BP – Beyond Prevarication.
A BP executive now claims “we are doing everything we can to stop the damn leak.” Yeah, that’s what many Americans are afraid of.
(Damn shame they didn’t do everything they could to PREVENT the damn leak.)
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If the language BP sounds familiar…remember this dialogue? (verbatim)
“We’re running out of time.”
“Surely there must be something you can do.
“I’m doing everything I can… and stop calling me Shirley.”
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But President Obama is getting serious with his threats to get BP to get the spill contained. If things don’t happen soon he’s going to invite all their executives to a special dinner at the White House featuring Gulf oysters.
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Apparently President Obama’s Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan is a big Mets fan. This is actually quite a good thing. It means there will be no distractions keeping her from devoting her full attention to the agenda when the court convenes again in October.
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The NCAA has charged U Conn’s basketball program under Jim Calhoun with eight major rules violations regarding recruiting. But any future sanctions would probably involve recruiting restrictions and loss of scholarships, not a ban on postseason play or forfeiting past championships. In other words, the NCAA might slap their hands really really hard.
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Florida International’s Garrett Wittels now has a 52-game hitting streak. Amazing, at least one hit in every game for over two months. And the San Francisco Giants stated “Big deal, we have done that.”
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This story comes from the “Inside Scoop” restaurant column of the San Francisco Chronicle. But it’s too good not to share.
Celebrity chef Michael Mina has his signature restaurant, literally named “Michael Mina,” in the Westin St Francis. The formal, and expensive, restaurant also has a nice bar attached, where Giants pitcher Barry Zito was recently enjoying a drink.
Then a long-haired, scruffily-dressed young man basically sauntered into the place and made his way straight for Barry. At which point a restaurant manager intercepted him and said “I’m sorry, please don’t bother Mr. Zito, no autographs tonight.”
The young man was Tim Lincecum.
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Meg Whitman stated that she has not shown any border fences in her ads. Although in fact, she has. Now, women are familiar with the concept of forgetting things when we have bought too much. But for most of us it’s shoes or clothes, not million dollar television commercials.
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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg : New York Knicks forward Wilson Chandler was in possession of a bag of marijuana when cops stopped his car in New York. Chandler explained he has a chronic problem that requires medical marijuana; he plays for the Knicks.
Explore posts in the same categories: political jokes, sports jokes, UncategorizedTags: BP jokes, Meg Whitman jokes, Mets jokes, Obama jokes
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May 29, 2010 at 10:48 am
Florida International’s Garrett Wittels now has a 52-game hitting streak. Robin Ventura holds the record at 58 games. That means Robin is really Batman.
June 2, 2010 at 9:10 am
That is a funny Knicks/ medical marijuana joke, but I didn’t write it that I can recall. Maybe I had some medical marijuana and forgot?