Posted tagged ‘Toyota jokes’

Double trouble?

May 21, 2010

KFC originally envisioned the “Double Down” as a temporary promotion. But the fast food chain said the sandwich with two pieces of fried chicken for a bun has become so popular that they will keep selling it indefinitely. To paraphrase P.T. Barnum, no one ever went broke underestimating the taste for greasy, fattening foods of the American public.

Tesla Motors and Toyota have announced a partnership to build electric cars in California. Does this mean Tesla will change their motto to “Ain’t no stopping us now?”


Bizarre travel thought of the day. You cannot use cash to buy a beer onboard most airlines these days, but you can use cash to buy a one way ticket to Pakistan.


Despite spending $68 million of her own money in the California GOP gubernatorial primary (so far), Meg Whitman has seen her 50 point lead in the polls over Steve Poizner drop to single digits. The former Ebay executive is particularly frustrated that the election didn’t just have a “Buy-it-now” button.


You have to love it though, Poizner has spent $28 million of his own money. And he is getting traction out of accusing Whitman, who has spent $60 million of her own money, of buying the election.


And this is all just to run as the GOP candidate for governor of a state in the midst of a huge budget crisis with no apparent way out. Haven’t seen rich people waste so much money on winning such a dubious prize since the last America’s Cup.


Latest quote from Richard Blumenthal. “I wore the uniform” during Vietnam. Is he now saying he worked at McDonalds?


At this point Blumenthal may own the distinction of being the U.S. politician who has most embarrassed himself while still keeping his pants zipped.


Paul McCartney is playing at San Francisco’s A T and T Park in July. Not to say Sir Paul is getting old, but the Giants tried to sign him to play the outfield.


Kevin Costner has funded a science team that has developed an “oil extracter.” And BP may be able to use the device to clean up their spill in the Gulf. Well, who better to be an expert on toxic messes than the man who made “Waterworld?”

From Bill Littlejohn – Brett Favre told the Southern Mississippi University baseball team that if they make it to the College World Series, he’ll play for one more year. If they don’t make it to the World Series, he’ll play two more. Or maybe three, or maybe two…

And the award goes to…

March 8, 2010

On Oscar night Americans always learn two things- First, the names of the winners of a number of awards. Second, with most most of the attendees wearing outfits that cost at least five figures (before jewelry), that money absolutely cannot buy taste.

So congrats to Kathryn Bigelow, who won both best director and best picture for “The Hurt Locker.” But really, wonder how many of those votes were for having the good sense to divorce James Cameron?

(Btw, Oscar commentators this year like to talk about how great it is that “older women” won and how young they look. (Best Director Kathryn Bigelow is 58, Best Actress Sandra Bullock is 45.) So what about older men..?.(Best Actor Jeff Bridges is 61.)

My very funny and otherwise intelligent friend Rich Lieberman refers to George Clooney as a “giant hemorrhoid.” With all due respect Rich, if Cooney were a hemorrhoid, lack of sales from women would put Preparation H out of business.,


It’s that time of year again – March Madness. And there’s also the NCAA basketball tournament starting soon, in addition to the usual spring training delusions of Cubs fans about a World Series championship,


US Airways pilot, Charles “Sully” Sullenberger, 59, has retired from US Airways. Apparently he wanted to spend more time with his grandchildren, instead of being directed by them from the control tower.



Both GM and Ford have announced recent sales increases. I believe the unofficial title of these successful campaigns is “I love what you do for me, Toyota.”

There’s no business like snow business….

February 11, 2010

Actually the few SUV taxis in the D.C. area are making a fortune. Apparently rates are about $200 to get from downtown to Dulles airport…


Some conservative preachers and pundits like to say that natural disasters are God’s punishment for some sort of misbehavior. Think three feet of snow in Washington D.C. might be a sign that Congress should have passed healthcare reform?


According to an article to be published in the International Journal of Epidemiology, experts say the more bored you are, the more likely you are to die early. If this were really true, most teenagers wouldn’t survive high school.

Zappos.com is having a contest to be “Coach of the Day” for the New Jersey Nets. The winner will get a number of prizes, including tickets, dinner, and assisting coaches with pre-game drills, but the company stresses it is an honorary coaching title only. Come on, the Nets are 4 and 48. How much worse could an amateur be?


So the first prize is being coach of the Nets a day? Second prize presumably is being coach of the Nets for the rest of the season?

Rough season for the UNC men’s basketball team. They fell to 2-7 in the ACC with a loss to Duke, and will probably miss the NCAA tournament for the first time in recent memory. On the brighter side, the Tarheels would still probably be favored in a game against the New Jersey Nets.

While Washington D.C. has had significant snowfall, midwest residents know the real problem has been the lack of snow removal equipment. But to be fair, this was a big storm. It probably would have shut down Chicago for at least several hours.


Just how many snow days have they had in Washington DC this year? Put it this way, before school is out this summer, the Washington Nationals may be eliminated from the playoffs.

A Toyota executive said that U.S.dealers were repairing 50,000 cars a day and that the gas pedal fix would “last a lifetime.” Does this really need a punchline?


This could be the warmest winter Olympics ever. Think maybe the IOC is reconsidering their decision not to offer a spot to the Jamaican bobsled team?

John Mayer apologized for a Playboy interview where he insulted both his ex-girlfriends Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston, and also used the “N” word. He said he had to stop being “so raw” in interviews. No, John, how about trying to stop being “so stupid” in interviews?


Two men used the same word to describe liberal groups. But Sarah Palin called for Rahl Emanuel’s firing while defending Rush Limbaugh’s use of the term because it was “satire.” So Stephen Colbert announced that since HIS show was satire, that it was fair to call Palin a “f–king retard.” Is this a great country or what?

New theme song at Ford headquarters…

February 5, 2010

New theme song at Ford Headquarters – “I love what you do for me, Toyota.”


So Toyota knew there was a problem that would be extremely detrimental to their brand, but kept it secret until their hand was forced by a high-profile crash. Talk about a company that should have had a marketing agreement with Tiger Woods.


Latest breaking news from Miami!! The Colts’ All-Pro Defensive End Dwight Freeney’s ankle is still sore. And Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.


High school superstar offensive tackle Seantrel Henderson, who may well end up leaving school early for the NFL, committed to USC and Lane Kiffin today. The betting pool has already started as to whether Henderson or Kiffin will have a longer stay with the Trojans.


So in California, the two Republican multi-millionaires, (Meg Whitman and Steve Poizner) running for Governor are sniping at each other like schoolchildren, and Carly Fiorina, who is running for Senate, has come up with an ad portraying her opponent Tom Campbell as some sort of demonic sheep.

Meanwhile over on the other side, Jerry Brown and Barbara Boxer are thinking, why hire campaign consultants? No one could do a better job for the Democratic party than the job these guys are doing themselves.


Carly Fioriana’s “demon sheep” ad about Tom Campbell (easy to find on google/youtube etc., if you haven’t seen it) is truly creative to say the least. And it does answer one tough question. How did this woman manage to be fired by the same McCain campaign that chose and kept Sarah Palin?