Posted tagged ‘chris heston jokes’

Hits and no hits

June 9, 2015

By the numbers.  Hits for  SF Giants pitcher  Chris Heston Tuesday night – 2.

Batters hit by Chris Heston – 3

Hits by the Mets against Chris Heston -0.

That’s some of the weirdest math you’ll see short of a politician claiming he or she can balance a budget.


The ‪#‎SFGiants‬ did at least do their very best to make Northern California sports fans forget about basketball for Tuesday night.

Nothing on game 3 yet, but the NBA admitted they missed some calls late in game 2 of the finals, three fouls by the Warriors and a travel by Lebron James. Shocking. The NBA still has a travelling rule?

Not sure who’s going to the bullpen or the minors if and when Peavy and or Cain come back this year for ‪#‎SFGiants‬. But Chris Heston just made a pretty good case for it not being him.


U.S airlines are thinking of reducing carry-on bag sizes from a maximum 22 inches by 14 inches by 9 inches, to 21.5 inches tall by 13.5 inches wide by 7.5 inches. Which should produce many millions in more revenue. If not from checked bag fees than from commission from luggage makers when Americans need to buy new bags.

One thought about this Texas pool party video. At this point, is there a police officer alive, and for that matter a partying teenager, who shouldn’t know by now that EVERYTHING is likely to be on SOMEONE’s camera phone video?

As of July 9, Carnival Cruise Lines will ban passengers from bringing any bottled drinks on ship. Carnival says the ban is to limit the smuggling of alcoholic beverages on board for “multiple issues.” As in the multiple times a day they want to sell you booze aboard ship.

Bob Baffert said of American Pharoah, the horse won’t race next year, but he can have sex with 200 mares in a short period of time….he’ll have a great life” Right, especially since unlike most top athletes, Pharoah won’t have to keep dealing with his baby mamas and child support.

A federal court has upheld new very restrictive Texas laws that will force half the state’s abortion clinics to close. Well, it’s a good thing that Texas has some of the most generous welfare laws in the country so all those women who can’t get abortions will be able to get financial help with their unplanned-for children….. Oops, never mind.

Franklin Graham, son of Billy, and head of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association wants his followers to boycott Wells Fargo over an ad with a gay couple in it, saying the bank is “promoting a Godless lifestyle. ” And “Let’s just stop doing business with those who promote sin and stand against Almighty God’s laws and His standards. ” Uh, if we’re talking banks in general, what about that stuff on usury?

Mike Huckabee is still defending the Duggar family, saying that the “media has exploited them.” Uh, Governor, if it weren’t for the media, TLC, magazines etc, none of us would have heard of the family in the first place, and Josh might have spent some time in juvenile hall.


Finally, from Henry Schulman in the SF Chronicle, for those who don’t live in the SF Bay Area:  “Chris Heston threw the 110th and final pitch of the best game of his life, slammed his right hand into his glove, exhaled a huge puff of air and started to walk the wrong way.

No, Mr. Heston, when you throw a no-hitter, you do not step toward the dugout. You immediately face the plate to get your Buster Hug. That is well-established now on a team that has become synonymous with this difficult and revered baseball achievement.”

(and yes, Heston finally figured it out.)