Archive for April 23, 2011

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Weddings and beyond….

April 23, 2011

Open note to single men claiming they can’t meet any women: try placing a Craigslist ad looking for a date to watch the Royal Wedding.

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Melania Trump, Donald’s third wife, is a former model and current jewelry designer. She was coy when a reporter asked what she would wear “if she were to attend an inauguration in 2013.” Of course, considering the Donald’s marriage history, it’s not a slam dunk Melania will be anywhere near him in 2013.

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After going 15-22 in three seasons with the Wolverines, former coach Rich Rodriguez told CBSSports.com that he thinks leaving West Virginia for Ann Arbor may have been a mistake. “May have been?” That sound you hear is a collective snicker from several million Michigan fans.

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A D.C. friend responded to me about a question regarding the NHL Washington Capitals -“I’m a casual fan, I root for them but I don’t watch them.” Think that describes a lot of people wearing teal in Northern California.

Despite the San Jose Sharks’ success to this point, tonight they learned why spotting your opponent a three-four goal head start is not universally accepted as a good strategy.

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A reporter interviewing LeBron James referred to Cleveland as “your city.” James’ response. “It wasn’t my city. It wasn’t my team either, I was just a player.” Wonder how many of the few remaining unburnt Lebron jerseys in Cleveland survived that comment.

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The New York City Board of Elections says Donald Trump hasn’t voted in any primary elections since 1989. Responded Trump “Only the little people vote in primary elections.”

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And anyone who doesn’t like sacrilegious attempts at  jokes stop reading now:

Happy Easter. When we all celebrate Jesus rising from the dead with a basket of chocolate eggs he distributed to all the good little boys and girls….right?

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And remember this, love may fade. But marshmallow peeps are forever.

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Big winds and other disasters.

April 23, 2011

The tornado that severely damaged St. Louis airport also forced the evacuation of Cardinal fans at Busch Stadium.  Apparently it was the fastest emptying of a baseball park since the last seventh inning stretch at Dodger Stadium.

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Mavericks owner Mark Cuban claims “something hit me in the face,” during Dallas’s game three loss to the Portland Trail Blazers at the Rose Garden. Is he sure it wasn’t just a face palm?

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The director of a groundbreaking UC San Diego brain bank is looking for donors who will supply interesting life histories, and then their brains after death. The director, Dr. Jacobo Annese, says he would love to have Trump’s brain some day. Makes sense, maybe he can figure out why the Donald appears to have stopped using it.

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Lindsay Lohan received a 120 day jail sentence for a probation violation over her alleged necklace theft. In an interview this week, Lohan said she was eager to put her court cases behind her and once again be known as an actress. Actually Lindsay’s hardest role might simply be acting like a grown-up.

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The Dodgers beat the Cubs 12 to 2 today, for their third straight win since Major League Baseball seized control of the team. Fans in New York are thinking of petitioning Bud Selig to take control of the Mets.

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Saturday night will be game four of the San Jose-Los Angeles NHL first round playoff series.  Now, the two teams together scored seven goals in the second period of game three, five goals in the second period of game four.

Not to say the Sharks and Kings goalies were napping, but they were starting to look like air traffic controllers.

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John McCain, while visiting Libya, told reporters there is  a “significant degree of stalemate,” and more NATO assets are needed. Hmm, wonder if that means McCain will next be calling for NATO to help out with the U.S. Congress.

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My comedy writer friend Neil Berliner bemoans the fact that more people can name the “Three Stooges” than the GOP presidential candidates. But to be fair, there are a lot more than three stooges running for President.

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BYU basketball star Brandon Davies apparently plans to return and play this seaso for the university, despite being dismissed for an honor code violation. (Premarital sex with his girlfriend.) So how does he get his honor back? By marrying the young woman?

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If Davies does marry his girlfriend, will it be a three-point-shotgun wedding?

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