Posted tagged ‘Madoff jokes’

Yankees jokes – is that becoming redundant?

May 9, 2009

You have to wonder, how many people in New York lost money in bank stocks or with Madoff, but had to figure, one solid investment would be their Yankees season tickets.

Especially when they sold their expected playoff tickets.

New Yorkers faced a tough decision in a poll last week asking who they would prefer to have as governor.  Disgraced former governor Eliot Spitzer, or unpopular current governor David Paterson.  Many complained it was like being asked to chose between the Yankees and the Mets.

One name that has moved up about 10,000 places on the most popular baby name list – Barack.    One name that has probably moved down about 10,000 places  – Bernie.

The new Star Trek movie is being billed as “not your father’s Star Trek.”  Which is shocking.  Trekkies fathered children?

As a political statement, Kenyan women have vowed to abstain from sex with their husbands.  One frustrated man has already filed a lawsuit..  Wonder if his lawyer will be John Edwards?

Bud Selig says he plans to talk to the Yankees and Mets since he has noticed their unsold seats.    Okay, so the guy notices unsold seats, but didn’t notice anything was going on during the steroid era?

Even by teenager standards, this is selective attention.

But let’s see, want to fill the stands with people… what would do it…I don’t know, maybe sluggers suddenly going on home run binges ?   Wonder how Selig could help that happen?

 

As the 2009 San Francisco Giants were shut out, AGAIN, this time by the Los Angeles Dodgers, a question comes to mind:

What’s the difference between the Giants and their website?

The website regularly gets some hits.

From an IGA in Cincinnati, Ohio, from an elderly white man to a woman(my friend)  in front of him in line.

“You know, some said pigs would fly before we had a black president, and guess what?  Swine flew.”

Manny Ramirez was caught taking women’s fertility drugs.  Some people are never satisfied.  It’s not enough to be one of the top sluggers  in baseball, he wanted to be Octomom.

President Obama received good reviews for his comic performance at the White House Correspondents’ dinner.  But really, how can you doubt the sense of humor of someone who gave us Joe Biden?

In Miami, a popular Catholic priest, Alberto Cutié admitted last week that he is in a relationship and in  love with a divorced woman with a 14 year old son.

The Vatican reaction was mixed. half think it’s a major sin, the other half are just glad he’s not in a relationship with the son.

Idol mistakes.

April 8, 2009

For the second time this season, American Idol ran so long in their live show that they went past their scheduled finish. Thus viewers who recorded the episode missed the best part.

Who’s their technical  consultant?  Joe Biden?

A major character on Fox’s “House” left the television series to take a position with the Obama administration because he couldn’t do both jobs at the same time.

Shame  Fox’s “24” never thought of offering an acting job to Dick Cheney.

 –

The show is down to their final seven contestants.  Will be interesting to see if they get down to one before American car companies.

 

A thought while watching Opening Night at A T and T Park, the SF Giants vs. the Milwaukee Brewers:

The television announcers said “If you are looking for the Timberwolves-Warriors NBA  game, it’s on alternate channel …”

The Timberwolves are 23-55, the Warriors are 28-49.

The question is  “Why?”

Or rather, what they should have said “If you’re looking for the Timberwolves-Warriors game”  maybe it’s time to get a life.

Some folks say we don’t have enough good news these days.  Well, how about this… The President of the United States just got back from a trip to Europe,  and he didn’t embarrass the country once.

On the other hand,  President Obama is returning from Europe to face the hard realities of some campaign promises at home.  As in, it’s April.  Where is the puppy?

 

Bernie Madoff’s Mets season tickets will be auctioned online after his arrest for running a Ponzi scheme.

A Ponzi scheme is when investors pay money with no real chance of return…sort of like buying season tickets for the Mets  for the rights to buy tickets for any potential playoff games.

Lucky or unlucky number 13?

March 11, 2009

The Los Angeles Dodgers hope that adding Manny Ramirez to the team will help keep their fans from leaving games in the seventh inning. Well, that and the fact that many of those fans will be sleeping in their cars anyway.


One more thought on those $99 Manny Ramirez fares offered by JetBlue. There’s apparently no maximum stay rule – on the Manny fares you get bored wherever you go and want to leave soon anyway.

Its that time of year, when law enforcement tries to stop illegal gambling by cracking down on NCAA basketball pools. As opposed to legal gambling in the stock market.


This next is from the very funny Jim Barach:

“Wide receiver Terrell Owens was released by the Dallas Cowboys. You know things have gotten out of hand when you have become too loud and obnoxious even for Texas.”


New Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele may already be facing a no-confidence vote. Really, just how bad do you have to be after the last guy in charge presided over Sarah Palin’s $150,000 shopping spree? Not to mention the GOP’s losing the Senate, the House and the Presidency.


Interesting results for viewers trying to vote for contestant number 13 on American Idol Tuesday night. The phone number shown for her ended in “36.” But if callers followed the natural progression of numbers for other contestants ending in 13, they ended up dialing a phone sex number.

Well, add to a long list of excuses “Honey, I was just trying to vote for American Idol.”


Bernie Madoff has agreed to a plea bargain that could mean 150 years in prison. Many Americans are hoping that at least some of that time can be spent in the stocks.


Madoff actually may not realize he could really get a 150 year sentence. The man is used to rather exaggerated numbers.


Let’s see a show of hands from all those who expected the Netherlands to go through to the second round of the World Baseball Classic? Heck, lets see a show of hands from all those who even knew the Netherlands was IN the World Baseball Classic.