Archive for July 30, 2010

No crime or misdemeanor?

July 30, 2010

The Portland Police decided not to file charges against Al Gore in the alleged 2006 sexual assault case. They cited deficiencies in the masseuse’s story, lack of forensic evidence, and the near impossibility of getting a 12 person jury to imagine Gore as a “crazed sex poodle.”


Tom Brady says he would like to pay another 10 years, until he’s 43. “Quitting so young? scoffed Brett Favre.


With Tim Tebow’s new deal with Jockey as an underwear model, maybe we’ll finally get an answer to that age old question.. .WWJW? As in “What would Jesus wear?” (Boxers or briefs?)


Where is Saturday Night Live when you need them? As in the ESPN spoof I want to see… Alex Rodriguez is still stuck on 599 home runs, and Generalissmo Francisco Franco is still dead.


After 10 plastic surgery operations, Heidi Montag has filed for divorce from Spencer Pratt. Her alleged reason? He doesn’t appreciate “the real me.”


Washington manager Jim Riggleman says he will employ a “closer by committee” strategy after the team traded Matt Capps for prospects. This is a relatively new concept for the Nationals — having games to close.


A snarky but funny comments from Gary Morton regarding my post about the Bristol Palin-Levi Johnston saga, where Levi’s ex-girlfriend may be pregnant with his child, but she doesn’t know which of three guys it is…. “What, she couldn’t read the names on the back of their jerseys (as they sprinted from her trailer)?

Sarah Palin criticized President Obama for going on “The View.” I guess she feels like he should spend his time on more important things, like taking his family camping with Kate Gosselin.


Bill Clinton today, in talking about Chelsea’s wedding and her potential dress, said he doesn’t remember what Hillary wore during their wedding. Makes sense, he hasn’t remembered his vows either.

On “The View,” President Obama admitted he didn’t know who “Snooki” was. That’s okay, on “Jersey Shore” Snooki admitted she didn’t know who President Obama was.

Two men were arrested at Citi Field during the Mets-Diamondbacks game after they jumped onto the field carrying Mexican flags to protest of Arizona’s immigration law. Fans were actually rather supportive of their efforts. In fact, a majority felt that we should leave Mexican workers alone, and just deport the Mets.

“Northern Overexposure,” renewed for another season.

July 30, 2010

So the “Northern Overexposure” show continues. Soon after the announcement that Bristol Palin is re-engaged to her ex-fiance, and father of her child, Levi Johnston, is facing a paternity test from an ex-girlfriend. Apparently the two reconnected during the time Bristol and Levi were not seeing each other.

The young woman says she “thinks” Levi is the father, but is “extremely embarrassed” because she doesn’t know.

Apparently there are at least three potential dads here. Who knew Levi and Bristol’s potential reality show might be an Alaskan remake of “Mama Mia.”


And okay, what kind of idiot gets a girl accidentally pregnant, and then doesn’t use condoms? (I never knew Levi had NBA aspirations.)


A friend posted this quote today. “We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.” — Robert Wilensky, 1996

On the other hand, they do a good job of reproducing the collective tweets of Sarah Palin.

Poor ESPN. What are they to do? For a lead story on every edition of Sportscenter they won’t be able to decide between updates on A-Rod being stuck on 599 home runs, and Stephen Strasburg disabled list updates….


Regarding President Obama’s appearance on “the View,” give the guy a little credit for being aware of popular culture. They asked former President George W. Bush what he thought of the View and he replied “I liked the one of the Rose Garden best.”


Terrell Owens apparently arrived too late and missed his flight to Cincinnati last night. Well, T.O. may or may not still be able to get past NFL safeties, but clearly he’s no match for Delta gate agents.


An investigation has shown that as many as 6600 graves at Arlington National Cemetery may have been unmarked or mismarked. So apparently they should have been referring to the Tombs of the Unknown Soldiers.

Federal agents in Fresno say they have arrested 100 people in an operation which netted over $1.7 billion worth of pot in Central California. In related news, sales of Doritos in the Fresno area have fallen 50 percent.


Buck Showalter was hired today as manager of the Orioles. Well, at least he won’t have to worry about any more criticism for managing badly during the playoffs.

(while Showalter has done well with teams in the past, none of them have won the World Series, and two won it the year AFTER he left.)

Meg Whitman has said if elected she will run California like she ran Ebay. For starters, instead of an expensive re-election campaign, she’ll just implement a “Buy-it-Now” button.


According to a recent poll, apparently Meg Whitman’s expensive commercials are largely being tuned out by California voters. Well, if this governor thing doesn’t work out, she may have a job waiting for her as director of programming for NBC.