Happy Fourth!

In 2011, Nathan’s will add a special “women-only” division for their annual hot dog eating contest. Maybe next year if they really want to get increased media attention they could add a “supermodel” category – the winner would be the first to finish a cocktail weiner.

July 4th was always George W. Bush’s favorite holiday. He could always remember what day we celebrate it.

A young man from Serbia has won Wimbledon, a young man from Northern Ireland won the U.S. Open. U.S. sports fans have to be happy it’s almost July 4. As the hot-dog eating contest might be the only championship this summer where Americans dominate.

The Major League Baseball All-Star voting has been completed. And adding to American athletes’ lack of domination this summer, the number one vote-getter, Jose Batista, is a Dominican born player on a Canadian team.

Congratulations to Cain, Lincecum, Wilson and Vogelsong. Giants All-Stars are appropriate for the season. Great pitchers. No hitters.

In central New York, a man taking part in a motorcycle ride to protest helmet laws fell over the his handlebars, hit his head, and died.  While I feel sorry for his family, the guy might be the weekend’s first confirmed Darwin Award winner.

The rape case against Dominique Strauss-Kahn is falling apart, and now there apparently is support in France for the former IMF head to run for President as the Socialist candidate.  Polls show him with a significant amount of support.

So let’s see, the man is married, has a history of affairs and other “incidents,” with women, and admits to consensual oral sex with a maid.  “How do I get dual French citizenship?” asked Bill Clinton. 

Tacky time. The rumors about the Dominque Strauss-Kahn case are now that his accuser performed oral sex on the former IMR director, and then became upset when he wouldn’t pay her. If true, the moral of the story could be – “If you’re going to stiff the maid, don’t stiff the maid.”

Meanwhile, back in the U.S., four of Herman Cain’s staffers on his presidential campaign have quit. Most Americans have one of two responses to this news – 1 – “Wow, that doesn’t speak well for his chances. 2 – “Who is Herman Cain?”

Mitt Romney will spend the Independence Day holiday in New Hampshire.    In keeping with his political history and stances, wonder if he’ll give a “Back and Fourth of July” speech?

Explore posts in the same categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

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3 Comments on “Happy Fourth!”

  1. Gary Bachman Says:

    Great jokes, Janice! Love the cocktail weener one!

  2. marc ragovin Says:

    So the man who invented the weed whacker died recently. While his family in naturally upset, they are also glad they won’t have to pay for perpetual gravesite care

  3. Gary Morton Says:

    Continuing on Tacky time. “The rumors about the Dominque Strauss-Kahn case are now that his accuser performed oral sex on the former IMR director, and then became upset when he wouldn’t pay her…”

    French President Nicolas Sarkozy calls his potential presidential rival, Strauss-Kahn, “bush league.”
    _____

    “Meanwhile, back in the U.S., four of Herman Cain’s staffers on his presidential campaign have quit.”

    The morning headline? “The Cain Mutiny”


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