Posted tagged ‘instagram jokes’

If you are reading this.

December 21, 2012

The world hasn’t ended.  So you probably still have to go to work.

And sorry Cubs fans, you’re going to be disappointed again next year.

 

Facebook is testing an option where for $1 you can send a message to someone not on your network, and make sure it goes into their regular inbox. But no worries, those really annoying types many people try to avoid would never waste a whole dollar to reach someone.

I think both Democrats and Republicans can thank heaven this option is being tested after the Presidential election….

 

Kim Kardashian is threatening to take her pictures off Instagram over their new photo-sharing policy. Finally, for the beleaguered company some good news….

 

Peyton Manning led fan voting for the NFL Pro Bowl. Here’s an idea instead… how about letting Tim Tebow start at QB? It’s a meaningless game, he’s a fan favorite, and he’ll be rested and ready.

NY Post headline “Tim Tebow’s love affair with the Jets is over.” Although fittingly for the avowed virgin quarterback, that affair was never really consummated.

 

 

From T.C.   “Tim Tebow may be headed for the CFL next year. Wait til he finds out that it’s not The Christian Football League.”

President Obama is Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year.” If Mitt Romney, despite all the positions he took, had won the election, would Time have had to name him “People of the Year?

 

Okay, it’s not as good as Senator Stephen Colbert, but South Carolina could have the most entertaining politics in the nation. Former Gov. Mark Sanford is planning to run for the seat that Senate appointee Tim Scott is vacating . Amongst possible opponents? Jenny Sanford, his ex-wife.

 

John Boehner scrapped “Plan B” because he couldn’t get enough GOP votes. Why do I have a feeling that if Congressional salaries stopped as soon the US got within 2 weeks of the “fiscal cliff” that the Speaker would have a compromise with President Obama by now?

 

Sarah Palin, unhappy with Barack Obama being chosen “Person of the Year” said of Time Magazine “I think there’s some irrelevancy there to tell you the truth.” Well, if anyone knows irrelevancy….

 

Quote of the day from Incoming Texas State Rep. Kyle Kacal: “I’ve heard of people being killed playing pingpong—pingpongs are more dangerous than guns…. Flat-screen TVs are injuring more kids today than anything.” It’s enough to make you long for the intellectual brilliance of Rick Perry.

At what point does President Obama get annoyed enough to propose new taxes only on millionaires and orange people?

You know your Senator is getting old when…. Dianne Feinstein’s daughter Katherine Feinstein, who has been a SF superior court judge, is retiring.

 

Insta-mess.

December 19, 2012

One way not to be stressed about this new Instagram policy – have absolutely no idea how to use Instagram.

Somewhere, the Apple maps developer is giggling.

49ers tight end Vernon Davis says that chemistry is “something that me and Kap (Colin Kaepernick) don’t have right now, but we’re working on it.” And he indicated the new SF QB is “kind of scared of my speed a little bit.” Who does Davis think he is? Terrell Owens?

Someone called in an undisclosed threat in Newtown, CT, forcing district officials to keep an elementary school closed today. If police catch this guy can they sentence him to spent a week locked in a cage in the local cemetery near some of the children’s tombstones?

Suri Cruise is apparently getting a $24,000 Grand Victorian Playhouse, complete with running water and electricity, for Christmas along with a $10,000 children’s toy Mercedes. Wonder how much Tom and Katie are setting aside for future counseling?

The Jets are out, the Giants are now in a very tenuous position. Who’d a thunk the only football team in the New York-New Jersey area that ends up in the postseason might be Rutgers?

 

How the mighty have fallen. ESPN all excited about a 101-100 home comeback win by the Los Angeles Lakers – against the Charlotte Bobcats?

From Marc Ragovin:   Commenting on the Lakers poor record this year, Kobe Bryant recently said “At this point I wish we had the Washington Generals on our schedule.” “Right back at ya,” said the coach of the  Generals.

The Atlanta Hawks needed overtime to top the Washington Wizards 100-95. Overtime to beat the Wizards? Shouldn’t that count in the standings for at best half a win?

So on Saturday which retailer will start the first “After the end of the world sale?

A Utah State football player was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery and trespassing after his team’s bowl win last Saturday. So who says the “Famous Idaho Potato Bowl” hasn’t made the big time?

NY Jets Rex Ryan is apparently frustrated enough with Mark Sanchez that he is thinking of starting Greg McElroy next week against San Diego. Gosh, if only the team had access to a QB with a history of winning.

From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg:  “Times Square hookers offering a Holiday Mark Sanchez special; for an extra $50, they’ll really really suck.”

In the wake of Sandy Hook, some gun advocates now want to arm teachers. Right, let’s put guns in the hands of them all…including those without enough common sense to know it’s not a good idea to sleep with their students…