Posted tagged ‘St. Patrick’s Day jokes’

Day of the Dead?

March 18, 2014

Forget November 1.  Isn’t the day after St. Patrick’s Day in the USA really the Day of the Dead?

And yes, now that it’s the day after St. Patrick’s Day we get to see the true green of the holiday – the color that many people are this morning after maybe just a few whiskey and beers Monday night.

So the biggest foreign holidays that Americans like to celebrate (St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco de Mayo) both involve heavy drinking. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

Another day, another snowstorm in D.C. Maybe some in the GOP shouldn’t have said hell would freeze over before Obamacare was actually the law of the land.

Has anyone asked #SarahPalin about the #MalaysiaAirlines plane? Maybe she can see it from her house? 

Rush Limbaugh on the Malaysian plane “Folks, I can’t handle the media on this. I literally cannot. It’s all “such a show.” And if anyone knows about “such a show,” it’s Rush Limbaugh.

Seriously, one of the problems with all the Malaysian Airlines theories. If someone had put any of them into a potential screenplay it would have been rejected as too implausible.

Former four-term Louisiana Gov. Edwin Edwards, who spent 8 years in prison for corruption will run for the House of Representatives. Spectacular! A candidate who’s done his prison time before he gets to Congress.
(And the extra-fun twist to this story is that a felony conviction makes Edwards ineligible to run for a federal office, but not a state one.)

Chris Brown is in jail after being ejected from two rehab programs in the last five months. Although he may be free on April 23. This is all part of Los Angeles’ celebrity “twenty-seven strikes and you’re really out” program.
Some at Villanova think the Philadelphia school should have had a #1 seed. On the brighter side, the Wildcats’ #2 seed is probably higher than the 76ers would have had.
No one gives Stanford a chance against New Mexico on Friday. Especially as the Lobos haven’t lost in the NCAA tournament to a over-achieving nerd team since March of 2013.

Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay was arrested for drunk driving last night. Guess it’s not just millionaire dumb jocks who need the lesson to just get a driver.

Just thinking, if being an “activist” against the current regime and wearing a “Democracy is Dead” t-shirt is enough to put the Malaysia Air pilot under suspension, darn good thing no plane I was on disappeared when George W. Bush was president.
From Alex Kaseberg:  “Los Angeles had an earthquake. It was pretty bad, at the Los Angeles Lakers practice, it actually shook a ball into the basket.”

Rammed?

March 16, 2012

Open note to NCAA selection committee: Maybe you shouldn’t give VCU any more double digit seeds.

For all starting early for Saturday, here’s a suggested St. Patrick’s Day toast – May your troubles last as long as your perfect brackets!

During their NCAA game Thursday, Southern Miss. band members taunted Kansas State player Angel Rodriguez by chanting “Where’s your green card?” Racist and stupid yes. But what elevates this to a higher level of ignorance – apparently the students went after Rodriguez because they found he was from Puerto Rico.


Not sure about this anti-education attitude of Rick Santorum. Someone asked one of his supporters what he thought of Murray State today, and the guy replied “Not sure when their primary is, but I’m sure the voters of Murray will support Santorum’s true conservative message.”

The Portland Trail Blazers have waived Greg Oden — the #1 overall pick in the 2007 draft. On the bright side for Oden, he should be eligible for Medicare.

Peyton Manning and the Titans met for over eight hours last night. Eight hours!? That’s longer than at least one of Brett Favre’s retirements.

ESPN’s top 10 reason’s your team won’t land Tim Tebow: (My son Carey and I both have one), http://espn.go.com/espn/page2/story/_/id/7688839/readers-provide-top-10-reasons-their-team-land-peyton-manning


Joe Nelson, a former Goldman Sachs employee from London (not the one who wrote the NY Times op-ed), has started a company making custom-fit condoms. Insert “covering a bunch of p***ks joke” here:

In Lafayette, CO, near Boulder, police ticketed a man who is accused of tying his cat’s leash to a rock after the pet refused to go jogging. Wonder if they had to bring the ticket to the hospital while the guy was getting stitches?

Rick Santorum says on his website now that a “wealth of research” now shows that pornography causes “profound brain changes, with widespread negative consequences.” If true this also shows strong cause why men should be banned from both Congress and the military.

Santorum’s campaign is the latest to bring up the Romney vacation story. As his senior staffer John Brabender said ‘What the heck was he thinking, putting the dog on the top of the roof?’ Santorum, of course, would never make a dog ride on his car roof… a gay person or a single woman asking for birth control maybe.

Rick Santorum, who was quoted saying English as the “main language” in Puerto Rico had to be a requirement for achieving statehood, now is backtracking from that statement and saying he was misquoted”

Santorum’s not trying to catch Mitt Romney, he’s trying to BE Mitt Romney.

The Blunt-Rubio amendment says that if an employer or insurance plan has any “religious or moral objection,” then a health care service can be excluded from coverage. Okay, let’s leave sex out of this, does that mean if an employer has moral objections to drinking and/or smoking, can they can refuse to cover anyone’s resulting liver or lung cancer?

From Marc Ragovin: Despite a string of losses in the primaries and trailing badly in the delegate count, Newt Gingrich has vowed to carry on to Tampa, and guarantees that he will be the eventual GOP nominee. Ya know, I swear that every time Newt speaks Callista’s nose gets a little longer.