Posted tagged ‘Murdoch jokes’

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The buck stops….?

July 20, 2011

“The buck stops anywhere but here” award today goes to Rupert Murdoch. Asked by a member of a parliamentary committtee “Do you accept that ultimately you are responsible for this whole fiasco?” Murdoch simply responded: “No.”

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Potentially scary questions about Murdoch media enterprises in the U.S. Do they have higher ethical standards than their compatriots in the U.K? Or have they just not been caught yet?

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A Northern California man who started a fire by smoking meth with a blowtorch near a container of gunpowder has been sentenced to 45 days in jail. Although he missed out on the prize he richly deserved – a Darwin award.

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The latest Michele Bachmann headlines are about her possibly incapacitating migraines. And Bachmann has responded “I have prescribed medication that I take whenever symptoms arise and they keep the migraines under control.” Just one more addition to the list of those who benefit from good healthcare, and still want to deny it to many Americans.

Adds Alex Schubert: “Considering her public speaking ability, she should share some of her migraine medication.”

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Michael Vick is now working with three members of congressmen to support an anti-dogfighting bill. Well, it’s no stranger (and will do a lot more good) than many divorced and/or unfaithful politicians supporting the Defense of Marriage Act.

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The Federal Aviation Administration is investigating a Colorado air traffic controller for allegedly working while intoxicated. In the controller’s defense, he said he was studying for his pilot’s license.

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Delta Airlines has indicated plans to pull out of 15 small towns if they don’t get increased federal subsidies. Six of those cities are in Minnesota, and Delta is the only carrier serving them. Will someone please ask Michele Bachmann and Tim Pawlenty to confirm their anti-goverment spending stance on this one?

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Seattle Mariners fans were shocked tonight when their team, who would have to go on a offensive tear to make it up to “light-hitting,” actually scored five runs in the first two innings.

Then reality set in and the Mariners didn’t score again and lost 6-5 in 14 innings.

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And okay creative readers,  who wants to guess what Brian Wilson will wear next week for the San Francisco Giants’ visit to the White House?

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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.Mistakes were made, but only minor ones by me.

July 16, 2011

Rupert Murdoch is now in full apology mode, less than a day after insisting his company had made only “minor mistakes” in handling the hacking crisis. Rupert may lose much of his newspaper empire over this, but he has been offered a position as spokesman for BP.

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As the Murdoch empire phone-hacking scandal grows, Rebekah Brooks finally lost her job as chief executive of News International when she was forced to resign today. “What a shame” said absolutely nobody.

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Michele Bachmann’s husband Marcus is now denying that his Christian counseling business tries to “cure” gays of homosexuality. Guess that means they better stop referring privately to some clients as the “formerly fabulous.”

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So the Yankees have been beaten soundly twice by the Blue Jays – 16 to 7, and 7 to 1. Open note to New York players: The All Star game is over, you can start showing up.

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Now it turns out that Jim Tressel, formerly of that squeakly clean reputation, had been rated “unacceptable” in 2005-06 by Ohio State for “compliance issues,” and had a letter of reprimand only six months after he took the coaching job. Guess he and the school were doing a good job playing it close to the vest.

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Jennifer Lopez is single again; she and Marc Anthony have announced their separation. Which means for most American men, they have about as much chance as getting together with her as they did when she was off the market.

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No explanation given for the J-Lo and Marc Anthony split. But I’m sure some publication will soon offer a “behind” the scene report.

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Another in the “And we wonder why other countries hate us” department: At the Trump hotel in Las Vegas, they are now offering couples massages for dogs and their owners for $150 for 30 minutes.

(Said my friend Alex Kaseberg – Trump thought of this when he and that thing on his head enjoyed a couples massage.)

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And from my funny friend Jim Barach:  Tiger Woods says he will play in a rescheduled match for charity in August. Of course, playing for Charity is what got Tiger in trouble. Along with playing for Destiny, Cinnamon and all the other strippers he was dating.

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Dodgers owner Frank McCourt is saying he can no longer keep up the payments on seven of the properties that his ex-wife Jamie got in the divorce, saying she doesn’t need them anyway. I believe this will be known as the “A plague on all your houses” strategy.

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And Angelinos like to say San Franciscans are wimps. “Carmageddon?” Come on, dudes, deal with it. Not even as bad as a decent-sized earthquake. And with advance notice.

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Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Comments: 7 Comments