Posted tagged ‘Darvish jokes’

Not so fast times.

May 23, 2014

Yu Darvish threw a 55 MPH pitch yesterday to Torii Hunter. The commentators referred to it as an eephus pitch. SF Giants fans saw it and thought more “Barry Zito fastball.”


Do get the feeling that the only way most Americans would know about the coup in Thailand is if Kim Kardashian and Kanye West were planning their wedding there and the ceremony was postponed….

Chipotle has asked customers not to bring guns into their restaurants. And in some “open carry” states, people are asking, “Wait, but how else are we going to get the morons in front of us to hurry up and order?”

Landon Donovan has been left off the U.S. World Cup team. Well, at least America’s possible best soccer player ever is likely to miss only one round.

Donald Sterling apparently will allow his wife Shelley to sell the Clippers. Guess he figured out they had about a billion reasons to do so?

Why education really SHOULD matter to student athletes. As the SF Chronicle reports, on May 3, Cal safety Damariay Drew went with his teammates to San Quentin. The idea being to show the players the consequences of bad decisions. On May 6, in Berkeley, Drew was arrested for alleged felony battery….

The Baltimore Ravens had a press conference with Ray Rice and his now wife. And the Ravens TWEETED this out “Janay Rice says she deeply regrets the role that she played the night of the incident.” Even Chris Brown is thinking this is f**ked up


The Washington Redskins responded to the letter sent by 50 U.S. Senators asking them to change their name. Saying that the team is “a positive, unifying force for our community in a city and region that is divided on so many levels.” Not sure about “positive” but “unifying” for sure. Who else but the Redskins can get the whole city together screaming “Dan Snyder s*cks!”


Colin Kaepernick and Richard Sherman are apparently the finalists for the cover of “Madden 15.” Based on the video game’s history, maybe 49ers fans should all be rooting for Sherman.

Colts owner Robert Irsay will only face two misdemeanor charges resulting from his March DUI arrest, where he was also caught with $29,000 in cash in the car and “numerous” prescription bottles. So he probably won’t do jail time but is expected to face discipline from the NFL. Probably almost as severe a punishment as Roger Goodell doles out for players with the wrong socks.

Angelina Jolie, saying that she doesn’t have it that hard as a working mom “I actually feel that women in my position, when we have all at our disposal to help us, shouldn’t complain “Consider all the people who really struggle and don’t have the financial means, don’t have the support, and many people are single raising children. That’s hard.” Who knew? Self-awareness? This could get her drummed out of Hollywood.

As tough as it is for writers out there, you’d think NFL players could hire one cheaply to edit their statements to the press. Ray Rice, talking about his domestic violence episode. “”I won’t call myself a failure. Failure is not getting knocked down. It’s not getting up.”

From my friend Alex Kaseberg “ If I was a writer for the Redskins – and they thank god I am not – I would respond to the US Senators’s demand for a name change with; “You are right, our name is awful and horrific. From now on we are the District of Columbia Redskins.”

The #SFGiants Jeremy Affeldt almost hit by a foul ball while jogging to bullpen. Giants fans amazed he didn’t end up on the DL for weeks.

Colorado’s young star 3B Nolan Arenado is no doubt heading to the DL after breaking his finger after sliding head-first into 2nd. As an SF fan, it’s good for the Giants. As a baseball fan and a mom, guys, use your heads. And not for sliding.


From T.C. “Prince Charles and Camilla have arrived in Winnipeg for the final leg of their Canadian tour. For the record, Camilla is NOT wearing a nasal strip.”