Archive for March 18, 2014

Forever younger.

March 18, 2014

George Clooney apparently has taken his new girlfriend on a safari in Tanzania. So nice that he was able to find a tour company that offered jeeps with booster seats.

The New Jersey teenager who moved out of the house and sued her parents for support, then moved back home, today dropped the lawsuit completely. Assuming she finds someone to put up with her, ought to be lots of fun when this young woman plans her wedding.

The Arizona Diamondbacks have unveiled their latest concession item, a 18-inch corn dog stuffed with cheddar cheese, jalapenos and bacon. In related news Chris Christie just asked his aides to schedule a speech for him in Phoenix.

For all those who have that “sure thing” feel about their brackets, remember when the only question about Tiger Woods passing Jack Nicklaus for wins in PGA majors was “when?”

 

One day of play-in games down. And Albany spared millions of Americans the trouble of figuring out “Where the heck is Mount St. Mary’s?”

President Obama has joined all of ESPN’s pundits in picking #4 seed Michigan State into the Final Four. So either the seeding committee or a whole lot of experts are going to look pretty stupid.

The Indianapolis Colts have announced that owner Jim Irsay has voluntarily checked into a “highly respected” rehab facility. Doesn’t “voluntarily” have an asterisk if you only do it when you get caught?

A lawsuit filed yesterday by four former college athletes accuses the NCAA and its five biggest conferences of being an “illegal cartel.” Prompting immediate demands for an apology. From cartels.

Four University of Georgia football players were arrested for allegedly depositing their stipend checks on smart-phone banking apps, and then  cashing the same checks at a store afterward. Let’s see, stipend checks WITH THEIR NAMES ON THEM? #smartphonesstupidpeople

Maybe we should tell #Putin he can have #Crimea if he takes Florida too?

New Knicks President Phil Jackson said at his first new conference that he looks forward to delivering a winner to New York. Well that’s guaranteed. Won’t the Knicks in 2014-15 have home games against the Pacers, Heat and Thunder?

In Houston, a 27 year-old firefighter who had been partying on St Patrick’s Day tried to enter his neighbor’s house by mistake last night. The 64-year old woman, thinking he was an intruder, shot and killed him. If only the poor man had been armed.

 

 

From Alex Kaseberg  Now that Courtney Love has claimed she has found Malaysian flight 370, shouldn’t we put her to work finding Jimmy Hoffa, Amelia Earhart and the Los Angeles Lakers’ offence?

Day of the Dead?

March 18, 2014

Forget November 1.  Isn’t the day after St. Patrick’s Day in the USA really the Day of the Dead?

And yes, now that it’s the day after St. Patrick’s Day we get to see the true green of the holiday – the color that many people are this morning after maybe just a few whiskey and beers Monday night.

So the biggest foreign holidays that Americans like to celebrate (St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco de Mayo) both involve heavy drinking. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

Another day, another snowstorm in D.C. Maybe some in the GOP shouldn’t have said hell would freeze over before Obamacare was actually the law of the land.

Has anyone asked #SarahPalin about the #MalaysiaAirlines plane? Maybe she can see it from her house? 

Rush Limbaugh on the Malaysian plane “Folks, I can’t handle the media on this. I literally cannot. It’s all “such a show.” And if anyone knows about “such a show,” it’s Rush Limbaugh.

Seriously, one of the problems with all the Malaysian Airlines theories. If someone had put any of them into a potential screenplay it would have been rejected as too implausible.

Former four-term Louisiana Gov. Edwin Edwards, who spent 8 years in prison for corruption will run for the House of Representatives. Spectacular! A candidate who’s done his prison time before he gets to Congress.
(And the extra-fun twist to this story is that a felony conviction makes Edwards ineligible to run for a federal office, but not a state one.)

Chris Brown is in jail after being ejected from two rehab programs in the last five months. Although he may be free on April 23. This is all part of Los Angeles’ celebrity “twenty-seven strikes and you’re really out” program.
Some at Villanova think the Philadelphia school should have had a #1 seed. On the brighter side, the Wildcats’ #2 seed is probably higher than the 76ers would have had.
No one gives Stanford a chance against New Mexico on Friday. Especially as the Lobos haven’t lost in the NCAA tournament to a over-achieving nerd team since March of 2013.

Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay was arrested for drunk driving last night. Guess it’s not just millionaire dumb jocks who need the lesson to just get a driver.

Just thinking, if being an “activist” against the current regime and wearing a “Democracy is Dead” t-shirt is enough to put the Malaysia Air pilot under suspension, darn good thing no plane I was on disappeared when George W. Bush was president.
From Alex Kaseberg:  “Los Angeles had an earthquake. It was pretty bad, at the Los Angeles Lakers practice, it actually shook a ball into the basket.”