Posted tagged ‘Edwards jokes.’

Lord Stanley’s Cup.

June 5, 2011

And no, for American non-hockey fan readers, that is not the latest Twitter scandal..

 

The Vancouver Canucks scored to win game two only 11 seconds into overtime. For many women who are Boston Bruins fans it was the most disappointing 11 seconds since their wedding night.
 
 
The sentimental star of game two, in Vancouver, was center Manny Malhotra, who returned to the Canucks lineup in over two months, since he took a puck to the eye.
 
Although  Malhotra didn’t score he no doubt fired up the team. And it was something that Boston fans should have learned by now  -bad things happen when it’s just an example of “Manny being Manny.”
 
As Anthony Weiner digs himself deeper with every statement, one politician has found a silver lining in this mess. Because the Democrat who most fellow party members wish would just SHUT UP is no longer Joe Biden.
 
‎2-1 loss to the Rockies today. SF Giants appear to be literally a hot hitting team this year. They were hitting fine with temperatures in the mid to high 80s in St. Louis, so that should be no problem as we approach summer in SF…… Uh, never mind.
The Red Sox beat the As 9-8 in 14 innings, after Jason Varitek and Jonathan Papelbon were both ejected in the ninth after getting into it with plate umpire Tony Randazzo. (Papelbon will probably be suspended for making contact with Randazzo) Looks like Boston fans turned on a baseball game and a hockey game broke out.
Li Na today became the first Chinese player to win a tennis grand slam event when she won the French Open. Wonder how she chose tennis over the more popular ping pong in China? Maybe because in table tennis you can’t jump the net to congratulate your opponent.
A man was arrested in Orange County for alleged an DUI after his car jumped a curb, crashed through a chain-link fence and struck a small plane at John Wayne Airport. Wonder if the guy was a pilot in a hurry because he was late for his flight…
 
 
John Edwards is basically saying “Hush money is not a campaign contribution.” Jeez, makes “I did not have sex with that woman” look almost statesmanlike.
 

Longshot bets.

March 16, 2010

Meg Whitman and Steve Poizner had their first debate Monday night, in front of an organization of Republican donors who pay a $10,000 annual membership fee. Or as the GOP calls them “the middle class.”


David Beckham had successful tendon surgery which means there is a chance, a very slim chance, but a chance that the soccer star could play in the World Cup. English fans in particular just hope the 34 year old can still “Mend it like Beckham.”

“Spring forward, fall back.” Isn’t that how Cubs fans would describe their expectations for their team every year?


The last known wild wolverine in the state of Michigan was found dead this weekend, apparently of natural causes. Wonder if it’s related to the fact we don’t see Wolverines in the Rose Bowl any more either.


As healthcare reform inches closer to passage, and Limbaugh considers relocation, I can’t wait until Rush realizes one thing – Costa Rica has socialized healthcare.


There must be days when President Obama wonders if it could get any worse. On the constant bright side, however, is the fact that he didn’t choose John Edwards as his vice president.


You have to love Rielle Hunter, John Edward’s “baby mama.” She states in a GQ interview that Edwards’ decision to run for president in 2008 was “reckless.” Presumably as opposed to his decision to sleep with her “a few hours’ after they first met.


But okay, while you readers might be fillling out brackets… who would have bet on Bill and Hillary Clinton staying married longer than John and Elizabeth Edwards?


The Vatican is denying that its celibacy requirement is a root cause of the latest sex abuse scandal with priests in Europe. Sure, when a non-negotiable part of a job description is that you can never marry or even have a adult sexual relationship, there’s no chance that would attract men with….issues.

As the Super hype continues…

February 2, 2010

Rain forced media day at the Super Bowl indoors today. The Florida storm, however, did not flood the streets. Disappointing all those reporters who wanted to see Peyton Manning walk to today’s interview.

President Obama is taking some grief for his use of a teleprompter. You do get the feeling, however, that if George W. Bush was accused of over-reliance on a teleprompter that Fox News would headline the story “President displays exceptional reading skills.”

When asked about his verbal gaffes, GOP chairman Michael Steele responded -“Accidents happen, baby.” Didn’t he steal that line from John Edwards?


Or in Edwards’ case the punctuation is different:
“Accidents happen. Baby.


A new museum has opened in London – Abbaworld. No joke. With original costumes amongst other mementos. And of course nonstop music. Should be great for the London economy. Because men will hear about it from their wives and say “Honey, could we go shopping instead?.


“This just in; Brett Favre has announced he is going to get a Facebook page. As soon as he decides on his status.”


Legendary newspaper writer Herb Caen died 13 years ago today. Already there are young people and young adults in the SF Bay Area who are asking “Who’s Herb Caen?” Let’s hope in 13 more years the same demographic isn’t asking “What’s a newspaper?”


Suspended Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas wrote a contrite op-ed for the Washington Post, acknowledging among other things that guns “are not joking matters,” and that he deserved his suspension. Arenas also pledges to try to “right his wrongs,” especially insofar as the example his behavior set for young people…

Let’s see, a thoughtful apology actually accepting responsibility…. This settles it, Arenas doesn’t belong in Washington.


Johannesburg’s Sunday Times newspaper, citing unnamed friends of the woman’s family, reported that 67 year old South African President Jacob Zuma has had a child with a woman who is not one of his three wives nor his fiance. This is not expected to affect his career.

In related news, John Edwards announced he is moving to South Africa.


Scott McCarron, who allegedly called Phil Mickelson a “cheater” for using a particular kind of sand wedge, now clarifies his remarks by saying “‘It’s cheating.” but “I never called Phil Mickelson a cheater.”

I think I like “it depends what the definition of is is” better.