Posted tagged ‘Thanksgiving jokes’

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Myths and Urban legends…

November 24, 2009

Urban Meyer, coach of the Gators says he wants to dispel rumors he will take the Notre Dame job, and says he is staying at Florida “as long as they’ll have me.”

Or at least until Notre Dame makes him a much better offer…

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But really, if Meyer wants millions to coach an overhyped, unachieving team with ridiculously rich backers, he should probably hold out for the Redskins.

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The Indian Prime Minister, Manmohan Singh, will be visiting President Obama in Washington today, and apparently hoping for evidence that Obama values the “strategic partnership” between the two countries. Especially compared to U.S. relations with China. The short version of Singh’s agenda “Debt, schmebt, want to kiss your tech support goodbye?””

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Governor Schwarzenegger announced his appointment of Republican Abel Maldonado as lieutenant governor on the new Jay Leno show. Democrats immediately accused Arnold of trying to slip his choice through while no one was looking.

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South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is facing 37 ethics charges . Yes, 37. Or as they call that in Louisiana, a good start.

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37 separate ethics violations for Governor Sanford. Wouldn’t it be simpler for the South Carolina legislature to pass a resolution saying “You’re a scumball, please leave”?

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This is President Obama’s first Thanksgiving in Washington, which means he has to officially pardon a turkey. Though many Democrats think believe Obama’s already done enough for Joe Lieberman.

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Ah for the good old days, when appealing to your “inner 13 year old” mean the rock band Kiss, and not Twilight.

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More about those amazing weekend numbers, over $142 million gross for “The New Moon.” And 80 percent of the audience was women. There were even rumors that of the 20 percent men, about a dozen were actually straight.

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Christie’s is auctioning off a first edition of Darwin’s “On the Origin of Species.” They hope the book will fetch at least 60,000 British pounds. Although the number of people buying Sarah Palin’s book has slightly tarnished the theory of human evolution.

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If the Raiders win in a forest…

November 23, 2009

And almost no fans are at the stadium, and no one sees it on TV, does it still count?

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Congrats to the Raiders on a rare win today. For the first time in recent memory, Oakland receivers used their hands more than the French soccer team.

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Brett Favre continues to amaze with his performance as a member of the Minnesota Vikings. If this keeps up wonder if Dan Snyder will find a way to track down Doug Williams.

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Once again, the Washington Redskins came close but lost the game, this time to the Dallas Cowboys. Maybe it was a bit of hubris to name their stadium FedEx Field. At least FedEx actually delivers.

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New New Yorks Knicks slogan – We suck less than the Nets.

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President Obama is getting ready for his first Thanksgiving in the White House, and of course, he plans to pardon a turkey. But most Democrats are telling him, Lieberman just doesn’t deserve it.

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Apparently the President donned a Chicago Bears jacket as part of a NFL promotional spot he has taped for Thanksgiving Day. Not a bad idea, despite all the criticism he has faced, Obama does have higher approval ratings than Jay Cutler.

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“New Moon”, the latest Twilight movie, grossed over $140 million. With an audience that was 80 percent women. Wow. That means some of those women actually got men to show up?

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The number two movie this weekend was “The Blind Side,” basically a football-themed chick-flick, which had an audience of 59 percent women. It’s a shame for the U.S. retail industry that the movies didn’t open Thanksgiving weekend, because given a choice between “New Moon” and “Blind Side,” I imagine a lot of men would say, “Honey, why don’t we go shopping?”

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Stanford lost the “Big Game” in football to Cal, which means that the Bears get to keep the symbol of their rivalry – “the Axe – for another year. But the Cardinal next week has a chance to help ax Charlie Weis.

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Apparently fewer Americans will be travelling home for Thanksgiving by air this year. Of course, on Northwest some of them will waive to their homes as they fly by.

No word also on how many Americans will spend the holidays waiting on the tarmac with JetBlue.

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