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A little normalcy during tough times…

December 12, 2008

So as our nation goes through a period of incredble uncertainty and economic worries, it’s good to have reminders that some things dont change.  Such as, Terrell Owens is mad at his quarterback again.

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With Detroit suffering in part from years of just building big fuel-guzzling cars, maybe it’s sadly appropriate that the bailout plan just ran out of gas.

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The Washington Redskins have managed to win the fan voting for 9 out of 16 positions  for this year’s Pro Bowl.   This might be the only example all year of Americans approving of anything in Washington.

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The 7-6 Redskins have actually lost four of their last five games.  Well, the Cowboys have long been known as America’s team, maybe the Redskins are America’s economic team.

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Ken Mink of Roane State Community College is at 73, the country’s oldest college basketball player.  Apparently the septuagenarian guard honed his skills as a youth playing pickup games with Greg Oden.

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Texas Tech quarterback Graham Harrell leads in most passing statistics this year, but did not get an invitation to the Heisman ceremony this weekend.   Despite his having better numbers than the three quarterbacks who did.

Well, he might not get the Heisman, but he could get the Al Gore award.

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Now that Illinois Governor Blagojevich has been stopped from selling Barack Obama’s senate seat, they are breathing a sigh of relief up in Alaska that Ted Stevens lost this November.  Though to be fair,  Sarah Palin was just going to put his seat up on Ebay.

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Silver linings for some!

December 11, 2008

Well,  one silver lining in the Blagojevich scandal.  The most embarrassing thing in Illinois is no longer the Cubs.

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What’s the difference between New York and Illinois?   In New York the GOVERNOR paid to play.

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And who knew…not only is he now not the most embarrassing governor of the decade, Eliot Spitzer isn’t even the most embarrassing governor of the year.

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Of course, the silver lining in California is that it no longer looks quite so embarrassing  just to have elected another movie actor.

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Ah for the good old days, when inmates in prison wrote letters asking “Pardon me Governor?”  Now they are more likely to ask “Pardon me,  weren’t you the Governor?”

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After commenting publicly on how much he wanted to play near his home in California, C C Sabathia took the big money and signed with the Yankees.  Besides, he realized he still would probably have Octobers off.

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Rod Blagojevich… who else….

December 10, 2008

Governor Rod Blagojevich may have set new standards for political stupidity.  Even Larry Craig said “What were you THINKING?”

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To save time, the gubernatorial oath in Illinois may now start with the words “Will the defendant please rise.”

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Amazingly,  Blagojevich ran for Governor promising to clean up state government.   Isn’t that like  if John Edwards ran for president promising to restore White House family values?

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With an assist and inspiration from Alex Kaseberg  –   Interestingly,  the governor had said “Go ahead, tap my phones.”    Apparently Blagojevich is a Serbian word meaning “stupidest political crook ever.”

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There’s a new bi-partisan spirit in Illinois.  Apparently Blagojevich may end up sharing a cell with his predecessor,  former Republican George Ryan.

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Of course down in Louisiana they are shaking their heads and saying “Amateurs…”

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Governor Blagojevich is accused of trying to sell Barack Obama’s senate seat to the highest bidder.  The cynical thought,  while we try to dig the country out of this recession, maybe we should sell ALL the seats in Congress to the highest bidders?  It would raise some money, and how much worse could we do?

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President George W. Bush now says of the Iraq war “I wish the intelligence had been different.”  Isn’t that like Sylvester Stallone trying to distance himself from the Rambo movies by saying “I wish the script had been different?”

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Of course, regarding the Bush presidency, many Americans just wish HIS intelligence had been different.   And ours, in voting to re-elect him.

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Major League Baseball wants to eliminate coin flips in deciding where to play tie-breaker games.    I suppose they want to use something less controversial…like BCS computers?

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Viable enterprises…

December 9, 2008

Congress is still unsure on bailing out Detroit,  because they want to be sure that taxpayer money will be spent on a “viable” enterprise.  On the other hand, even after he picked Sarah Palin,  John McCain  still received federal campaign financing.

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President Bush said of the bailout “These are important companies, but on the other hand, we just don’t want to put good money after bad.”  Besides, isn’t that what he thinks Iraq is for?

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Notre Dame accepted an invitation to the Hawaii Bowl.  Guess it was the best way to make sure their team wouldn’t be hit again by their own fans’ snowballs.

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The Golden State Warriors finally found a cure for their nine game losing streak.  It’s called “Playing the Oklahoma City Thunder.”

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Endangered species?

December 8, 2008

President Bush has been taking some criticism for all the species he has tried to take off the Endangered Species list.  In his defense, think of all those he has added- like the middle class.

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As the Green Bay Packers lost to the Houston Texans (!),  Packers fans muttered about what would have happened if Aaron Rodgers was Brett Favre.  But then as the New York Jets lost to the San Francisco 49ers, perhaps some of them realized, Brett Favre is no longer Brett Favre.

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Bad news, good news…

December 7, 2008

Bad news today for the University of Washington, where the Huskies just completed an 0-12 season.  Good news,  the 0-12 season is over.  Detroit Lions fans are wondering how they apply for Pac 10 membership.

Bad news in November,  in that the number of Americans who do not have jobs, but who are  now not even  looking for work,  skyrocketed.  Good news, that number will soon include President Bush.

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And why Americans want a college playoff system and don’t trust the BCS, example 354, (at least).  Okay, so today the number 1 ranked team – Alabama – played number 2, – Florida, but Florida was favored, and won.  Then number 4, Oklahoma, played number 12 Missouri, and won.  Number 3 Texas was idle.

And the BCS is proudly proclaiming that they have the teams they expected in the national championship…. both with one loss.    And the only Division 1 undefeated teams, Utah and Boise State?  Nowhere in sight.   (Not to mention Penn State, USC  and Texas Tech, also one loss teams, out of the running.)   If Barack Obama had run on a college football playoff platform no telling how big the landslide might have been.

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Not so happy holidays…

December 6, 2008

According to a recent USA Today poll,  80 percent of Americans said they have had a holiday gathering ruined by a relative.   The other 20 percent said they couldn’t answer because their mother was listening.

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Barack Obama is trying to help Hillary Clinton retire her campaign debt.  Though these days maybe Hillary would have better luck if she called it a bailout.

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It is a weird world when “only” $15 billion is considered almost chump change…

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Now that Hillary Clinton is moving to the nation’s capital, how long until she announces that in her heart she really has been a Washington Nationals fan?

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O.J. Simpson will spend at least nine years in prison for his armed robbery conviction, giving him plenty of time to reflect.  Especially about the fact he didn’t try to steal his stuff back in Los Angeles.

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The chairman of the Chicago Cubs said the franchise should be sold by next spring.  Which means the new owners will get to have a full season to be disappointed.

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Greg Maddux, one of the winningest pitchers of all time, despite never having overpowering stuff, has announced his retirement.  He decided it was time when his fastball could no longer rattle glass.

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Previously undefeated Ball State lost to Buffalo in a shocking upset in the Mid American Conference football championship game.   Of course, to most casual  fans the biggest shock was that Ball State had a football team, let alone that they were undefeated.

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Oklahoma City basically stole their new NBA team from Seattle.  But how long until the Oklahoma fans beg some other city to steal their Thunder?

 

 

l

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3D football…

December 5, 2008

The Oakland Raiders were featured in the NFL’s first 3D televised game Thursday night.  Who knew?  The 3 apparently stood for Oakland’s win total.  The D apparently stood for dreadful.

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The Oakland Raiders were trounced 34-7 by the San Diego Chargers Thursday night, making them 0-10 for their last primetime games.

On the brighter side, the Raiders’ season video has been optioned as an NBC sitcom.

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Apparently linebacker Anthony Pierce will now be testifying against teammate Plaxico Burress in his gun case.  Burress thought Pierce had his back. This is what is known as blown coverage.

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Plaxico Burress’s friend and teammate Anthony Pierce will now be testifying against him. Apparently  the police gave Pierce six to ten good reasons for testifying.

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For the third time in a year, federal prosecutors have rewritten their indictment against Barry Bonds for perjury, this time dropping four counts of lying to a grand jury.  Isn’t it great in this economy to actually watch our tax dollars at work? 

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Some Democrats are already criticizing Barack Obama for not getting more involved in the economic crisis, although he won’t be sworn in for over six weeks.    Even Elizabeth Taylor had honeymoons that lasted longer than this.

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Desperation…

December 4, 2008

So at this point Detroit automakers say they will do anything for a bailout….  Anything except actually making cars Americans want to buy.

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Bill Clinton said this week that he would “stay out of Hillary’s way.”  Isn’t that what he’s been trying to do for most of their marriage?

 

Protesting a bit too much?

The New York Giants issued a 425 word statement denying that they tried to cover up Plaxico Burress accidentally shooting himself.   425 words?   The Gettysburg Address was only 272!

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One line from the statement  – “No one from the Giants had any involvement with any decision by the hospital concerning its reporting requirements relating to gunshot wounds,” said Pat Hanlon, vice president of communications.    No comment. 

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The whole incident generates a  potential followup to the question “How do pro athletes get so many DUI’s when they could easily afford personal drivers?”   As in,  “If you are a real NFL star isn’t someone in your posse supposed to be carrying the gun for you?”

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Quite a night in New York.  Rockefeller Center lit up their Christmas tree, and then the Cleveland Cavaliers lit up the Knicks.   (Final score  – Cavaliers 118, Knicks 82)

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The Washington Redskins are clinging to playoff hopes after a disappointing month has left them 7-5.  On the brighter side, they may end up with more wins than the Wizards.

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Thursday night’s NFL matchup features the 4-8 San Diego Chargers against the 3-9 Oakland Raiders.  Was this game sponsored by America’s malls?  Because it just might make most men in America throw up their hands and go Christmas shopping.

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The San Francisco Giants will experiment with yield management and market pricing next year, by holding out 2,000 seats where the price will fluctuate as game day approaches, and according to supply and demand.  Thus unused seats could end up deeply discounted. 

The Los Angeles Dodgers are studying the idea.  Their modification might be to sell seats twice, since they have so many unused after the seventh inning.

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Crisis management?

December 3, 2008

Former Oakland football coach Lane Kiffin, now hired as the new head coach at the University of Tennessee said that being with the “dysfunctional” Raiders was valuable experience.  And that “you can’t go to school and learn crisis management like going there.”

Of course, by that token the most learned people in American have worked in the Bush administration.

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Automotive companies CEOs are driving their own companies’ cars this week to Washington on their second trip to ask for loans and bailouts.   Which is a nice PR move…but if it catches on?

Just wait until the airline companies need bailouts,  their executives will keep Congress waiting for hours.   And I can already hear the excuses about lost files in luggage.

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Executives from all of the Big Three automakers will drive their own hybrids to Washington.  Many in Congress think this second bid is too little too late.  Just like Detroit starting to make hybrids.-

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More BCS madness.  The system was created to avoid controversy and confusion in choosing college football’s top teams.    So in the Big 12 title game, where the winner goes on to the national championship game,  the North division champion  Missouri will go against the as-determined-by-the-BCS South Division champion,  Oklahoma.    Texas, with an identical 11-1 record, barely lost out.

Oh and that one Oklahoma loss?  To Texas. 

To err is human, to really screw things up requires a BCS.

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There’s a new Plaxico Burress cocktail.  Just one very expensive shot.

 

 

 

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Madam secretary…

December 2, 2008

(Apologies if you see another post off  to the side, having some technical difficulties.)

 

With Hillary Clinton nominated as Barack Obama’s secretary of state, there are rumors her husband Bill will be chosen to take her place in the Senate. 

Former President Clinton was at first leery of the idea.  Aides advised him that with the demands of the Senate, he would have to spend most of his time in Washington, instead of traveling with his wife.  And Bill said… well, now that I think about it….”

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Bill Clinton said that before he would accept the New York Senate seat he would need three things:  Chuck Shumer’s support, Michael Bloomberg’s cooperation, and Eliot Spitzer’s rolodex.

 

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A recent study showed that the British are the most promiscuous people in the world in terms of one-night stands.  And Bill Clinton asked Barack Obama, “Say, have you filled that position as Ambassador to the United Kingdom yet?”

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GMAC, the financing arm of General Motors, has tightened credit to the point that only buyers with excellent credit can get loans.  So basically GM couldn’t get financing to buy their own cars.

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If convicted Plaxico Burress of the New York Giants faces at least a 3 1/2 year sentence for carrying an illegal firearm after he accidentally shot himself with his own gun at a Manhattan nightclub.  Though a good lawyer might be able to get him paroled to the Lions.
 
Actually carrying the gun wasn’t apparently the problem, dropping it was…
 
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Wonder what Burress’s defense will be, that he didn’t expect to be going to the nightclub, and was on this way to the airport?
 
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On the brighter side, if this NFL thing doesn’t work out, Burress has been offered a job working security for Dick Cheney.
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The definition of a recession is negative growth in the economy for at least two quarters. Now economists say that the United States is definitely in a recession, and has been so for a year. 
So where did all these economists come from?  FEMA?
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President Bush said last weekend that he wants history to see him as a “liberator of millions.”    For starters,  he liberated millions of Americans from voting Republican.
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This year’s Cyber Monday featured all kinds of items with prices slashed 50 percent or more.  Including stocks.
 

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Any given Saturday night, or Sunday.

December 1, 2008

Troubled New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress, already unable to play due to a hamstring injury, accidentally shot himself in the thigh Saturday night while at a New York nightclub.

It’s a shame Burress isn’t a member of the Buffalo Bills or the bullet would have missed “wide right.”

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A bit of explanation for all non-college football junkies regarding yesterday’s post.  The BCS bowl system is so messed up that the University of Texas, who finished in second place in their own division of the Big 12, could yet end up playing in the BCS national championship game if the division winner, Oklahoma, loses in the Big 12 final next week… thus leading to the next joke.

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The University of Texas, runner up in the South division of the Big 12, could yet end up national champions if Oklahoma, the team that defeated them, stumbles in the league championship round.  And Hillary Clinton wonders — is it too late to have the BCS run the Democratic party?

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The San Francisco 49ers upset the Buffalo Bills Sunday to move their record to 4-8.  Amazing.  With two more wins they could be Division 1 Bowl eligible.

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Bowl controversy series?

November 30, 2008

So for anyone who needs one sentence to sum up the BCS mess, here it is:

This season, a team could win the national championship game, and not even win their own conference.

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This year Alabama is undefeated, but could lose to Florida next week.  Florida, Oklahoma, Texas Tech, Penn State, and USC all have only one loss.  And Ball State, Utah and Boise State, all Division 1 teams, are also undefeated.   So why was the BCS created, besides of course money?

To resolve situations when more than one team could claim to be number one. 

Yeah, that’s working out real well.

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The Golden State Warriors lost to the New York Knicks 138-125 Saturday night.  The Knicks had actually scored 82 points at the HALF!  

Warriors coach Don Nelson reviewed the game tapes with plans to criticize his team’s defense.  But he found insufficient evidence.

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Barack Obama is not only planning to name Hillary Clinton his Secretary of State, he has reinstated Samantha Powers on his foreign policy team.

Wonder if this means the State Department will be known as Monsters Inc?.

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Senator Joe Lieberman will keep his committee chairmanship and remain in the Democratic caucus, despite his maddening peformance this year.   But at this point Barack Obama and the party have decided it would be too costly to let him go. 

Making Joe sort of the Charlie Weiss of the Democratic party.

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Notre Dame followed their embarrassing upset by Syracuse at home, with a complete thrashing by USC in the Los Angeles Coliseum.  The game, in fact, ended up keeping the Trojans’ slim national championship hopes alive.  Well, at least the Fighting Irish got to play before a crowd that was thrilled to see them.

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White House Chores….

November 29, 2008

A lot will be changing in the White House next year, especially with Barack Obama bringing his two young daughters to Washington.  And the president-elect has announced that Malia and Sasha WILL continue to do their chores.  Which means, unlike George W, they will have to clean up their own messes.

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Former Raiders coach Lane Kiffin will apparently be the next coach of the Tennessee Volunteers.   The university staff watched Raiders game tapes and decided that Kiffin definitely had experience coaching a team at the SEC level. 

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And for his part, after working with Al Davis,  Kiffin decided if he was going to deal with sophomoric behavior, that it might as well involve some real sophomores.

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Black Friday was a disappointing day for many high end stores this year.  And their biggest disappointment ?  The RNC is no longer shopping for Sarah Palin.

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Post turkey…

November 28, 2008

Edna Parker, the world’s oldest woman , died this week at the age of 115.   Apparently she had been heartbroken about that  “nice young man” John McCain losing the presidency..

 

The NFL featured three games on Thanksgiving.  Eagles fans are thankful Donovan McNabb is back, Cowboys fans are thankful to see their team’s hot streak continue, and Lions fans are thankful there are only four weeks left in the season.
 

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The  Olympic modern pentathlon” will now be reduced to four events.  And President Bush said “Well, I’m glad they finally got that right.”

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The White House accidentally sent out Hanukkah cards with Christmas trees and wreathes on them.  It could be worse, President Bush had originally wanted them to read “Happy Passover.”

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Mets fans are not thrilled with the name of their new stadium, which is scheduled to be known as Citi Field.    Some just think it is inappropriate, others think that any bailout should have included thee Mets bullpen.

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Turkeys of the Year…

November 27, 2008

It’s not a terribly original idea, but why mess with a winner?   In a year with so many contenders, here are my choices for a few of the turkeys, and turkey moves, of the year….

Sports first.

Whoever had the bright idea of spending over $4 million – including a buyout to his old school, West Virginia, to hire Rich Rodriguez as the new Michigan football coach.  While many expected a transition year, few expected a 3 and 9 record.  On the bright side, no one’s talking any more about that loss in 2007 to Appalachian State.

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The Oklahoma City Thunder.   Group effort, players and management.  Besides stealing the team from Seattle. management came up with a silly name,  and made the Warriors give up their Thunder mascot.  As for the players, well,  1-14 speaks for itself.  Some sympathy here for the citizens of Oklahoma City who have never had a major professional team before.  And they still don’t.

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The BCS – probably a Hall of Fame contender in any top turkey list.  But this year they could outdo themselves, with a strong possibility of seven strong one-loss teams, and two undefeated smaller conference teams (Ball State and Indiana.)  Barack Obama wants a college playoff system – had he announced this before the election he might have won the South too.

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Politics.

Mark Penn –  for so many reasons, the capper being perhaps the fact that he didn’t know that the California Democratic primary was winner take all.   And for taking a  New York Yankees level type payroll and getting  New York Yankees type results.  (Although campaigns don’t even have to pay a luxury tax.)   On the other hand, if Hillary likes the Secretary of State job she can thank him for helping her get in that position.

Bill Clinton  – for deciding the week of the South Carolina primary to remind everyone that Barack Obama was black.  Like we wouldn’t have noticed.

Ralph Nader would have won, except nobody cares anymore.

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Turkey Eve..

November 26, 2008

Apparently after the President pardons a turkey for Thanksgiving, that turkey, and an alternate, will be flown first class from Washington to Los Angeles, yes, in the first class cabin, where they will be Grand Marshalls in Disney’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.  (Disney pays for the flight .)  The flight is apparently registered with the FAA as United Turkey 1.   

Does this really need a punchline?

(But okay, not to be confused with President Bush’s flight home to Texas January 20, which presumably will be now registered as Turkey 2.)

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Notre Dame’s student fans were apparently so incensed with the the Fighting Irish’s lousy performance in a loss against lowly Syracuse last Saturday that they threw snowballs at their own team.  The university is considering sanctions, although those who hit their targets have been invited to try out for quarterback.

 

The San Francisco Giants, who have already made one of the worst free agent signings of the decade with their long term big money contract to Barry Zito, are apparenlty considering making an offer to C.C. Sabathia.  Maybe they want him to bat fourth?

(note to anyone who doesn’t follow baseball closely, and thus is thinking, “huh?’ about that last joke.  C.C. Sabathia is one of the best hitting pitchers in the major leagues.)

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The NIMF – (National Institute on Media and the Family)  –  has come out with their list of ten  games that are too violent and that parents should not buy for their under-17 children  And coincidentally, those same ten games have jumped to the top of many children and young teenagers’ wish lists.

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tacky joke alert.

When Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey, the camera showed another turkey being slaughtered in the background.  Which has prompted calls from the American public for President Bush to pardon a banker or automaker.

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Lots of birds playing in the NFL’s three Thanksgiving Day games.  The Seahawks, Cardinals and Falcons in the later games. And of course the turkeys from Detroit in the first game.

 

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And finally, ah for the good old days… when toxic assets were simply buildings with abestos.

 

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Monday mourning quarterbacking?

November 25, 2008

How quiet did it get at LP Field in Nashville as the Titans saw their perfect season end?    Quieter than the evening Amtrak train to Wilmington with Joe Biden now living in Washington.

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How bad is the season going for the Detroit Lions?  The team season highlights DVD will feature their bye week.

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Eddie Jordan was fired as the Washington Wizards coach after the team got off to a 1-10 start.  What does it say about this country that we can fire a lousy coach after a month,  but for a lousy president we have to wait four years?

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And “24” kicked off the 2009 season with a 2 hour special teaser to hold fans until January.  In the first season, they featured a black President. This new season will feature a woman president.  

Wonder if Hillary Clinton suggested the episode title?   “Redemption.”

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Ford Motor Company led the insurance industry’s safest car list this week.  Well, it makes sense, cars are certainly safe if no one is driving them.

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And kudos to Florida State safety Myron Rolles, who won a Rhodes scholarship to study in Oxford.  Normally when FSU Seminoles players hear the term “Rhodes scholars,” they think it refers to picking up trash in orange jumpsuits on the highway.

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Looking ahead…

November 24, 2008

So the Tennessee Titans are perfect no more, after a loss to the NY Jets. Wonder if they were looking ahead to their Thanksgiving day matchup with the Lions.

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Some wonder why Hillary Clinton is apparently going to accept the Secretary of State position with Barack Obama.  Well, for starters, he’s likely to treat her better than the last Democratic president.

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Many pundits have commented on how many very competent people Barack Obama is choosing for his adminstration.  But for Washington fans of incompetence, don’t worry, there’s still the Wizards and the Nationals.

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The 1-10 Wizards have already had so many bad losses this year that some are thinking of renaming them the Washington Republicans.

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The Italian Finance Minister claims that Pope Benedict XVI was the first to predict the collapse of the stock markets in a paper he wrote in 1985.  Of course, economists have only  predicted about 10 market collapses since then.

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President Bush says he’s a fan of the environment but I’m not sure he gets it.  When he heard that the Volkswagen Jetta was picked the “Green Car of the Year,”  he responded, but “Yeah, but I’ve heard the Prius is the best environmental blue colored one.”

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According to ESPN, Adam “Pacman” Jones is “finally down to his last chance.”  Any more missteps and he will be sentenced to play for the Detroit Lions.

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Why online advertising is dangerous:

November 23, 2008

From the front page of NYTimes.com Sunday morning:

This headline about the mess at yet another bank:

The Reckoning

Citigroup Saw No Red Flags Even as It Made Bolder Bets
By ERIC DASH and JULIE CRESWELL
Much of the damage inflicted on Citigroup was caused by
errant, high-octane trading and lax oversight, critics say.

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across from this ad:

 

Click Here

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