Archive for May 23, 2019

Fake numbers?

May 23, 2019

U.S. News & World Report says University of Oklahoma has been falsely inflating alumni endowment rates for two decades. Seriously? Did the development office hire people who were use to dealing with football player grades?

Of course, based on the latest scandal, looks like Oklahoma could have gotten plenty of pre-alumni donations…. just for admissions.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones doesn’t think NFL should take action against Ezekiel Elliott after he was seen shoving a security guard into a gate.
Elliott’s attorney said security over-reacted when Elliott was seen arguing with his girlfriend.
Over-under on Zeke’s next arrest?

So if we can disqualify a Kentucky Derby winning horse for briefly running out of his lane, how come we can’t disqualify a Stable Genius for having no concept ever of his lane?

Now it’s going to be the “Cheez-It Fiesta Bowl.”
Somehow it won’t have the same ring not to hear “this is for all the Doritos.”

Today is World Turtle Day Think turtles should sue Mitch McConnell for defaming the species.

USDA recalled more than 60,000 pounds of raw beef products from Aurora Packing Company, saying they might be contaminated.
So why isn’t Trump buying all the meat and donating it to his supporters. It’s only science. Eat the recalled beef and own the libs.

Marco Rubio now wants AG Barr to investigate if John Kerry, after he was no longer Secretary of State, violated federal law by meeting with Iranian officials.
Guess it would have been okay if Kerry met with officials from Russia?

Trump is now telling immigrants that they needs to reimburse the government for welfare benefits.
So how much does Melania owe for living in public housing?

Trump this morning tweeted that Rex Tillerson, is “a man who is “dumb as a rock” and totally ill prepared and ill equipped to be Secretary of State.”
So should we fire the man who hired him?

This is where we’re at folks. A video of Nancy Pelosi, who doesn’t drink, is doctored to make it seem like she’s drunk and slurring words, and not only does Donald Trump retweet it, he makes it his PINNED tweet. Another moment he became Presidential?

High time

May 23, 2019

Retired NFL lineman Chris Long, advocating for the NFL allowing marijuana use “it’s far less dangerous than guzzling a fifth of alcohol and going out after a game. Chances are the player won’t even make it to the club to do this sort of thing that we all kind of wag our finger at when we hear about a guy getting in a fight or getting a DUI, you’re never going to read about him sitting on the couch and binge-watching ‘Game of Thrones’ again.”
Long is right.

(And, heck, aren Doritos and Papa John’s NFL sponsor?)

 

NFL now making a big deal of awarding their future drafts. 2021 will be in Cleveland, 2023 in Kansas City.
I’ll take “Made-for-TV events you couldn’t pay me to attend” for $1,000, Alex.

Is it wrong if I don’t care if Natalie Portman and Moby dated?

Adam Schiff “I think Bill Barr has all the duplicity of Rudy Giuliani without all the good looks and general likability of Rudy Giuliani,”
Troll level – Master

Ben Carson now says he mixed up REOs and Oreos because he “was having difficulty hearing” during the committee hearing.
Gosh, well, hearing loss could be a symptom of a serious problem, maybe he should step down as HUD secretary and have that checked?

Trump now claiming since he won’t work with Democrats he can’t do any infrastructure legislation. Gosh, if only he had ever had a chance to have all of Congress controlled by Republicans. Oh, wait. Never mind.

At this point Donald Trump seems so unhinged have to hope he doesn’t pull a Mrs. Danvers in the White House.

Trump – “I don’t do cover-ups.”
Translation, “I hire people to do them for me.”

On the same day Trump says he doesn’t do cover-ups, Fox News headline is about Michael Avenatti defrauding Stormy Daniels of money she received in part from agreeing to cover-up her and Donald’s affair.
#WhyThereIsNoSatire

If Trump as he tweeted doesn’t need banks then there’s no problem with Deutsche Bank and Capital One turning over his records, right?

That moment when you claim it was a spontaneous angry press conference but magically there are pre-printed signs in the Rose Garden.