Left Coast Sports Babe

Now Hillary Clinton is saying that John McCain has more experience than Barack Obama.

So do Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld.

“Experience” got this country into the mess we are in.

Judgment will get us out of it.

Today Packers fans woke up to the sad news that Brett Favre had retired.

And Bears fans woke up to the sad news that Rex Grossman hadn’t.

As many colleges start worrying about their positions in the NCAA  tournament, Mike Krzyzewski remains relaxed about getting a number one seed.  After his long tenure at Duke he is counting on superdelegates.
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So can we now say Randy Moss has 27 million reasons to be happy he’s a Patriot?

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Texas Tech lost by 58 points to Kansas on Monday night.  Are we sure the game wasn’t played in the Alamodome?

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And not satisfied with touting her “35 years of experience,” Hillary Clinton talked monday about her “lifetime of experience.”  Since it’s all about the years, would her presumptive running mate be Senator Robert Byrd?

The new Will Ferrell movie “Semi-pro” was the most popular of the weekend, but did not do nearly as well as most of his other films in their first weekends:

Of course, many New Yorkers stayed away because they thought it was a documentary about the Knicks.

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Another new movie, “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is getting a lot of positive pre-release buzz.  But considering that Harrison Ford is now 65 years old, might a better title have been “Indiana Jones and the Gold Watch?”

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Harrison Ford is indeed 65 years old.  Or as John McCain calls him, “a mere child.”

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Hillary Clinton’s campaign is thinking of suing over the complicated Texas primary system.  In addition, they are trying to seat the disputed Florida and Michigan delegations, and use superdelagates to win the nomination.   If this all happens it could mean that the months of primaries will just have been an expensive time consuming exercise that won’t really decide anything.  

Sort of like the NBA regular season.

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A complaint many have about the Clinton campaign is the sense of entitlement, that they were experienced, talented, and that by simply showing up they would win.  Unfortunately that only works if you are Tiger Woods. 

There has been a mini controversy over John McCain’s being born in the Canal Zone.  Barack Obama has co-sponsored a bill that makes any child born to US Military Personnel stationed overseas, automatically a natural-born US citizen.

Hillary Clinton is considering sponsoring a bill to revoke the statehood of Hawaii.

Hillary Clinton started running an ad asking “Who do you want to be answering the phone in the White House at 3am?”

So we are supposed to think that she will be especially alert because she will be awake and waiting for Bill to come home?

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And one of George W. Bush’s top aides, Tim Goeglein,  had to resign today after admitting to plagarism.    CBS  News reported that twenty columns he wrote for an Indiana paper had material copied without attribution.

President Bush was shocked – one of his aides actually reads?

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And back to sports:    The San Francisco Giants  are already starting the season without Barry Bonds.  Now they learned this week that two of their highest paid players, 41 year old Omar Vizquel, and 37 year old Ray Durham, are likely not to be available for the season opener with injuries. 

Maybe GM Brian Sabean misunderstood what it means when they refer to the National League as the “Senior Circuit.” 

So Senator Barack Obama has been dealing with some controversy regarding people using his middle name,  Hussein, which obviously has a negative connotation to many Americans.

It could be worse – his middle name could be W.

For a few minutes, the Green Bay Packers website reported today that Brett Favre was retiring,  but the page was quickly taken down.  

Good thing too, Brett certainly has never wanted for there to be any confusion about his possible retirement. 

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Arkansas running back Darren McFadden has at least one child already, and has two by two different women due this summer.  If by chance he falls far enough in the draft to be picked up by the New England Patriots, I guess their 2008 slogan will be “Oh Baby.”

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George W. Bush said today that the economy is not heading into a recession?   Which I suppose is accurate, we are already there.

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And the weekly hockey joke.    As we approach the end of February, NHL teams are beginning to think about the playoffs.  Or as the Maple Leafs call it – “spring break.”

The CEO of the Tribune Company, which owns the Chicago Cubs, has said he might sell the naming rights to Wrigley Field.

May I suggest”Coppertone” stadium?  Because your tan also will fade in September.

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If if you saw those pictures of President Bush dancing in Africa, well it had to happen eventually.  Someone who actually makes Mark Madsen look good.

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And Congress has asked the Justice Department to probe into the Roger Clemens case.  Seems like maybe they finally have learned not to trust the honesty of a man from Texas.

Injured Portland Trail Blazers center Greg Oden today endorsed Barack Obama for President.

So much for all those who say that Obama will never capture the senior vote.

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The San Francisco Giants were already facing a challenging year with no slugger to replace Barry Bonds.  Now, their Gold Glove shortstop Omar Vizquel is having knee surgery.  Manager Bruce Bochy thinks the team will be competitive – yeah, maybe with the Pac 10.

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Raul Castro is taking over the presidency of Cuba.     Without an election but appointed as the best man for the job by his brother.  Yet another reminder of how a banana republic likes to keep power concentrated in one or two families.

Kelvin Sampson received $750,000 from Indiana to resign.  Which means that since 2000 the university has now paid more than $4 million to ex-coaches and athletic administrators.

4 million to people who do nothing for the school anymore?   Well, that’s about the same deal Notre Dame has with Charlie Weis.

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And it still might be a better deal for Indiana University than the $2 million Hillary Clinton is paying Mark Penn.
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 Kelvin Sampson is getting $750,000 to leave Indiana University.  This might be the best deal ever involving a broken contract and a cell phone.

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Alfter being taken to the hospital by ambulance for an irregular heartbeat, Mark DeRosa of the Chicago Cubs was found to have a treatable heart condition.  Still, it’s surprising ….generally the ones with the heart conditions are Cubs fans. 

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Ralph Nader might have cost Gore the 2000 election, now in 2008, his entry in the race may hurt John McCain.  Because since Nader turns 74 this week, he may well remind Americans of how quickly senility can set in.

Either that or he will make McCain look young and vigorous.

It’s been a rough week for John McCain.   First the New York Times story alleging his involvement with a lobbyist, then a campaign finance issue, now even the Academy declares it is “No Country for Old Men.”

After that New York Times article on his alleged indiscretions, John McCain is riding a new wave of conservative support, and getting more donations.

So now apparently the Clinton campaign has called the Times to complain:  They should be running the story accusing her with Vince Foster.

On Hillary Clinton’s website, they refer to her young supporters as “Hillblazers.”

Which of course means that other demographics need a  name.

Those who support her because of Bill  – Hill-Billies.

Her senior supporters  –  OlderthantheHills.

Her latino supporters -with partial credit to carlos mencia – Hillofbeanos.

Her supporters who have switched to Obama –
OvertheHills.

Beltway insiders – including some super delegates  – Capitol Hills.

The New York Times reported that John McCain might have had an affair with a woman 31 years his junior. Guess in case he can’t get all the conservative votes,  McCain is trying to pick up Bill Clinton supporters.  

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And I realize this blog is short on sports jokes recently.  With the NBA and NHL playoffs about two months away, the NFL a nonissue until the draft – well, except on police blotters, March Madness a few weeks way, and spring training just starting up,  there isn’t that much going on in the world of sports.     And so not that much that is funny.

Well, not counting the San Francisco Giants saying they will be competitive this year.

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And of course, anyone in February who has tried to write any comedy, amateur or professional, owes a huge debt of gratitude to Roger Clemens.    His testimony before Congress was truly performance enchancing.

It now appears that Senator Hillary Clinton’s campaign had no real plan at all after Super Tuesday.   Because they thought that she would wrap up the nomination on that date.

So what did they do, circle February 5 on the calendar with the notation “Mission Accomplished?”

So what will Shaquille O’Neal’s role be on the fast paced Phoenix Suns?  Two words come to mind “speed bump.”

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It’s a weird world.  The US Navy can fire a missile and hit a satellite 133 miles away that was going 17,000 mph.  So why can’t NBA players hit their free throws? 

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  David Letterman said that John McCain looks like “the guy at the supermarket who is confused by the automatic doors.”  McCain angrily responded “Yeah right, since when do supermarkets HAVE automatic doors?”

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Roger Clemens withdrew Wednesday from a scheduled appearance at “ESPN. the Weekend,” an event at Walt  Disney World.  What a shame, he would have been a real headliner in Fantasyland.

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Hillary Clinton is running a new ad…The ad ends with a photo of Clinton working at her desk at night. “She understands. She’s worked the night shift, too.”

Well, duh, she had to do something while she waited for Bill to come home.

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And finally a real story from the New York Times:

 “Texas’ odd system of allocating delegates has flummoxed the Clinton campaign. Clinton told reporters over the weekend that her aides were still struggling
to understand how the state operates.

“I’ve got people trying to understand it as we speak,”  she said. “Grown men are crying as we speak. I had no idea it was so bizarre.” 

So her campaign can’t figure out the delegate system in Texas?  And Senator Clinton tells us she can fix healthcare, the economy and the war in Iraq?

So with position players reporting this week, baseball fans can start seriously thinking about spring.  Except in Toronto, where the Leafs are still falling.

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Fidel Castro stepped down as Cuba’s leader this week at the age of 81.  Yep, it took a while but that US embargo finally worked.

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President Bush is visiting Ghana on Wednesday. He’s on an Africa tour that also includes Tanzania, Liberia,  Rwanda, and Benin.   Maybe when he gets back from all those exotic places he’ll feel brave enough to visit San Francisco.  

(Note to non-Californians – W has not been to San Francisco ONCE in two terms.  Closest he got was the airport, which is in Burlingame.)

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And tonight Hillary Clinton unveiled her latest signs –  “Solutions for America.”   At this point she is changing slogans more often than she changes pantsuits.

So Hillary Clinton’s campaign does  not like the term “super delegates. ”  They prefer the term “automatic delegates.”    Just like the New England Patriots thought they were playing in the “automatic bowl.”

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Direct quote from Andy Petitte about HGH:  “I didn’t do it to try to get an edge on anyone. I didn’t do it to try to get stronger or faster or throw harder,  did it because I was told that it might be able to help me.”

 Two thoughts, help him to do what if it wasn’t to get an edge, get stronger faster or throw harder?

And yeah, guess he joins the ranks of pitchers, like Jim Bunning, who plan a post-baseball career in public office.

And NO ONE from the Obama campaign has approved this joke…but anyway…

Some pundits now say that her husband’s campaign performance may have lost Hillary the Democratic nomination.

So, it may have been a while but once again, she joins the club of women who have been screwed by Bill Clinton