Posted tagged ‘March madness jokes’

« Left Coast Sports Babe home page
Newer Entries »

Kosher Tequila?

March 29, 2009

No joke, a U.S. company is planning to launch a new Kosher Tequila in time for Cinco de Mayo.

Presumably each bottle will come with a free phone card, because “if you have time to drink tequila, you have time to call your mother.”

Three shots and you’ll be singing “Ay, ay, ay, oy!”

Kosher Tequila, just what you want for those Matzo Wrapped Burrritos and Gefilte Fish Tacos.

–

What’s going to be their ad campaign “Kosher tequila – now you don’t even need a hangover to feel guilty?”

or

“When you need a shot of guilt”?

or

“Pass out on Pass Over”?

No word yet on the kosher worm.

–

Madonna is apparently trying to adopt a four year old girl from Malawi. What does a 50 year old mother of three want with another whiny child. Guess she misses A-Rod more than we thought.

–

Barney Frank called Supreme Court judge Antonin Scala a “homophobe.” Scalia corrected him quickly, saying the correct term is “misanthrope.”

–
With the final four composed of two one-seeds, one two-seeds and one three-seeds, Cinderella officially didn’t make it to the NCAA tournament. Apparently her fairy godmother invested with Bernie Madoff.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

More madness..

March 28, 2009

Gilbert Arenas is returning to the Washington Wizards, but retiring from blogging, saying ‘Eventually your words is going to kill you.’

No word on when he will launch his Presidential exploratory committee.

–
Five Big East teams could make the Elite Eight at the NCAA tournament. Even scarier, a couple of them could probably make the playoffs in the NBA’s Eastern Conference.

–
With the Pitt Panthers one win away from the final four, fans of top college level sports in Pittsburgh are especially excited. Normally they have to wait for the regular season with the Pirates.

–

So much for risk tasking. The Elite Eight has four one seeds, two two seeds, and two three seeds. And of course the folks chortling about their positiions in the office pools are the same folks who have had kept all their money in treasury bonds.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags:

Comments: Be the first to comment

Sarah Palin’s 5 “W”s of Journalism…

March 25, 2009

Governor Sarah Palin this week unleashed yet another diatribe against the media who she is still blaming for the Republicans’ poor showing last November. Palin says that journalists have forgotten the 5 “W”s of journalism. Which I guess to her are “Who, what, when,where and whine.”

–
As the NCAA basketball tournament starts up again tomorrow the lowest remaining team is 12 seed Arizona. Since the Wildcats are riding a 25 year straight run of tournament appearances, isn’t calling them a Cinderella kind of like saying your underdog pick to win the 2009 World Series is the Yankees?

–
Meanwhile, over at the women’s tournament, the big story is U Conn. Not only a one seed, but an undefeated one at that. With an average margin of victory this season of about 30 points. Yes, 30.

Maybe it would be appropriate for the other teams in the tournament to have the final in the Alamodome.

–
Quote of the day, from new American Idol judge Kara Diogardi to a contestant tonight:

“Six words! One of the top performances of the night.”

And President Bush, watching at home, said “Exactly.”

–

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

A break in the Madness…

March 24, 2009

The remaining teams in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament are mostly 1s, 2s, 3s and 4s. With only one 5 and a 12. Most Americans haven’t seen that many numbers so low since they opened their latest 401ks.

–
With so many high-ranked teams in the Sweet Sixteen, basketball fans won’t even have the bittersweet pleasure of watching underdogs who get their hopes up and then dash them in the end. But fortunately we’ll soon have the Chicago Cubs.

–

President Obama responded to a question about his response to the AIG bonuses by saying “It took a couple of days because I like to know what I’m talking about before I speak.”

And former President Bush said “You can do that?”

–

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal told the GOP to “put 2008 in the rear view mirror.” He also asked them to do the same with his response to Obama’s speech?.

–
Many Americans are particularly upset about AIG because of the taxpayer money wasted on undeserving employees in an inept operation. For New Yorkers at least, fortunately they’ll soon have the distraction of the Mets opener at the new Citi Field.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

We’re number 98!

March 24, 2009

How the mighty have fallen: Stanford University, a sweet sixteen team only a year ago, is currently competing in the CBI. (College Basketball Invitational.) This is a pay-for-play tournament for teams who just missed both the 65 team NCAA AND 32 team NIT tournaments.

The Cardinal have won their first two games, putting them on course for the finals. Where if they win, yes, they can print the t-shirts- “We’re number 98!”

–

So as we get to the Sweet Sixteen in the men’s NCAA tournament, 14 of the 16 top seeds remain, with only one five seed and one twelve seed remaining as semi-underdogs. 14 out of 16 numbers predicted correctly? Maybe when this tournament is over we should have the seeding committee tackle the banking industry.

–
And another problem with the WBC – (World Baseball Classic.) Not only is it during spring training, it is during March Madness, thereby almost guaranteeing that most sports fans are focused elsewhere.

But another suggestion, besides moving it to November. Invite 64 nations. Seed them. And then put out a press release saying that by no means should Americans bet on the WBC, but by the way, here is a printable bracket.

–
From my very funny friend Jim Barach:

President Obama has signed a publishing deal with Crown Publishing for a post presidency book. Apparently it is going to be called “What The Hell Was I Thinking?”

–

Meow corner.
–
Harrison Ford has finally announced his engagement to Calista Flockhart. Apparently he wanted to wait until she had graduated from high school.

or

Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart have finally announced their engagement. They plan to have a great wedding, being able to take advantage of his senior and her student discount.

–

Before county commissioners approved a plan for a new Florida Marlins stadium, they were asked if Miami to become the “only major city in America without major league baseball.”

And in Washington DC, home of the Nationals, fans responded, “what are we, chopped liver?”

–

The New York Yankees still have unsold expensive seats in their new stadium. But the team feels confident the seats will sell once buyers realize they won’t have to worry about spending more money on World Series tickets.

–

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags:

Comments: Be the first to comment

The ugly stepsisters are winning…

March 23, 2009

One seed higher than a four left in the Sweet Sixteen –Arizona, the Pac 10 team no one, including me, thought should be in the tournament in the first place. Zero upsets on Sunday. – zero, no lower seed beat a higher seed in any of the eight games.

Maybe Cinderella’s fairy godmother was too busy fretting about her 401k to show up?

President Obama’s pick are now looking pretty respectable, he is in the top half of the millions of entrants in ESPN’s challenge. Some folks have been complaining that he should be focused on the economy. But really, shouldn’t even a President have some way to blow off steam and relax? I would venture to say March Madness is a better outlet, than say, our last Democratic president found?

–
More on the subject of the new official “Yankees Sod” and “Yankees Grass Seed,” where fans can purchase the same sod and/or seed used at Yankee Stadium.

If successful, this will open up a whole wave of new possiblities:

Minnesota Twins grass – inexpensive and surprisingly effective, even indoors.

Red Sox grass – almost as expensive as Yankees grass. Requires years of patience for success.

Nationals grass – imported from Canada in hopes of having it perform better in a warmer climate. So far results are unimpressive.

–
Cubs grass – does this need a punchline? But okay, Incredibly popular, but almost always dead by the end of summer.

–
Royals and Pirates grass- not very impressive, but cheap. For lawns nobody notices.

–

–

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Say what, Sarah?

March 21, 2009

Governor Sarah Palin criticized President Obama for his “Special Olympics” gaffe last night on the Tonight Show.

Isn’t Sarah Palin criticizing someone for saying something stupid in a television interview like Bill Clinton criticizing John Edwards for doing something stupid with another woman?

–
Or AIG criticizing Citigroup for reckless investing practices?

–
Or Michael Jackson criticizing Nayda Shulman’s parenting skills?

–

Actually, Governor Palin is sticking by what she feels is well-qualified criticism of President Obama. Not only does she have a Downs syndrome child, she can see Russian Special Olympics athletes training from her house.

–
And btw, apologies if any of these Special Olympics jokes are offensive. They aren’t meant to be. (And I’m not running for office.)
–
After Barack Obama foolishly compared his 129 bowling game to a Special Olympics attempt, some Special Olympics athletes have come forward to challenge the President to a bowling match.

Following in the footsteps of all the Special Olympics athletes who wanted to challenge President Bush to a game of Jeopardy.

–
The California Golden Bears, the NCAA’s best three-point shooting team in the regular season, were bounced in the first round by Maryland. The Bears hit only 29 percent of their three-point attempts.

In fact, their shooting percentage was so bad, they’ve been invited to go hunting with Dick Cheney.

–
How random are some NCAA pool picks? If you think your brackets are busted now, what if it was required that to get credit for a team’s win, you would have to know the city and state where they are located, and the mascot? (Siena, for example.)

–

A serious thought, yes, I do post one or two once in a while The World Baseball Classic is not only not grabbing the country’s attention, it is delaying the start of the Major League Baseball season enough that the World Series may go into November. Not to mention some players are getting injured and it may affect their seasons.

So why not put Spring Training and the regular season back to where they were, have the World Series a little earlier, and then play the WBC afterwards somewhere warm and/or indoors? It’s not as if November is a huge sports month, especially earlier in the month before the college football rivalry games get going. And players will be less worried about being injured for the regular season.

Just a thought.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

The Tonight Show

March 19, 2009

President Obama appeared Thursday night on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Some Americans wondered why he could justify taking the time this week; it HAD to take his attention off the NCAA tournament.

–

Should we be so surprised about all the foolish financial decisions so many Americans have made? At least five million of us are still convinced we will win our March Madness pool.

–

Is there anyone else watching the tournament thinking that maybe the “Pontiac game-changing performance” should be GM building a Pontiac Americans actually want to buy?

–

Apparently taxpayers’ bailout money has gone to 13 companies that collectively owe over $220 million in unpaid federal taxes. 13 tax dodging companies!? Or as Timothy Geithner calls them – “my people.”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

What a great night…

March 19, 2009

As of tonight, Wednesday, most Americans’ 401ks may be in tatters, but our brackets are perfect.

–

Coach Mike Krzyzewski complained about the fact that President Obama didn’t pick Duke to make it to the Final Four in his brackets.
Said Coach K “really the economy is something he should focus on more than the brackets.’’

Wonder if President Obama thought about responding “Considering Duke hasn’t won a championship in eight years, Maybe the brackets are something Coach K should focus on more than the economy.”

–

Want to get some of those AIG bonuses back?

Many newspapers routinely print the names and pictures of people arrested for things such as prostitution or DUI. Why not do the same for those AIG execs who decide not to give back their bonuses?

For that matter, they print the names and pictures of people when they do positive noteworthy things. Suppose any exec who thinks he or she deserves that money could also write an explanation to go with their picture.

Added bonus, it would help sell newspapers.

–
AIG executives may soon have to give back their bonuses for poor performance. Wonder how long it would then take the Yankees to ask A-Rod for his playoff shares

–
USC’s mens basketball team was a surprising entry into the NCAA tournament by virture of their winning the Pac 10 tournament .

Some found this an especially impressive achievement due to the fact they were using the Clippers’ dressing room at the Los Angeles Staples Center. But really, what team defines high college level talent better than the Clippers?

–
President Bush says he will write a book on how he made his presidential decisions. To increase sales, the book will come with a free replica Magic 8 ball.

–
Or

Former President Bush says he is writing a book on how he made his most important presidential decisions. The book, of course, will be ghost-written by Dick Cheney.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Countdown to March Madness…

March 17, 2009

Yes, it’s that time of year again. When millions more Americans find themselves not working, even the ones with jobs.

–
Really, really bad pun alert.

The Cleveland Plain Dealer reported that many men schedule vasectomies during March Madness, so they can have something to watch at home while they recuperate. One doctor said his schedule around the tournament games is full.

So what about those who called too late? Guess they missed the cut.

–
A semi-serious thought about March Madness. For football schools still resisting a playoff system, consider this. For the next few days, 64, actually 65, teams, will be scrutinized and followed seriously by millions of Americans. Even small schools. Underdog winners will become national darlings and the talk of newspapers, television and the internet.

Say, anyone remember if there was an upset in the Poulan Weed-Eater Independence Bowl?

–

Bad timing for AIG, if that news about their bonuses had leaked a few days later…most Americans would have been so busy following their brackets they might not have noticed.

–
AIG might have accomplished the impossible: making Nadya Shulman look deserving by comparison.
–
AIG could be on its way to setting records for having executives make money while accomplishing nothing. Previous records have been shared amongst executives of airlines, NBC, Congress, and of course the Chicago Cubs.

–
Then there’s the World Baseball Classic. An apparent attempt to make baseball as relevant to most Americans as hockey.

U.S. Manager Davey Johnson is actually talking about Team USA forfeiting and bowing out of the WBC due to injuries and the risk of futher injuries. Yep, just giving up. Which would be embarrassing, though for next year several players might be named honorary members of the French team.

–

More on that Bush library. But really, isn’t having a library for George W. Bush like building a museum dedicated to the Cubs in the World Series?

–
Or – more fill-in-the-blanks…

While we’re talking unlikely libraries, how about unlikely books…

a library dedicated to George W. Bush is about as likely as…

having a book written about the tact and discretion of Ann Coulter..

or the good judgment of AIG executives.

or the team spirit of Terrell Owens.

or the decisiveness of Brett Favre.

this could go on, and on…

And no word yet on if the $300 million Bush library price tag even includes crayons.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Newer Entries »