Archive for January 15, 2011

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Missed America?

January 15, 2011

Miss Nebraska, Teresa Scanlan, who won’t reach her 18th birthday until February, was crowned Miss America in Las Vegas.   So yes, Janis Ian, once again, at 17,  love was meant for beauty queens.

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But really, 17 years old?  Scanlan is so young not even her parents probably remember when the pageant was relevant.

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Fox announcers just stated that Seattle-Chicago will be a “really fun game” tomorrow. Translation, well, we sure as hope it will be better than this Packers-Falcons matchup where we lost much of our audience at halftime.

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Today the Green Bay Packers took on the Atlanta Falcons in the playoffs while Brett Favre sits at home. Just think, if it were up to him Favre would still be the Packers’ QB.   But then he’d have still spent the day sitting at home.

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The Ravens came up just short today, but they still hold the honor of being the only professional team named for a poem.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger said that counting expenses and lost income from acting in Hollywood films,”serving as California governor probably cost him at least $200 million,  Which alas is nothing compared to what it cost the state.

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CBS is standing behind Charlie Sheen and has announced he will remain on “Two and a half men”. But if it doesn’t work out Sheen does have a backup offer from “Jersey Shore.”

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The Miami Heat have lost three in a row since Lebron James sent his tweet slamming Cavs fans and invoking God.    Could this be the second biggest mistake Lebron has made in the past year involving a decision?

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Well, Jim Harbaugh certainly has a challenge in front of him as the 49ers coach next year. But for 2011, who would have expected he’d already have more wins than his brother.

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And the following, forwarded by my friend Michael Duca, is the link to a letter written by a Cleveland fan to the Browns in 1974, complaining about the  perceived menace of thrown paper airplanes.  Depending on who you root for, the Browns’ response might be the most fun you have with football all weekend:

http://deadspin.com/5716038/the-greatest-letter-ever-printed-on-nfl-team-letterhead?skyline=true&s=i

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Floored.

January 15, 2011

For all those who said Nike founder Phil Knight couldn’t have wasted money on anything that looked sillier than the Oregon Ducks’ BCS championship uniforms (with day-glo shoes and socks),  I give you…. the new Oregon basketball floor.

And those are trees on the wood, not water stains.

Just think, had Knight only been an SEC or USC grad he wouldn’t have to come up with all these ways to spend money on athletics-  he could have given the case directly to the players.  (or their fathers.)

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So much for the lifelong glory of that Hall of Fame football career. Actual headline today in the SF Examiner – “Former ‘Dancing with the Stars’ ‘star’ Lawrence Taylor – probation in rape case.

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The Octomom said today in an interview on Oprah that she was addicted to having children. Another shocking revelation in a week that brought us Nicole Kidman’s admission of having used Botox.

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Maine Republican Governor Paul LePage is skipping an event on MLK day and told the NAACP chapter when they complained that they can “kiss my butt.” Interesting choice of words for a man who is also opposed to gay rights.

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Rich Rodriguez, the recently fired Wolverines football coach, said he donated over 400 maize-and-blue items he amassed during his three years in Ann Arbor to the Salvation Army. The University of Michigan, equally committed to avoid waste, donated all their Rich Rodriguez items to a local composting operation.

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While soliciting bids for a plate at a charity auction, Andre Agassi, who is married to Steffi Graff, said if the bidding reached $4000, he would show the winner a naked picture of his wife on his cell phone. Bill Clinton is planning a similar idea- unless the bidding goes well, he will show the winner a naked picture of HIS wife.

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According to Manny Ramirez’s agent, at least five MLB teams have shown interest in signing the temperamental slugger. “I’ll take ‘gluttons for punishment’ for $600, Alex.”

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Tim Pawlenty says he’s either going to “run for president or open a margarita bar.” Moderate Republicans around the country are setting up a fund to get Sarah Palin a nice little leased storefront in Wasilla with plenty of tequila.

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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