Posted tagged ‘vulture capitalist jokes’

Scavenger hunting.

January 12, 2012

Mitt Romney is denying allegations that he is a “vulture capitalist.” He has a point, vultures only take as much as they need to survive.

Manny Ramirez says if some MLB team gives him another chance he could be a role model. Uh, hasn’t Manny already been a role model. As in “No matter how much God-given talent you have, if you’re lazy or a cheat you can f*ck it up.”

Glenn Beck threw out his back by bending over a coffee table. Beck will be back on air as soon as he can figure out how to blame this on President Obama.

Apparently while Governor of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney pushed for science to be included in the state’s testing system. If this leaks out Romney may lose his lead in the GOP primary.

The media are making much of a new poll saying Tim Tebow is America’s favorite athlete. But to achieve that status, Tebow was chosen by 3.0% (yes three percent) of those polled. To put that in perspect, Newt Gingrich got 9.0% in New Hampshire.

Flip Saunders, head coach of the Washington Wizards, says that he thinks his young star John Wall picked up “too many bad habits” while playing in the summer league. What, as opposed to the bad habits Wall has picked up playing for the woeful Wizards?

A new study published on the Public Library of Science says men and women are “basically different species.” In other equally shocking news, Tim Tebow just might be very thankful to his “Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

The Federal Reserve just announced that the final weeks of 2011 were the economy’s strongest. This is good news for anyone who isn’t running for the GOP Presidential nomination.

SI.com has come out with their Top 20 college football rankings. For NEXT season. Shockingly an SEC team – LSU – is ranked #1. But USC is second, Oregon is third. (Stanford is #20.) Gentlemen, start your bowl lobbying.

Hostess Brands, the makers of Twinkies, has declared bankruptcy for the second time in ten years. There are rumors the company may be forced to liquidate. Although the Twinkies they have produced should survive for at least another decade.

ESPN reports Penn State University president Rodney Erickson will be talking to alums today in Pittsburgh, “some of whom aren’t happy about the way the school handled” the Sandusky scandal, the firing of Paterno, etc…. “Some?” Really? Find me ONE alum who thinks the school did a good job.

Is this an omen? Tim Tebow and the Broncos are taking on the New England Patriots this Saturday night. For competing programming ABC is airing “Wipeout.”

A L.A. County sheriff’s deputy has been arrested and charged with smuggling drugs into jail inside a burrito. Now there’s a concept, marijuana filled burritos – it’s one way to get buyers hungry enough to finish a whole one.

If you are reading this and like sports humor especially, highly recommend Dwight Perry’s “Sideline Chatter” in the Seattle Times. (In this column from Wednesday he took one of my jokes too.)

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/sidelinechatter/2017205546_chat11.html#.Tw6RugcUYHM.facebook

Another night, another California overtime loss for Miami. The Heat lost 95 to 89 to the Clippers after Miami shot 20 of 34 from the free throw line. (.588.) “C’mon guys, it’s not that hard.” – commented Shaquille O’Neal.