Posted tagged ‘NFL playoffs jokes’

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Are we heading for a stupor bowl?

January 22, 2017

Maybe Falcons ought to pay attention to things at Levi’s Stadium w/ 49ers & reconsider tearing down Georgia Dome. #curseofCandlestick

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Atlanta goes through stadiums like Donald Trump goes through wives.

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Sean Spicer & Donald Trump getting ready to welcome Jerry Jones & 2017 Super Bowl Champions Dallas Cowboys to White House #alternativefacts

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Look forward to seeing #SFGiants raise latest World Series banner after bullpen performed magnificently in 2016 playoffs. #alternativefacts

 

#Colts have fired GM Ryan Grigson after 2 consecutive 8-8 seasons. #49ers fans wonder if Grigson was fired for over-achieving.

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#SteveKerr learned a lot from Pop: “Sean Spicer will be talking about my Magic career. 14,000 points, greatest player in Magic history.’

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Lebron posts video comparing Trump to Batman villain. Popovich & Kerr also rip President. Guessing @NBA champions White House visit has been canceled for 2017.

 

Roger Goodell going to try to hire Sean Spicer to explain how these 10 NFL 2017 playoff games so far have been most exciting & competitive ever.

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A man was arrested for allegedly pulling a fire alarm in the Pittsburgh Steelers’ hotel early this morning. Wonder if he used to be a Patriots ball boy?

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Wonder what the GOP reaction to #WomensMarch would have been if even 10% of those angry women were armed?

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Waiting for first student to challenge a failing grade on a test by saying, I wasn’t wrong, I just presented #alternativefacts

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Wanna get away? At approximately 8:00 PM ET on Sunday, January 21, United Airlines announced a ground stop for all domestic flights due to an IT issue. #IblameTrump

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So which would be a better name for a band? #Alternativefacts or #PunchingNazis?

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Kellyanne Conway just said flat out Donald Trump is “not going to release his tax returns.” So congrats to those who had Jan 22 in the pool.

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from Ben “Mr. Trump said that though he had been “hit by a couple of drops” of rain as he began his address on Inauguration Day, the sky soon cleared. “And the truth is, it stopped immediately, and then became sunny,” he said. “And I walked off, and it poured after I left. It poured.”AND THEN……..he accused the press of missing the most important part – when he walked on water!

 

Beyond the #Alternativefacts  hashtag:   Chuck Todd on “Meet the Press,” asked Kellyanne Conway why Spicer called the inaugural crowd “the largest in history”, and asked “why this ridiculous litigation of crowd size?”
She responded “Your job is not to call things ridiculous that are said by our press secretary and our president. That’s not your job.” And then.. “That’s why we feel compelled to go out and clear the air and put alternative facts out there.”

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WikiLeaks is not happy. “Trump’s breach of promise over the release of his tax returns is even more gratuitous than Clinton concealing her Goldman Sachs transcripts.”
Gosh, if only they knew some hackers.

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Presidential tweeting Sunday morning. “Watched protests yesterday but was under the impression that we just had an election! Why didn’t these people vote? Celebs hurt cause badly.”
-Then an hour later. “Peaceful protests are a hallmark of our democracy. Even if I don’t always agree, I recognize the rights of people to express their views.”
Hmm, did someone on the White House staff “borrow” Trump’s phone while he was in the shower.

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It’s not over….

January 12, 2014

Maybe not in Foxboro, but in Seattle,  a reminder of why baseball is STILL the best game. When you have momentum, the clock never runs out on you!

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Even the Stanford Band said “What was Marques Colston THINKING on that last play?” #Whodat #Braincramp

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The Saints did just cover the 8.5 point spread. So fans may not be happy but they can buy good booze to drown their sorrows #WhoDat

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A-Rod, suspended for 162 games. His response – “the deck has been stacked against me from day one.” As if almost all 52 cards in that deck weren’t placed there by the slugger himself.

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A-Rod’s suspension means the Yankees are off the hook for his $25 million 2014 salary. #therichgetricher

 

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A third DUI for David Cassidy this morning, and second in six months. Who knew when he sang “I think I love you” that the Partridge Family singer was talking about booze?

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Rangers pitcher Derek Holland says it was his dog who ran into him on the stairs, causing him to fall and hurt his knee badly enough to need arthoscopic surgery. SF Giants are wondering if it’s too late to require Jeremy Affeldt only to own cats.

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Alas tonight Indianapolis ran out of Luck.

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Causing a traffic jam over a meaningless endorsement seems as frivolous during an election as breaking into McGovern’s campaign offices. #bridgegate

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Shame Chris Christie didn’t pay more attention in History class. This bridge closure cries out for a “I didn’t really mean it when I said ‘who will rid me of this meddlesome mayor’ defense.”

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The Red Hot Chili Peppers are now part of the Super Bowl halftime lineup. Guess the NFL figured it was their only chance to have the word “Hot” associated with a game played outdoors in February.

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Apparently women’s ski jumping hasn’t been in the Olympics until now because some (men) were afraid it could damage female fertility. Uh, except which sex has the more external, and thus at risk, fertility “parts”?

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The security breach story du jour: Neiman Marcus said today that over the holiday season some customers’ card information was hacked and used fraudulently. Fortunately most Americans couldn’t afford to shop at Needless Markup anyway.

 

 

Bus to hell:  “Ariel Sharon has died. About four years after most people took him out of their Death Pools.”

 

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From Bill Littlejohn:  Ronda Rousey admits to a crush on retired MMA legend Fedor Emelianenko, saying that she’d ‘have 57 of his babies’.If she wanted 57 babies with someone, wouldn’t she have better luck with a retired NBA legend?”

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