Archive for July 21, 2012

Back to jokes.

July 21, 2012

21 people in San Jose were treated for burns on their feet after a Tony Ribbons  “Unleash the Power Within” seminar, which concluded with participants “firewalking” in bare feet over hot coals.

Uh, wouldn’t a better title be “Unleash the Idiot Within?”

 

What’s more bizarre? That in late July 2012 Tim Lincecum won to boost his record to 4-10. Or that many skeptics dismissed the win by saying “Oh, it’s only against the Phillies?”

Our long national nightmare is over. Starting Monday, “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” are back on Direct TV.

When asked about the new NBA idea to put ads on uniforms, MLB commissioner Bud Selig said “You learn never to say never, but you know, with us, uniforms are really important.” Translation, “The Yankees don’t want ads.”

Tennessee Titans WR Kenny Britt was arrested this morning for DUI in Kentucky. Okay, so we can’t solve all the problems of the world, but maybe the NFL could start mandating contracts that include players using cars and drivers?

A large black dog crossing the road in front of Tour de France riders has caused a crash in Friday’s stage of the race. And somewhere a French cat is sitting in the sun smirking and thinking “chien fou.”

An Oregon woman is selling her house after a divorce with a “For Sale” sign saying “Husband left us for a 22 year old. No adulterers please.” Maybe if she’s lucky she’ll sell it to a gay couple who’ve been together 40 years.

The U.S. Defense Department is making a special allowance for the San Diego Gay Pride parade, allowing  service members for the first time to march in such an event in uniform.

One word:  “Fabulous.”

From Gary Bachman:  “Olympic officials will reportedly provide more than 150,000 condoms to athletes at no cost during the London 2012 Olympic Games. The USA Men’s Basketball team asked, ‘What are condoms?’

Aubrey Huff is going to return to San Francisco for another MRI. Apparently he had a knee setback. “Darn” said absolutely no Giants fans.

 

No joking matter.

July 21, 2012

Some of my comedy writing friends are taking a brief hiatus due to the awful massacre in Aurora,  Colorado.  But I believe that laughing beats crying.  And anyone who knows me knows that I want lots of jokes, including gallows humor, at my funeral-wake in what I hope is the distant future.  So the jokes go on.

 

But a few thoughts first.

 

One,  we often joke that crooks are stupid. Today reminds us that not only is this often true, but also it really is a very good thing for humanity.   Dumb criminals are much easier to foil.  This fiend in Aurora is clearly very smart.   Crazy, but smart.

 

If we can’t agree on more gun control can we at least agree that we need more mental health funding?