicks did with him.

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And yeah, for the first team to be out of the NBA playoffs, and swept out at that, who had Carmelo Anthony and the Knicks? (And who outside of New York isn’t snickering just a little?)

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Levi Johnston, Sarah Palin’s one-time future son-in-law, is writing a book. In a statement he explained “I want to tell the truth about my close relationship with the Palins, my sense of Sarah, and my perplexing fall from grace – how I feel and what I’ve learned, I’m doing this for me, for my boy Tripp and for the country.”

Well, that and the probable six figure (at least) advance he got.

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Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour has announced he will not run for President in 2012. Wonder if this means he can’t find his birth certificate.

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New Orleans police arrested Los Angeles Lakers forward Derrick Caracter. He was charged with public drunkenness and shoving a pregnant cashier at a pancake restaurant. Looks like the Lakers are trying hard to take back the title from the Miami Heat of “America’s most hated team.”

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My friend Tony Banks says this is the first offensive move Caracter has made all season.

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The NCAA has sent a “notice of allegations” to OSU, accusing football coach Jim Tressel of lying and withholding information regarding his players’ accepting improper benefits. I see a “leaving the university I love for an NFL job to help my family” speech in Tressel’s future.

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Donald Trump has now publicly gone after both Jerry Seinfeld and Robert De Niro after they criticized his birther claims. Can’t wait to see what Trump says about the first celebrity who says he’s too thin-skinned to be president.

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Happy half-price chocolate bunny day.

April 26, 2011

I don’t believe in conspiracy theories, but it is a nice coincidence for dentists this year that Easter comes almost exactly six months after Halloween.

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And today is Easter Monday. Second only to the day after Halloween as “Half-price candy day.”

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In Mexico, the day after Halloween is known as “Day of the Dead.”  Which in the U.S. only describes the way many people feel after overdosing on chocolate bunnies and jelly bean eggs.

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In Philly, Easter 2011 may be remembered as the day, however briefly, that the 76ers rose from the dead.

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Former Pennsylvania Senator and current Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum is now calling his vote to create the Medicare prescription drug benefit “a mistake.” Which is exactly what many Pennsylvanians, including Republicans,  are calling their previous votes for Rick Santorum.

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For my hockey fan friends: A 3-0 lead turned into a 3-3 tie with game 7 coming up. The Vancouver Canucks are about to answer the question “What’s the difference between them and the Maple Leafs?” with “A little more than a week.”

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Meanwhile, in the NBA, the series is tied 2-2, and the odds still favor Los Angeles. But if New Orleans somehow pulls off this first round upset, the Lakers can add May to the list of months (currently October-April) where they haven’t bothered to show up.

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And for any Northern California sports fans looking for a reason to root for the Hornets – New Orleans fans do a pretty good “Beat L.A” chant.

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But, okay, who’d a thunk the Mets might have had more wins this week than the Rangers and Knicks put together?

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All you folks complaining about the hoopla surrounding the marriage of Prince William and Catherine Middleton, cut the English and Anglophiles some slack. After all, years from now this will probably go down in history as the first wedding to involve a Queen of England since Sir Elton John tied the knot with David Furnish.

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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