Posted tagged ‘Santorum joke’

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Gentlemen, start your speeches.

February 27, 2012

Nothing like watching the Oscar Red Carpet to remind us that money absolutely cannot buy taste.

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Jean Dujardin won the Oscar Sunday night for Best Actor. He’s the first French-born actor to win an Academy Award. Wonder who will be the first GOP candidate to blame it on President Obama.

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And men wonder why women drool over George Clooney, reason #2456. He just told a reporter he was up at 2am trying to decide what tux to wear.

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Okay, now that Christopher Plummer has won for best supporting actor, how many producers are lining up to get Julie Andrews as a character actress in their films? Could be “Something good.”

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Did Meryl Streep tonight pay homage to Christopher Plummer’s former co-star Julie Andrews? Looks like she too fashioned a dress out of curtains.

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Jennifer Lopez tried to win the award for the best two presenters of the night.

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The Daytona 500 was originally delayed until Sunday night, but was postponed until Monday at 12n. Thereby saving at least a few marriages from remote control wars between the race and the Oscars.. (And yes, both Daytona and the Academy Awards do prompt the response at times “Aren’t they close to done yet?”)

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At Daytona, officials originally frantically tried to dry the track in time to run the 500 today. Shame the Florida primary is over. They could have done the job twice as fast with all that hot air going around.

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So many disappointments in tonight’s Oscars. Poor Mitt Romney, snubbed both for his roles as potential best performance as an actor as a moderate, and best performance as an actor as a conservative.

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Arizona Governor Jan Brewer announced she will not attend the President’s dinner Sunday night for all the U.S. governors. Barack Obama hasn’t been this “disappointed” since Joe Biden last got pre-speech laryngitis.

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Oh yeah, and there was an NBA All-Star game Sunday night .Almost as meaningful as the rest of the NBA season.

So many casual movie fans tonight had to wonder – was Martin Scorsese with his girlfriend tonight or his granddaughter? (Neither, turns out to be his daughter.)

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The scandal involving Bill Lockyer’s wife Nadia is too complicated to explain in a single post (extra-marital affair, alleged assault drugs, sex tape… google it if you are prepared to shower afterwards) The only good thing – at least Californians didn’t elect him Governor.

(okay, two good things, as my friend Michael Santos said, “at least the tape didn’t feature Bill.)

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Rick Santorum said today that the separation of church and state “makes me want to throw up.” And if they’re watching in Heaven, Thomas Jefferson is thinking “Rick Santorum makes me want to throw up.”

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Mitt Romney defends his statement about his wife’s two Cadillacs by saying that “If people think that there is something wrong for being successful, they should vote for the other guy.” I don’t think anyone thinks there’s something wrong with it, but some of us think if you’re that successful you don’t need another tax cut.

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No sacrifice at all?

February 25, 2012

Unclear on the concept? Okay, I’m not Catholic. But Safeway is advertising “Savings for Lent.” Several kinds of fish. And also several kinds of wine….

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Manny Ramirez arrived at A’s training camp and said “I’m here because God brought me here.” And here we thought Manny wanted to be Barry Bonds. Maybe he just wanted to be Tim Tebow.

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Mitt Romney told a crowd today in Ohio that he had once played a prank at a wedding of painting “H-E-L-P” on the bottom of the groom’s shoes. Funny, that’s the same four letter sentiment some Republicans have with the current crop of candidates.

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Coach Pat Knight, son of Bobby, went on a widely shared over-the-top post game rant about his Lamar University players. Guess the apple didn’t get thrown far from the tree.

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Ryan Braun’s suspension was apparently overturned because the tester didn’t send in the urine vial immediately, but waited over the weekend. Guess “if the sample sits, you must acquit.”

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The rumors are that Ryan Braun may have gotten his suspension overturned because medication he was taking for an STD made him test positive. If true, some athletes will have a choice after future testing – save your career or save your marriage.

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Mitt Romney ripped Rick Santorum for his effort in the last debate to explain why he “voted against his principles.” Mitt promises that will never happen if he is elected. Of course it helps not HAVING principles.

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At Orlando’s Florida Mall, riot police had to be called in to deal with a mob waiting to buy a special All-Star Nike basketball shoe. Women who hear this story are appalled. A riot over basketball shoes? They don’t even have heels.

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While in Detroit, Mitt Romney – in his regular guy mode – said his wife Ann has “a couple of Cadillacs.” A couple of Cadillacs? Did she win one on a $10,000 bet?

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New Colts GM Ryan Grigson said Indianapolis still hasn’t decided whether or not to make Andrew Luck the #1 draft pick. Even Brett Favre is saying “Jeez,, make up your mind.”.

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Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell, now said he didn’t realize the anti-abortion bill required transvaginal ultrasounds, saying “when you’re busy advocating your agenda, you don’t read every legislator’s bill.” Once again, I like “fell into the lifeboat” better.

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In a settlement between former Senator John Edwards and his former aide, a sex tape between Edwards and his mistress Rielle Hunter will be destroyed. Just as well. Even TMZ readers had responded to the thought of it with “Eww…”

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California Lt. Gov. Democrat Gavin Newsom just said it’s time to “get rid of” his position unless the Gov and Lt. Gov run as a single ticket and work as a team with shared power. Translation, Jerry Brown is thinking of running again and I’m bored.

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