Posted tagged ‘Brandon Davies jokes’

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Expectant mothers:

March 8, 2011

Rachel Alexandra, the 2009 Horse of the Year, is in foal to two-time Horse of the Year Curlin.  Not sure if she’s formally retired, but this probably does rule out her ever competing again in Utah.

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After the announcement, Mike Huckabee immediately condemned Rachel Alexandra as a bad example to all fillies and mares out there for flaunting her out-of-wedlock condition.

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But really, back to the BYU situation.  If Davies does marry his “baby-mama,” gets reinstated for the NCAA tournament, and then they end up divorced soon after the child is born, well, it could put a whole new spin on “One and Done.”

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A Department of Transportation/Consumer Reports survey says that 63 percent of drivers under 30 admit to using handheld cellphones while driving, and 30 percent say they have sent texts from the road. The other 7 percent were too busy driving, talking on the phone AND texting to answer the survey.

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Many teams love to give out rally rags to fans during the post season. Wonder though when the NBA playoffs start in April, if the Miami Heat will give their fans crying towels.

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According to Yahoo Sports, Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel knew eight months earlier than the school admitted admitting knowing that star players were selling memorabilia. This allegation is serious enough it could get him fired from OSU, but might make Tressel the front runner to succeed Lane Kiffin at USC.

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Donald Trump criticized Republican Senator Lamar Alexander for trying to get free publicity because Alexander not only said Trump had no chance to win the GOP nomination, but added he was “famous for being famous.”   And “the Donald” allegedly said “Hey, get your own platform.”

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When they finally do cancel “The Bachelor/Bachelorette” reality series, can we hope that America will never have to hear the phrase again “in it for the right reasons?”

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The Chicago Cubs have already committed 14 errors so far this spring training. So this year the team may be known as the Cub-EEEs.

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According to CNN, Warner Brothers Television says it has terminated Charlie Sheen’s services on “Two and a Half Men” effective immediately. Apparently it was cheaper to contract with Amtrak to show actual train wrecks

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from Jim Barach:

Former Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell is reportedly near foreclosure on his Oakland mansion. Apparently even his mortgage payments fell incomplete.

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Herding cats.

March 3, 2011

 Tea  Party founder Judson Phillips is already saying that the party should make it a goal to defeat Speaker of the House John Boehner in the Republican primary, because Boehner is “only” calling for $61 billion in spending cuts, instead of the promised $100 billion. 

And somewhere, Nancy Pelosi is reading this story and giggling.

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Actually, if Pelosi and Boehner end up agreeing on anything after their terms are up, it will be that after dealing with members of their own parties, herding cats will seem like a nice retirement option.

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BYU star sophomore Brandon Davies was suspended from the basketball team indefnitely for getting his girlfriend pregnant. Well, that should silence all the doubters who wondered if Davies was NBA ready.

(Although as a friend pointed out, had he just married the gal in high school, no one would care how many kids he had.)

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Yankees first baseman Mark Teixeira has ended his relationship with longtime agent Scott Boras. So Teixeira clearly feels there are more important things in life than money. No word on when Yankees management plans to schedule him for a mental health test.

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How bad is it getting for Charlie Sheen? A Los Angeles judge ordered late Tuesday that the actor’s twin nearly two-year old boys be removed from his Los Angeles home. Apparently the judge felt they needed to be with a more responsible adult, like Britney Spears.

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As the Republican party rushes headlong to the extreme right, it’s becoming increasing clear that even George Bush, Sr, couldn’t get the GOP presidential nomination these days… Scary.

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Not to say Dancing with the Stars was scraping the bottom of the barrel for this season – but some of these “Stars” almost make Bristol Palin look accomplished.

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 A bill passed in Texas would mean anyone who “intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly” hires an illegal immigrant could face up to 2 years in jail and a $10,000 fine. With one exception – anyone hiring for such an immigrant for  “labor or other work to be performed exclusively or primarily at a single-family residence.”

 Translation, y’all don’t expect us to mow our own lawns, clean our own homes or raise our own kids, do y’all?”

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From new commenter  P. Coberly

Toyota is claiming that 80% of their vehicles sold in the last 20 years are still on the road. Do you think that would be the case if their accelerators were not stuck?

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