Posted tagged ‘vuvuzela jokes’

Last Golfer Standing?

June 21, 2010

At Pebble Beach, Northern Ireland’s Graeme McDowell was first, France’s Gregory Havret was second, and South Africa’s Ernie Els was first. Who’d a thunk that this week Americans might have had a better week at the World Cup than our own U.S. Open?


If they make a documentary about this year’s U.S. Open, will it be titled “Last Golfer Standing?”


Golf may not be the world’s most exciting spectator sport. But it has some good points. And maybe this week one stands out. Two words – “NO VUVUZELAS.”


The Florida Marlins and Tampa Rays complained mightily after a free mini-vuvuzela giveaway in Miami meant that players from both teams and umpires had to wear earplugs, and they still couldn’t have conversations on the field and in the dugout. But Marlins management apparently hadn’t anticipated any problems.

Even BP executives said, how could you not see that coming?


A question for Texas congressman, Joe Barton, who apologized to BP. Would he have made the same apology if say, the disaster had been an out-of-control major fire started at a solar energy plant?


Poor Dustin Johnson, the Saturday leader, shot 11 over par in the final round of the U.S. Open. That’s the worst performance by a professional athlete on Sunday in recent memory. Well, not involving JaMarcus Russell


So football has a computer-generated yellow line on television for years, so viewers can see where a team needs to go to get a first down. How hard would it be for golf to put a yellow ring around the cup, so viewers can actually see where a player is aiming?


You figure Kobe Bryant had to be rooting for Tiger Woods, especially after Tiger shot a 66 to move into contention. Because then at least Kobe wouldn’t be a slam dunk for the award for the biggest jerk to win a championship this week.


Actually, maybe we should feel sorry for Tiger. What if sex for him really was a performance enhancing drug?


After striker Nicolas Anelka’s was expelled from the team and sent home for a tantrum, the rest of the French team refused to practice Sunday. Wonder why his teammates were so upset, they are likely to be following him back to France very shortly

Well, as long as the NBA playoffs go, at least we have reason to think they won’t extend any longer into June in future. Because then they would conflict with the busiest day of the year for NBA players – Father’s Day.

Well, it’s not on the level of BP’s public relations disasters, but…. British Airway’s “UNITE” cabin crew has staged a series of strikes this year that have caused travel nightmares for thousands. During the most recent strike, however, union leader Tony Woodley took his own vacation with his wife to Cyprus. He flew EasyJet..

It’s a mad, mad, mad, mad World Cup.

June 15, 2010


How we know for sure the major U.S. networks don’t consider the World Cup a major draw for American viewers? The games aren’t being shown tape-delayed, especially on the West Coast.


Actually apropos of nothing, wonder how many more Americans would watch the World Cup if it coincided with “Happy Hour?”

Japan won their opening match against Cameroon 1 to 0. This elicted two responses from most Japanese sports fans. 1. “This is great news.” 2. “What’s the World Cup?”

It’s only week one of the World Cup, but nations from around the globe are already meeting to decide if the “vuvuzelas” violate the Geneva convention.


When political prisoners were allowed to watch the World Cup matches with the sound on high, rumor has it many said “I’d rather be waterboarded.”

A British tabloid reports that a TV documentary later this week will allege Tiger Woods had a “secret love child” and that DNA evidence supports their claim.

If true this could be be the most expensive Tiger cub in history.

The Saints are hoping that the USC investigation and probation doesn’t become a distraction for Reggie Bush. But Bush says, not to worry, he is good at keeping off-field issues separate from his role on the team. For example, after he was drafted, he didn’t sulk at all when he took a pay cut by signing that first New Orleans contract.


The University of Texas on Monday has announced they are staying in the Big 12, with a press conference called for tomorrow. Translation, they are working out how to put the most admirable spin on the fact “the other conferences didn’t offer us enough money.


Kobe Bryant apparently called out his Lakers teammates after their game 5 loss to the Celtics. This was a change… Kobe realizes he HAS teammates?


from Marc Ragovin, might be more true than funny: “The British media is killing goalie Robert Green for the soft goal he let in during the US/England World Cup game. Which might be a bit harsh. Its not like he’s responsible for destroying another country’s entire ecosystem or anything.”


on a lighter World Cup note, from Alex Kaseberg: “A doctor told the Argentina men’s soccer team it’s OK to have sex during the World Cup. This isn’t going to endear soccer to homophobic American sports fans. Oh, they can have sex with their wives or girlfriends? Oh, sorry.”


President Obama said today that “Gulf seafood was safe to eat.” Suppose this could make sense. If oil was always a poison, KFC wouldn’t have any customers left alive.


There’s a report out that California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman shoved an employee during a dispute while she was CEO of Ebay, and the incident was resolved with an undisclosed settlement. In related news, Jerry Brown is no longer going to use the term “take the gloves off” regarding any future debates.


Sarah Palin has announced that she plans to go to England and hopes to meet with Maggie Thatcher. Palin says she really wants to talk to Thatcher about what she did for the country, and how she liked living in Buckingham Palace.


California Senate candidate Carly Fiorina is standing by her statement that people on the government “no-fly” list should be able to purchase guns. She says she doesn’t want to take rights away from people who might be on that list mistakenly.. Brave words from a woman who travels by corporate jet.