Posted tagged ‘moyer jokes’

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“I’ll have what she’s having.”

June 27, 2012

If there’s a heaven, it  is no doubt a funnier place tonight.  And wonder who will be to say that to Nora Ephron. –

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One of my  favorite Ephron quotes: ““Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.”

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On November 16, 2008, the President-elect appeared on CBS’ 60 Minutes and called for a college football playoff. So once again, tonight we blame Obama. –

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Following Obama’s “thank you” to Boston for trading Kevin Youlikis to the White Sox, Mitt Romney’s campaign accused the President of choosing to “mock” Red Sox fans “when the team is struggling.” But Boston is now over .500 and has won 7 of 10. Sounds like Mitt is as in touch with baseball as he is with the rest of the country.

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Train wreck update: Rielle Hunter has announced that “as of the end of last week, John Edwards and I are no longer a couple,” saying “media scrutiny” had worn them down. Gosh, wonder if a tour for a “tell-all” book had anything to do with that?

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Even Kim Kardashian is starting to think that Rielle Hunter is a media whore.

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Egypt’s new president Mohamed Morsi apparently will appoint a woman as vice president. And yet another country jumps ahead of the U.S.

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Tumi, the high-end luggage, briefcase, handbag manufacture, is now advertising a $495 carrier for your small pet. And we wonder why other countries hate us?

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The San Diego Padres (27-47)), beat the Houston Astros (30-43), 8 to 7 Monday night in 10 innings. Wonder how many of the announced crowd of 14,483 (includes season tickets sold) were left at game’s end?

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Jamie Moyer is heading to Toronto. Good for him but what a waste with the timing – Moyer gets into the Canadian healthcare system just when he would have been eligible for Medicare.

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Will this make Moyer the first  Toronto “Gray Jay?”

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The real reason Jamie Moyer signed with the Toronto Blue Jays? He always wanted to play with that “nice young man,” Omar Vizquel.

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My friend Ben Burnett’s comment “Toronto signed 49-year-old left-hander Jamie Moyer to a minor league contract, according to a report on the team’s website late Monday……his fastball sounds great if you convert to metric.”

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Mitt Romney has a t-shirt design contest for supporters. Presumably the winning entry will have different and opposing slogans on each side?

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The NBA fined Amare Stoudemire $50,000 after he tweeted a response to a fan using an expletive and a gay slur. Smartphones really should come with a warning: “Caution, engage brain before putting fingers in gear.”

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Jamie Moyer – Golden Oldie.

April 18, 2012

Congrats to Jamie Moyer on his first win of the 2012 season. The lefty thus becomes the first MLB pitcher to have a win transmitted not only on the internet, but also by Morse Code.

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The Braves have announced plans to retire John Smoltz’s number this spring. Assume Smoltz, 47, will get a gold watch. Presumably when some team retires Jamie Moyer’s number they will give him a gold sundial?

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Not only did Americans not win the Boston Marathon, there was only one U.S. runner in each of the men and women’s top ten. What was this, an academic competition?

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Kentucky’s starting five players on their National Champion men’s basketball team (three freshman and two sophomores) have all announced they will enter this year’s NBA draft. Call me old-fashioned but it would be nice if when these schools hang the banner there was at least one player around in the fall to see it.

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A Texas company had to recall t-shirts because they featured an “SEC” logo over a partial U.S. map. But they left Missouri, new to the SEC, off the map, and included North Carolina, which is not a member. Hmm, assume the apparel firm was founded by former SEC student-athletes?

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During his suspension, New Orleans coach Sean Payton will be banned from all NFL contact. Washington fans watching this bounty mess are hoping against hope that Redskins owner Dan Snyder will somehow be implicated.

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Ted Nugent spoke to the NRA last week and compared Obama to a coyote that needs to be shot, and said if the President is re-elected “I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next year.” Which means Nugent is now getting more Secret Service attention than anyone who’s not a Columbian prostitute.

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An ABC News report says Secret Service agents accused of misconduct with prostitutes in Columbia were bragging at a nightclub by saying they worked for Obama. This would never have happened under Clinton, he would have been right there beside them.

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Kim Kardashian has now said she intends to run for mayor of Glendale, Calif. Fortunately for the good citizens of the city, her campaign will only last 72 days.

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In jury selection for Roger Clemens’ perjury trial, several prospective jurors questioned the value of Congressional hearings on the steroids issue in the first place. Well, it’s not like there are any more pressing issues Congress has to deal with….

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A labor dispute may result in the liquidation of Hostess Brands, the maker of Twinkies and HoHos. In related news, U.S. obesity figures are expected to drop at least 5%.

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For most Americans, April 17 was Tax Day. For the Romneys, it was “File-an-Extension-For-The-Taxes-You-Won’t-Pay-Much-of-Anyway Day.”

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Flip flop alert: Chris Christie, who has repeatedly said he doesn’t want to be vice president, now says if he gets called he “will sit down and talk to Gov. Romney about it.”. Run with Mitt Romney? Sounds like he’s trying to be Mitt Romney.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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