Posted tagged ‘Newton jokes’

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Weddings etc.

April 28, 2011

Think positive guys, any woman who stays up to watch the wedding will probably be too tired to fight you for the remote this weekend.

So who’s advertising during the Royal Wedding? My guess is we’re not going to see a lot of beer commercials and ads for Cialis.

Kate Middleton has the added appeal for Royal Wedding watchers of being a “commoner.” But in actually, she is a very unusual  British young woman. For starters, she still has all her teeth.

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This just in: Trump now demands proof that Obama’s mother did not take hospital workers hostage and order them to create a fake birth certificate.

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And now that Donald Trump is “so proud” of himself with the Obama birth certificate issue, can he turn his powers to issues that are more important to a greater number of Americans? For example, why did Bud Selig have MLB take over the Dodgers but not the Mets?

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Meanwhile, Frank McCourt is battling the MLB takeover, saying  “Nobody handed the Dodgers to me, and nobody’s going to take it away.”

Yep, based on the financial documents that are coming out, the McCourts stole the team fair and square.

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Actually, maybe what McCourt should say is that his buying the Dodgers was at least as legitimate as Selig’s attempted oversight of Performance Enhancing Drugs.

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Apple now admits to having a locator tracker in their software. Who knew? All we might have needed to do was to send Osama Bin Laden a free iPhone.

The Lakers finished off the Hornets tonight. But who’d a thunk that at the very least New Orleans would have outlasted the Knicks. (And almost outlasted the Spurs.)

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Cam Newton #1. For the Panthers’ sake lets hope this doesn’t become a chapter in a book titled “Not-so-smart teams, Foolish choices.”

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from my son Carey, Newton is about to sign his second pro contract,

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Condoleezza Rice said today of Donald Rumsfeld that “he doesn’t know what he is talking about” and that “Don can be a grumpy guy.” Rumsfeld’s response? Well it might just be to quote Rice on George W. – that Bush’s “intelligence had simply failed to come across to the American people.”

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David Letterman tonight criticized Donald Trump’s questions about how Obama got into Harvard, and how he wrote his book. “It smacks of racism,” says Letterman. “Smack?” More like a full-on punch to the head.

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Teams are really desperate for QBs in this year’s NFL draft. How desperate? If Alex Smith was back in the draft he might even be a fourth or fifth rounder.

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Random randomness.

December 3, 2010

Jamie Moyer, 48, just had Tommy John surgery but will attempt a comeback in 2012. Even Brett Favre is saying “Dude, give it up already.”

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Qatar won the World Cup bid for 2022.

That’s Q-A-T-A-R.     No U (or S).  

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The U.S. spent millions of dollars on its unsuccessful 2022 bid.  Apparently FIFA was undeterred by the money, and the promise of hundreds of fans at each game.

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On the other hand,  the average temperature during the day in Qatar during the time of year that the World Cup is played – 118 degrees..

At least this time when players flop, they’ll be doing it for a reason.

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118 degrees for an outdoor sporting event?  This could be even worse damage done to a sport by the heat since Lebron left for South Beach.

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NCAA President Mark Emmert said he was aware of the outrage regarding their Cam Newton decision, and vowed to fix the loophole. Right, either after South Carolina upsets Auburn Saturday, or after the BCS Championship game. Wonder how these kids get the idea it’s all about money….

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Of course, any final decision on Cam Newton’s eligibility will come only after discussion with the SEC – or as Augie says – “the Southern Ethics Committee.

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John McCain has been criticizing President Obama as “inexperienced.”  But by McCain standards, Jamie Moyer and Brett Favre are inexperienced.

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NASA has discovered a new form of life that can thrive on arsenice.  I can see it now, “Honestly, your honor, I wasn’t trying to kill my husband, I thought he was an alien.”

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Bristol Palin lashed out at Keith Olberman for calling her a hypocrite, saying that’s an “old canard.” Shocking. Who taught her the word “canard?”

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Snow could shut down the city of Buffalo for the remainder of the week. And even worse news for sports fans, since the Bills are playing in Minnesota, it won’t even at least cancel their game.

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Christine O’Donnell has just tweeted that she has signed a book contract. No publication date as yet but that will be announced as soon she finds someone to write it for her.

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from Bill Littlejohn:

The Washington Redskins have announced that they will grant full refunds for all tickets in the event of a work stoppage. They will pay out retroactively starting with the Monday night game against Philadelphia”

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