Posted tagged ‘Jack McKeon jokes’

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One hit wonders?

June 21, 2011

These days that describes what a lot of major league ballplayers aspire to be on a given day.  (11 Major League Teams are hitting under .250)

 

Nearing the midpoint of the 2011 season, the San Francisco Giants have 46 home runs as a team. Considering that Posey and Freddie Sanchez could be both out for the season, wonder if there’s a chance that the team won’t match Barry Bonds’ 2001 total of 73?

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Buster Posey is out for the year after a collision at home plate. Albert Pujols is out over a month after a collision at first base. And Bud Selig is just trying to think of a rule that would basically translate to “Don’t run into superstars.”

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San Diego Zoo officials are delighted to announce the arrival of a new baby gorilla, the first gorilla born at the Safari Park in nearly 11 years. The only potential worry – some think the baby looks a bit like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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NHL star defenseman Nicklas Lidstrom has announced he will return for a 20th season with the Red Wings. Which is a big relief to Detroit fans, who were worried he would decide to spend more time with his grandchildren.

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Glee’s co-creator Ryan Murphy has indicated that the show’s seniors leave the show after season three because they will actually “graduate.” Makes sense. For the most part they’re playing singers, not football players.

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Ryan Dunn, 34 ,one of the stars of MTV’s “Jackass,” died Monday in a 3 a.m. car crash. Police say speed “may have been a factor,” and a few hours before the crash he posted a twitter picture of himself drinking with friends. Sad, but sounds likely there were few people more likely to end up with a Darwin award.

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Mitt Romney is now being attacked by other GOP candidates for not signing a pledge to make abortion an absolute litmus test for judges. Anyone else getting the idea that if Attilla the Hun was running for the Republican presidential nomination he’d be attacked for being too moderate?

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In honor of Jack McKeon being back managing the Marlins, rumor has it that all hotdogs purchased at the stadium by 6pm will be at “early bird special” prices.

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Bill Schmarzo reminds us, McKeon’s Dominican passport says he’s only  36.

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From Chad Picasner:  McKeon won’t actually officially take over the club until the Marlins complete the handicap ramp from the dugout to the field.

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The riots in Greece continue. I didn’t even know they had hockey finals over there.

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John McCain claimed this weekend that there was “substantial evidence” that some of the Arizona wildfires had been started by illegal immigrants. But there is actually no evidence, as even firefighters state. And where was McCain’s outrage when a man born here in the US took advantage of Arizona’s loose gun laws to shoot all those people in Tucson?

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No country for old men, but a clubhouse….

June 20, 2011

The Florida Marlins hired former coach Jack McKeon, 80, as their interim coach. Makes a certain amount of sense – with seven NL teams batting under .250, McKeon at least has experience managing in a dead ball era.

(my friend Marty Burwell suggests, since McKeon is 80,  “insert dead ball jokes here.”

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Some think McKeon at 80 might be out of touch with today’s players. But really, don’t most young people get along better with their grandparents than their parents?

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And McKeon is apparently willing to change with the times.  He’s planning to change the phones in the clubhouse from rotary dial to touchtone.

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He’s also said as long as they keep the volume at a reasonable level,  he’s okay with players bringing in their personal CD players and boom boxes into the clubhouse.

(Yes, these could go on forever, but anyone reading should feel free to add “How old is Jack McKeon?” jokes in comments.)

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McKeon’s first move?  Seeing if he can pick up any mid-season pitching help.  Apparently he’s already talked to the Phillies to ask how that nice young man Jamie Moyer is doing after Tommy John surgery.

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Meanwhile, in the NFL, owners and players are alike are watching the McKeon story, and thinking “Okay, nobody tell Brett Favre about this.”

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Miss California was crowned Miss USA tonight, with this answer about medical marijuana – “I’m not sure if it should be legalized, if it would really affect, with the drug war. I mean, it’s abused today, unfortunately, so that’s the only reason why I would kind of be a little bit against it, but medically it’s OK.” Sounds like she has a great future in politics.

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Talk about things being darkest before the dawn:  Before this weekend Rory McIlroy was best known to American golf fans as the guy who shot the worst final round EVER when leading the Masters after three rounds. (For non-golf fans, he had a four shot lead, shot an 80, and ended up tied for 15  in April of this year .)

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An ESPN.com article is titled “How the Heat Can Improve Next Season.” May I suggest duct tape. For their mouths.

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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