Posted tagged ‘New York Yankees’

As the Yankees turn…

February 5, 2009

Derek Jeter defended his former manager and said, despite the book controversy that Joe Torre would never intentionally be cruel or try to hurt anybody. That remains George Steinbrenner’s job.

What’s all the big fuss about Phelps and the bong? Not exactly like marijuana would have helped him swim faster. Now if Takeru Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut were seen using one before the hot dog eating championship…

(note, Chestnut is the current champion, Kobayashi is a six time champion.)

This just in, all cellphones and cameras will now be confiscated at the door for any parties involving Jamaica’s track team.

And yet another Olympic scandal to tarnish a sport’s reputation. At a recent party a member of the U.S. snowboarding team was seen NOT smoking marijuana.

In Pittsburgh, city officials have adjusted their original estimates of 300,000 in the streets for the Steelers’ Super Bowl victory parade. Apparently about half of that number was just in line at the unemployment office.

Prosecutors now say that they believe Barry Bonds was taking a female fertility drug to mask his steroid use. In Bonds’ defense his lawyers say actually he was fascinated by the idea of octuplets.

And since it’s been a while since any Hillary jokes…

Hillary Clinton spent some of her first week as Secretary of State calling world leaders and said they all had a “appreciation” for the new Obama foreign policy. They also asked her, next time can you please not call at 3am?

Hillary Clinton said in a town meeting with State Department staff that sometimes she completely forgot she ran for president; “it was like a blur it went by so fast.” And of course, she was distracted by sniper fire at the time.


While we’re on the subject of songs…

December 23, 2008

After the Redskins played “Pick up the pieces” before their win on Sunday….

What about songs for other teams?
After the Yankees dropped ANOTHER $180 million to get Mark Teixeira.  Can we change their song from “New York, New York” to “Money can’t buy me love?”

(this might even be true within the five New York boroughs, if they don’t win at least the pennant.)

And the San Diego Chargers, with a 7-8 record and only needing a win to get into the playoffs – “Living on a Prayer.”


New York Jets defensive end Shaun Hill was fined $10,000 for throwing snow at Seattle fans after the Jets’ 13-3 loss to the Seahawks. Actually Brett Favre tried to throw a snowball at the fans too, but it was intercepted and run back for a touchdown.

Upcoming headline in New York:  “Yankees sign ALL Major League Baseball free agents.”

(why not?  They could just send the mediocre ones to their AAA and AA farmclubs.)


 Mike Tomlin did his best to show Santa Claus the door after the Steelers coach felt Santa had overstayed his welcome.  No worries,  Santa was actually heading to San Diego, where the potentially 8-8 Chargers may end up with a playoff spot for Christmas.

Apparently there are problems with the cell phone connections from Hawaii to Washington D.C.  President-elect Obama has called several times to President Bush recently asking the first thing he should do upon taking office.  And all he hears is Bush saying “Pardon me?”

It’s a great thing that Americans have put aside their prejudices, and elected a mixed-race president.  What might be even more surprising, they elected a man who admits he is still an occasional smoker. 

And if this week is a little weak, I am spending eight days in Ireland and Britain.  Where the reality shows are all the same – seriously – X Factor (which is basically American Idol.), Strictly Come Dancing.  (which is NOT Dirty Dancing, but basically So you think you can Dance.)   And Don’t Forget the Lyrics, The Weakest Link, Are you smarter than a 10th grader? etc. 


So next time you think American programming executives are weak, trust me, they are weaker than you think .   And they aren’t original.


But regarding sports, the big ones over here on television…soccer, of course, but followed by snooker, show jumping (horses), cricket, and darts.  Yes, darts.  Serious darts.   And it’s great viewing for all those who would prefer to watch a sport like golf, but find themselves intimidated by all the athletes’  great physiques.

It’s all in the numbers…

December 12, 2008

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich’s approval numbers are down to eight percent.  Amazing.  Didn’t realize eight percent of Americans were comedy writers.

Illinois’s attorney general has asked the state Supreme Court to remove Blagojevich from office by declaring him “unfit to serve.”    Well, that didn’t stop President Bush.  

Despite or maybe because of the huge free-agent contracts the Yankees have signed in the last week, the team is asking for another $360 million in bonds from the city of New York for their new stadium.

Actually, there are a surprising number of comparison between the Yankees and the American auto industry.    They’re both historic, big, and expensive….and neither has had a real winner this decade.

Silver linings for some!

December 11, 2008

Well,  one silver lining in the Blagojevich scandal.  The most embarrassing thing in Illinois is no longer the Cubs.

What’s the difference between New York and Illinois?   In New York the GOVERNOR paid to play.

And who knew…not only is he now not the most embarrassing governor of the decade, Eliot Spitzer isn’t even the most embarrassing governor of the year.

Of course, the silver lining in California is that it no longer looks quite so embarrassing  just to have elected another movie actor.


Ah for the good old days, when inmates in prison wrote letters asking “Pardon me Governor?”  Now they are more likely to ask “Pardon me,  weren’t you the Governor?”

After commenting publicly on how much he wanted to play near his home in California, C C Sabathia took the big money and signed with the Yankees.  Besides, he realized he still would probably have Octobers off.

Basketball and other late nights.

November 19, 2008

ESPN kicked off, or I should say tipped off, its men’s college basketball season coverage with a 14 game marathon starting at midnight.  Unsuspecting fans were shocked to turn on the television at that hour and see basketball, they thought the only live games at midnight were the baseball playoffs.

The New York Yankees are opening their new stadium next year with exhibition games against the Chicago Cubs.  Why the Cubs?  The Yankees wanted an opponent who wouldn’t learn anything about the stadium they could use in a potential World Series.

President Bush has been inviting several champion sports teams, including most recently the U.S. Ryder Cup winners, to the White House during his last months in office.  But given George W’s own record, wouldn’t a more appropriate team to invite be the 1-7 Washington Wizards?

University of Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez has told fans to “get a life” after reading some negative personal comments on message boards.   And certainly it’s wrong to attack a coach personally just because of a lousy season.  But a tip for Coach Rodriguez.  When you’re 3-8 with a school record for football losses, maybe it’s not a good idea to be reading message boards. 

Senator Ted Stevens has now lost his bid for re-election, although if elected he would have probably been forced to resign soon anyway.   So two words that comedy writers won’t be getting for Christmas – “Senator Palin.”

After the election…

November 6, 2008

It should be at least a few weeks before the first candidates declare for 2012.


One day after the election, Barack Obama is working on his transition team.  And Joe Biden is just finishing delivering his VP acceptance speech.

Sarah Palin said she doesn’t believe she cost John Palin a single vote.  Well, Obama may have won most of the swing states, but Palin certainly owns the state of denial.

After the election there were plenty of phone calls.  George W.  Bush and Dick Cheney called John McCain to offer condolences.  And Bill Clinton called Sarah Palin to offer to buy her lunch.

After the end of the baseball season Manny Ramirez said he wanted a big longterm contract, saying  “I want to see who is the highest bidder. Gas is up and so am I,”

Yeah, proving exactly why smart teams won’t sign him to a long term contract…


There are reports that Major League Baseball agents are scrambling to sign their clients’ big contracts before January 1,  when President-Elect Obama’s expected tax increases will hit multi-millionaires.   

So who knew, they may not make the playoffs, but the Yankees could at least help pay off our national debt.

And voters in San Francisco overwhelmingly rejected a measure that would have renamed a local sewage plant after George W. Bush.  Of course, San Franciscans being San Franciscans, no word as to whether they thought the renaming would be unfair to the president,  or to the sewage plant.

As we approach Halloween…

October 21, 2008

Most Americans are working on their costumes…
Rumor has it members of the Cincinnati Bengals are planning to come as professional football players.

Some people like to dress up for Halloween as cheerleaders, athletes, boy or girl scouts, something from their younger lives…. Which is why John McCain is going as a maverick.

Online bidding went as high as $65,100 per seat for each PSL (personal seat license) for the best seats to New York Jets seats in the new Meadowlands stadium, which is scheduled to open in 2010.  Lucky winners will get to pay $700 per ticket to the games themselves.

The most upset people in New York about these auction prices?  Yankees management, who wonder “Why didn’t we think of this?” 

A month ago, the Dallas Cowboys were 3-0, and the stock market was over 11,000.  Guess maybe they really are America’s team.

And John McCain said he just “loves being an underdog.”  Finally, the real reason he picked Sarah Palin.