Posted tagged ‘Paris Hilton jokes’

We’ll always have Paris…

September 2, 2010

Paris Hilton that is, a one-woman economic stimulus package to comedy writers.

Now she says she thought the cocaine in her purse was gum. Sort of puts a whole new slant on the concept of “Blowing bubbles.”


But let’s see, mistaking cocaine for gum? Makes that “flaxseed oil” defense sound almost reasonable.


I suppose Paris could have used the defense that she thought the marijuana was oregano, but that would have required at some point in her life that the woman had been in a kitchen.


Lindsay Lohan says she is not an alcoholic or a drug user, and that she is “no longer young and irresponsible.” Of course not, she is now grown up and irresponsible.


Burger King is reportedly in talks to be acquired by a private equity firm. The companies are said to be working out final stock purchase details, as in “Do you want fries with that?”


President Obama called former President George W. Bush yesterday before his speech on the Iraq War. It was partly to be conciliatory and above politics, and also to tell W. that while Obama was redecorating the Oval Office he had ordered staff to put all of Bush’s art projects in a safe place.


An attorney testified today in the McCourts’ divorce trial, that Frank McCourt told her he wasn’t going to sign a revised marital agreement that would share the Los Angeles Dodgers with his wife. If Frank really wanted to make Jamie, suffer, however, he would have given her the whole team.

During practice yesterday, Kendall Langford of the Miami Dolphins apparently lost a 2.5 carat diamond earring valued at $50,000 on the field. It was the most ridiculous waste of money during the preseason since JaMarcus Russell was still doing drills with the Raiders.

In the California leglislature, it’s another year, another deadlock. We can’t even call the California budget a political football – – you can actually pass a football.


Also in Calfornia, in Carly Fiorina’s Senate debate with Barbara Boxer, Fiorina compared the state’s economic climate unfavorably to China’s, saying “China has done wonderful things to create jobs.”

This may be true, but even now in the California the unemployment rate isn’t so bad for eight-year olds.

“Arrested” development

August 31, 2010

Mizzou’s football team has now had three DUI arrests in the past couple month. Looks like Missouri has now become the “Show me your license and registration” state.


According to the New York Times, Stanford’s star quarterback Andrew Luck has a 3.55 GPA and an architectural design major. Said football players at Cal, “what’s architectural design?” Said football players at USC “what’s a major?”

Manny Ramirez is expected to join the White Sox Tuesday. His new Chicago teammates will celebrate by throwing him a nice little baby shower.

A recent Fox News poll showed 64 percent of Americans think it’s wrong to build a mosque near ground zero. Just wondering, what are those other 36 percent doing listening to Fox News?


Elin Nordegren said she gave the “only interview I’m going to give” on her divorce from Tiger Woods to “People” magazine. Now she’s on the cover of Britain’s “Hello” magazine, with her “one and only interview” on the subject. Maybe the celebrity she should have married was Brett Favre.

Paris Hilton has been arrested for the third time in a little over a month, this time for cocaine possesion. Though she claims she was carrying someone else’s purse. You’d think for all the money she has, the woman could buy a clue?


To be fair to Paris, she doesn’t have a lot to do with her time. Maybe she’s auditioning to be the poster girl for the Cincinnati Bengals?


A NY Times article saying the percentage of registered Republicans in Orange County has dropped to 43 percent. Of course, the richest Republicans won’t register until they decide to run for office.


Meg Whitman was apparently called for jury duty and attended the first day of juror selection. Scary thing, she already now has more judicial experience than she has political experience.


from Gary Morton : On the NFL going to 18 games: we’ll finally get the answer to that old joke, “where do they bury the survivors?”

This one’s a little over the top but it’s an interesting take on the economy, seen on a sign in London – “Buy more sh*t or we’re all f**ked.”