Posted tagged ‘Tiger Wood jokes’

New York dreaming?

April 1, 2014

Apparently Mets GM Sandy Alderson said he thought the team could win 90 games. Wonder if the reporter asked Alderson how many seasons he thought it would take?

 

Brian Wilson now the second Dodgers pitcher to the DL this season. Maybe LA players are buckling under the strain of carrying all that money?

 

Ryan Braun got a standing ovation at Miller Park in Milwaukee for his first game back from last year’s suspension. Would Brewers fans now also like to take back every “Ster-oids” chant they threw at Barry Bonds.

Now we know the season has really started. Jose Reyes is back on the DL. #OpeningDay #MLB

The black box on MH370 will only ping for about 5 more days. The CNN coverage, however, may last years.

Donald Trump said today he’s been contacted by a group who want to buy the Buffalo Bills. Well, the Bills winning a Super Bowl is probably a better bet than Trump winning the Presidency.

A NY high school senior was accepted at all 8 Ivy League schools. If he could throw a football I’ll bet a few SEC schools would have accepted him too.

Tiger Woods has had back surgery and will miss the Masters. Can we expect hourly coverage during the tournament from ESPN about his recovery?

(My friend Steve says he can’t wait for the ESPN updates saying how far Woods is off the lead, even when he’s not playing.)

 

As an April Fool’s joke, Virgin America announced that each seat would have a personal thermostat. United Airlines thought of a similar joke saying they were putting comfortable seats in the coach cabin, but figured no one would believe them

The White House announced that Obamacare met the goal of 7 million signups. So FOX is no doubt scrapping their story on disappointing numbers in favor of one alleging faked numbers.

GM CEO Mary Barra said she was “deeply sorry” over the botched recall that led to 13 deaths and numerous injuries. She said the company had been operating under a “cost culture” before the 2009 bankruptcy, but that they are now operating under a “customer culture.” Either that or a “we-got-caught culture.”

DeSean Jackson apparently is close to signing with the Redskins. Maybe Washington just wants to make sure neither their name issue nor RGIII is the team’s biggest distraction next season.

 

A Michigan woman, who was forbidden from drinking at all as part of her probation from a 2012 DUI conviction, was arrested when a local cop saw her Facebook post bragging about beating a Breathalyzer after drinking on St. Patrick’s Day. Forget the probation violation, she deserved arrest for criminal stupidity

Not exactly P.C. here but today’s unfortunate name and job match is for the new coach of the University of Arkansas’s women’s basketball team – Jimmy Dykes.

And the bus to hell thought for the night from T.C.   “Don Baylor underwent surgery to repair his femur after his freaky injury while catching Vladimir Guerrero’s first pitch.  Might be last time the Angels in the locker room tell each other to “break a leg.”

Pre-Christmas wishes..

December 19, 2009

Memo from Santa.

To – All comedy writers expecting something in their Christmas stockings

“I already gave you Tiger Woods, how much more do you want?”

And in the “be careful what you wish for department,” wonder if someone connected with the PGA tour ever wished two things this fall, that golf would be front page news, and that next year’s tournaments might be more competitive, with more new faces having a chance to win.


A major snowstorm is hitting Washington, D.C. this weekend and the capital is expected to be paralyzed. So for Congress, it’s business as usual.

When she was in Hawaii, Sarah Palin was wearing a sun visor with John McCain’s name blacked out. The question is, who blacked out the name? Sarah, or the McCain campaign?


Palin actually said she blacked out the name with a Sharpie so that she could go “incognito.” Wouldn’t a big floppy hat have been easier? Although presumably there are easier places to have privacy than at one of the biggest hotels – the Hilton Hawaiian Village – in Waikiki.

And you have to wonder what was the paparazzi’s first clue….the autographed stack of copies of “Going Rogue” on her beach blanket?)


According to the Los Angeles Times, USC’s leading rusher, Joe McKnight, has been seen regularly around town driving a $27,000 SUV registered to a booster. And the university is already under investigation for alleged “improper benefits” to Reggie Bush and O.J. Mayo. Maybe it’s time to start referring to them as the University of the Severely Clueless.

Bad pun alert.

Seattle is actually taking a chance on outfielder Milton Bradley. They are hoping as he gets into his 30s that the talented but volatile player will be more even-tempered. In other words, they hope there will be no whines from the ancient Mariner.


Tough love? Florida defensive end Carlos Dunlap, arrested for DUI on December 1, has been reinstated for the Sugar Bowl. His court appearance is scheduled Jan 10, but coach Urban Meyer says he’s paid a “serious price” already, and he’s been a “good student and a good person.”

I’m sure the fact Dunlap was the team leader in sacks and is projected as a first round draft pick had nothing to do with it.

(By the way, Dunlap, who has pleaded “not guilty”, is 20 years old. Any drink he had before getting in a car was illegal.)