Posted tagged ‘John McCain’
December 16, 2008
With so many games, including the BCS, fans don’t really seem to get college football’s bowl tradition anymore. In fact, in a poll of those planning to watch the Rose Bowl between Penn State and USC, most thought “the grandaddy of them all” referred to Joe Paterno.
–
Florida Quarterback Tim Tebow didn’t win his expected second Heisman, despite having the most first place votes. On a brighter note, he did receive a congratulatory phone call from Al Gore.
–
The Redskins had their playoff hopes dashed Sunday by the lowly Cincinnati Bengals. This was the most embarassing thing to happen in Washington since Saturday.
–
An AP headline proclaimed “It’s official, Barack Obama elected 44th president.” The headline was referring to the fact that 538 electors cast their votes Monday.
Coincidentally, the same headline appeared in a FEMA press release.
–
Silly limerick time.
David Paterson’s office accused SNL of taking cheap shots about his disability. Last week’s “Weekend Update skit showed the legally-blind Governor looking confused and disoriented, and often walking in front of the camera when it was not his turn to speak. SNL responded that they would never make fun of Paterson’s eyesight, rather they were spoofing John McCain at the last town hall debate.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: "grandaddy of them all", Al Gore, David Paterson, George Bush, Joe Paterno, John McCain, SNLl, Tim Tebow
Comments: Be the first to comment
December 15, 2008
The two teams with the NFL’s best records – the Titans and Giants – both lost Sunday, along with the division leading Cardinals and Broncos. And the Steelers barely escaped with a win on a controversial touchdown call.
Most Americans haven’t seen so many high-flyers come down to earth since they opened their last 401K statement.
–
Rumor has it that Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich may resign as early as Monday. That is, once he negotiates a comfortable fee for his appearance on Court TV.
–
Joe Biden has indicated that despite the fact that he will be a heartbeat away from running the country, he intends to keep a lower profile than his predecessor. Besides, he thinks Obama will be a far more competent leader than Cheney was.
–
An Iraqi journalist threw a shoe at George W. Bush, but just missed hitting the President. Although he was close enough that he will be offered a tryout by the Detroit Lions.
–
An Iraqi man threw his size 10 shoe at President Bush this weekend, but just missed his target. Fortunately there’s no chance the President will have to worry about shoes thrown by Bozo – due to professional courtesy.
–
President Bush feels confident he will not have to face any shoe attacks back in the U.S. The way the economy is going, most Americans can no longer afford a backup pair.
–
John McCain would not commit to backing Sarah Palin for the presidency in 2012. Though in the spirit of bi-partisanship, President-elect Obama said he thinks she would be a great choice as the Republican nominee.
–
The Cleveland Indians just signed a two year deal with Kerry Wood. Wood said he was happy with his new team, and also promised to be healthy and ready to be injured in spring training.
–
And two great efforts from Nick Coombs:
An announcement is expected today that the AFL will forgo the 2009 season. This, combined with the recent signs of financial trouble within the WNBA has led ESPN executives to wonder what they are going to do with their ESPN2 3AM lineup.
–
How are the New York Giants and the New York Knicks similar?
Neither team has players that know how to shoot.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Barack Obama, John McCain, Kerry Wood, New York Giants, New York Knicks, President Bush, Rod Blagojevich, Sarah Palin
Comments: Be the first to comment
December 9, 2008
Congress is still unsure on bailing out Detroit, because they want to be sure that taxpayer money will be spent on a “viable” enterprise. On the other hand, even after he picked Sarah Palin, John McCain still received federal campaign financing.
–
President Bush said of the bailout “These are important companies, but on the other hand, we just don’t want to put good money after bad.” Besides, isn’t that what he thinks Iraq is for?
–
Notre Dame accepted an invitation to the Hawaii Bowl. Guess it was the best way to make sure their team wouldn’t be hit again by their own fans’ snowballs.
–
The Golden State Warriors finally found a cure for their nine game losing streak. It’s called “Playing the Oklahoma City Thunder.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: auto bailout, Detroit, John McCain, Notre Dame football, President Bush
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 28, 2008
Edna Parker, the world’s oldest woman , died this week at the age of 115. Apparently she had been heartbroken about that “nice young man” John McCain losing the presidency..
The NFL featured three games on Thanksgiving. Eagles fans are thankful Donovan McNabb is back, Cowboys fans are thankful to see their team’s hot streak continue, and Lions fans are thankful there are only four weeks left in the season.
–
The Olympic modern pentathlon” will now be reduced to four events. And President Bush said “Well, I’m glad they finally got that right.”
–
The White House accidentally sent out Hanukkah cards with Christmas trees and wreathes on them. It could be worse, President Bush had originally wanted them to read “Happy Passover.”
–
Mets fans are not thrilled with the name of their new stadium, which is scheduled to be known as Citi Field. Some just think it is inappropriate, others think that any bailout should have included thee Mets bullpen.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Detroit Lions, Edna Parker, John McCain, Mets, President Bush, world's oldest woman
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 8, 2008
A recent poll said that 64 percent of Republicans want Sarah Palin to run for president in 2012.
And presumably about 100 percent of Democrats.
–
Though to be fair, McCain-Palin did win every state she could see from her house.
–
Ralph Nader was chastised by Fox News anchor Shepard Smith for using a derogatory racial term to describe President-elect Obama.
Isn’t being chastised by Fox News on political correctness like being chastised by John Edwards on family values?
–
In the end, Hillary Clinton turned out be a real soldier for Barack Obama. Ironically, some of her best campaigning came after Obama told her he thought he might be able to give her an important role in his administration, but it wouldn’t come with a first-lady type job for her husband.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: John McCain, Sarah Palin
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 7, 2008
Ryan Leaf was placed on “administrative leave” from his job as an assistant quarterback coach at West Texas A & M over drug allegations, ten years after he was the number two choice in the NFL draft.
Yep, he’s right on track for a future career in “Celebrity boxing.”
–
All of a sudden, Peyton Manning’s 4-4 start with the Indianapolis Colts doesn’t look so bad. (Manning was drafted number one in the 1998 draft, Leaf was number two.)
–
The Los Angeles Dodgers have offered a hefty two-year contract to Manny Ramirez, but may end up being outbid. Hey, times are tough, especially when you only get concession revenues from the third to the seventh inning.
–
On election night, Oprah ended up crying on the shoulder of a stranger, who turned out to be an Obama volunteer from California. Sam Perry, aka Mr. Man, said he didn’t mind a bit, after all as a Democrat he was used to women crying on election night.
–
John McCain’s staff denied there were any bad feelings late in the campaign between the Senator and Governor Palin. They also denied that McCain had had any “buyer’s remorse’ about the pick. In fact, one aide said that John had even suggested Sarah go hunting with Dick Cheney.
–
The Denver Broncos defeated the Cleveland Browns, in “Thursday Night Football.” Or, as the NFL refers to its new scheduling policy: “If we can find a night we think you will watch we’re playing a game.”
–
And once again, the Oakland Raiders home game Sunday will be blacked out in the San Francisco because the team didn’t sell enough tickets. Is this really the right strategy. Maybe the threat should be, if you don’t buy tickets, we’ll black out the alternate game between two real teams.
–
And after Barack Obama’s historic win, Americans stockpiled newspapers Wednesday morning to save for their grandchildren. Who will probably ask someday “What’s a newspaper?”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Barack Obama, John McCain, Oakland Raiders, Oprah, Ryan Leaf, Sarah Palin
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 4, 2008
Pittsburgh Steelers receiver Santonio Holmes returned after being benched for a game after police found marijuana cigars in his car. he caught three passes for 30 yards including a five yard touchdown pass. He denied rumors that the touchdown catch was a “high-five.”
–
On interviews during the halftime show of Monday Night Football, John McCain said he’d like to get performance-enchancing drugs out of sports. Barack Obama said he’d just like to see a playoff system in college football. That settles it – they’re BOTH unrealistic dreamers.
–
A prankster purporting claiming to be President Sarkovy calling from Paris managed to dupe Sarah Palin into a conversation. But to be fair, Governor Palin said she hadn’t talked to anyone speaking Parisian before.
–
And finally on election eve. The Arizona Cardinals are in first place and the Tennessee Titans are undefeated. The New York Yankees didn’t make the playoffs, and both the Philadelphia Philles and the Tampa Bay Rays made it to the World Series. By comparison, you could have probably gotten better odds on the U.S. electing a black man to be our next president….
–
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Barack Obama, John McCain, Monday Night Football, Sarah Palin
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 3, 2008
Someone, apparently an Obama supporter, chartered a plane in Oakland to fly over the stadium with the banner “McCain is a Raiders fan.”
Okay, now this negative campaigning is going too far.
–
After Baylor barely lost to #14 Missouri in football their coach Art Briles said “It was a very emotional, very draining non-win.”
Well, if he loses his job at Baylor, Briles may have a great future with the Republican party.
–
The Washington Nationals have announced plans to lower the cost of some tickets in 2009. This will put their prices more in line with other AAA teams.
–
Kudos to the San Francisco 49ers. At least they didn’t embarrass themselves this Sunday with a bye week.
–
Rewritten joke from yesterday:
Halloween is over and President Bush really enjoyed himself. Although he was surprised to hear from John McCain about the new tradition of keeping your mask on until November 5.
–
You have to love American elections. All this money, time and effort spent on convincing people who aren’t smart enough to have made up their minds until the last minute.
–
Wouldn’t it be nice to have a V-chip or something similar for early/absentee voters? Then if you vote, you could get a chip for your television that would mute political ads until after the election….
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Barack Obama, elections, John McCain, negative campaigning
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 1, 2008
President Bush enjoyed Halloween. But with the election approaching Tuesday, he’s waiting for the Republican National Committee to tell him he can take the mask off.
–
The University of Michigan is paying almost $2 million to new coach Rich Rodriguez, in addition to a $2.5 million payment to West Virginia to buy out his old contract. For that money, the coach has led the team to a 2-7 record.
Well, at least the school will be able to count on saving the contract’s $50,000 to $200,000 bowl bonus.
–
Over four million in a year for a 2-7 record? Are we sure he isn’t coaching the Lions?
–
Although speaking of the Detroit Lions, who are actually 0-7, they have reportedly agreed to a two year contract with Daunte Culpepper. Guess he gave up hope of signing with an NFL team.
_
Barack Obama and John McCain will both be interviewed during halftime on Monday Night Football. Ralph Nader was also looking for an appropriate game for an interview, but the Bengals and Lions don’t play each other this season.
Barack Obama is coming to Cincinnati on November 2. Which may be the town’s only chance this fall of seeing a winner on Sunday.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Barack Obama, Detroit Lions, George W. Bush, John McCain, Ralph Nader, University of Michigan
Comments: Be the first to comment
October 29, 2008
Game 5 of the World Series, currently suspended after five and a half innings, is on hold again. Tuesday afternoon the conclusion of the game was put off until at least Wednesday.
Which meant that Tuesday night, Fox’s World Series ratings were about the same as they have been for other Series games.
–
One bit of good news for cold wet Phillies fans, because the game was suspended in the sixth and not after the seventh inning, when they resume, the stadium will not yet have cut off beer sales.
–
Bud Selig isn’t worried about what this delay might do to his sport, well, other than rename it “the Winter Classic.”
–
Who’d a thunk that the Phillies would be playing meaningful games deeper into the fall than the Eagles?
–
And back to politics. John McCain’s aides are reportedly worried that Sarah Palin has “gone rogue” and is now hurting the campaign.
Bummer, they thought they were adding Hillary to the ticket, and ended up with Bill.
–
The McCain campaign has become so fractious and disorganized and self-destructive, you have to wonder, have they all become Democrats?
–
How badly has John McCain run his campaign? If this presidency thing doesn’t work out Al Davis may decide he’s a perfect fit for the Oakland Raiders.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, John McCain, World Series
Comments: Be the first to comment
October 26, 2008
John McCain says his campaign is going well. Yep, any day now he and Governor Palin will unfurl the banner reading “Mission Accomplished.”
–
Ralph Nader says he’s set a record by giving 17 campaign speeches yesterday in Massachusetts totaling 255 minutes.
Amazing… Nader HAS 17 supporters in Massachusetts?
–
A campaign spokesman said the speeches were to “was to raise awareness that Nader is running for president as an independent. ” and that “two-thirds of the nation doesn’t realize it.” The other one-third , of course, realizes it, but doesn’t care.
The San Diego Chargers and New Orleans Saints played a regular season game Sunday in London. It’s part of the NFL’s new plan to disappoint fans on two continents.
As we approach Halloween and people are working on their costumes, rumor has it members of the Cincinnati Bengals are planning to come as professional football players.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cincinnati Bengals, John McCain, Ralph Nader
Comments: Be the first to comment
October 24, 2008
Mr. Blackwell died this week. In his honor, the Republicans are establishing an award: it’s for spending the most money you can while still looking like you shop at Wal-Mart.
–
By the way, to any new readers, this is primarily a sports jokes blog, with politics thrown in. Until November 4, however, it may be the other way around. And while I will cheerfully attempt jokes about anyone, I am an unabashed supporter of Barack Obama. (Besides, alas, he’s not that funny.) For any McCain-Palin fans, I hope you have a sense of humor about it, otherwise check back post-election. I do promise some Biden jokes.
–
John McCain accused Barack Obama of recently changing his tax plan while running for President. As opposed to himself, who changed his tax plan back when he decided to run for President.
–
Football coach Rich Rodriguez agreed to terms with the University of Michigan back in January. But he just finally on Friday signed the six year deal worth an estimated $2.5 million a year.
Good thing too, with all those other schools just waiting to steal away a 2 and 5 coach.
–
After Barry Bonds sat out most of the 2006 season after problems with knee surgery performed by his personal doctor, now comes the news that Tom Brady’s personal surgeon may have botched his knee surgery as well.
Meanwhile, in the NBA, several players have suggested to Kobe Bryant that perhaps he should look beyond the Lakers team physician for a second opinion about HIS knee.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Barack Obama, Joe Biden, John McCain, Kobe Bryant, Rich Rodriguez, Sarah Palin
Comments: Be the first to comment
October 22, 2008
Fox has made no secret of their preference for a McCain-Palin victory in November, But alas, the biggest October surprise has turned out to be a Phillies-Rays World Series.
–
How old is the ageless Jamie Moyer of the Phillies? He’s so old he can remember the last time the Phillies won the World Series.
–
How young are the Phillies and Rays on average? Even Barack Obama says they’re inexperienced.
–
Oops. John McCain slipped up at a campaign rally in referring to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Not the Rays as they have been known this season. But to be fair, most folks in the Tampa/St. Pete area don’t know about the name change either.
–
These are heady times for sports fans in the Tampa area. With the NHL Lightning’s season underway and the Rays in the World Series, for the first time ever in October, they get to ignore two local teams at once.
–
The New York Yankees and Dallas Cowboys have joined up to form a company that will provide food, retail and other services at their new stadiums. And if operations go well, company staff will be free to work for other teams during the postseason.
–
There is talk of adding a second NHL team maybe by expansion, in Toronto, Canada, home of the Maple Leafs. Hasn’t the city suffered enough?
(For all you American readers who aren’t hockey fans, the Maple Leafs are the closest thing Canada has to the Cubs. Much beloved, and they haven’t won a championship in over 40 years.)
–
California Governor Arnold Schwarenegger, who has been assiduously avoiding the presidential campaign, just announced he will go to Columbus, Ohio on Halloween to campaign for Senator McCain. This way if anyone sees him, Arnold can pretend to be just another guy in a Terminator mask.
From Bill Littlejohn:
“Mr. Blackwell, composer of the annual Worst Dressed List, has passed away at age 86. A football scholarship to the University of Oregon has been established in his name”
(if you are not a Pac-10 fan this may not make sense until you Google pictures. If you are, no further explanation needed.)
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Barack Obama, Jamie Moyer, John McCain, Phillies, Rays, World Series
Comments: 1 Comment
October 21, 2008
Most Americans are working on their costumes…
Rumor has it members of the Cincinnati Bengals are planning to come as professional football players.
–
Some people like to dress up for Halloween as cheerleaders, athletes, boy or girl scouts, something from their younger lives…. Which is why John McCain is going as a maverick.
–
Online bidding went as high as $65,100 per seat for each PSL (personal seat license) for the best seats to New York Jets seats in the new Meadowlands stadium, which is scheduled to open in 2010. Lucky winners will get to pay $700 per ticket to the games themselves.
The most upset people in New York about these auction prices? Yankees management, who wonder “Why didn’t we think of this?”
–
A month ago, the Dallas Cowboys were 3-0, and the stock market was over 11,000. Guess maybe they really are America’s team.
–
And John McCain said he just “loves being an underdog.” Finally, the real reason he picked Sarah Palin.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cincinnati Bengals, Dallas Cowboys, John McCain, New York Yankees
Comments: Be the first to comment
October 15, 2008
Finally, something that both Democrats and Republicans can celebrate together.
–
John McCain’s choice of Sarah Palin as his running mate gave the Republican ticket a quick boost, but the effects seem to be fading. Can we call it a “dead moose bounce?”
–
John McCain is coming up with a new economic plan almost every daily. Some say the continual change in plans in cynical. But give the guy a break, maybe he simply can’t remember what plan he prposed yesterday.
–
Contrary to what John McCain says, Barack Obama is not “measuring the drapes” in the Oval Office. Joe Biden, however, has been rumored to be trying to get his draft of his first speech as vice-president under three hours.
–
The Dodgers are still reeling from their eighth inning meltdown Monday night. And think of how much worse it would have been if their fans had stayed around to see it.
–
Sports Illustrated has an online section at SI.com listing their experts’ picks for the World Series. Excuse me, how many of these “experts” had the Rays anywhere NEAR the World Series?
(let alone the Phillies.)
But before we get too cocky about baseball experts, can we see a show of hands for all those who predicted the last undefeated team in the NFL would be the Tennessee Titans?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Barack Obama, John McCain, Sarah Palin, Tampa Bay Rays
Comments: Be the first to comment
October 12, 2008
Saturday night Sarah Palin dropped the puck at a Philadelphia Flyers hockey game. Meanwhile, her running mate John McCain dropped the puck at a shuffleboard game.
–
Philadelphia fans did not exactly seem thrilled to see Governor Palin. They greeted her with many thumbs down signs, and loud boos. Boos that were only equalled by the ones for the Flyers after they gave up 4 goals in the first period.
–
After forty years, “Hockey Night in Canada” debuted a new theme song- “Canadian Gold.”
In the US, Fox is thinking of debuting a new theme song for the playoffs “Wait til the Midnight Hour.”
–
Not to say the game 3 starter for the Phillies, Jamie Moyer, throws REALLY REALLY slowly… But the Dodgers set a pitching machine at his speed during batting practice and the thing stalled.
–
How slowly do Moyer’s pitches approach the plate? You almost expect one of them to have its turn signal blinking.
–
Both Bill and Hillary Clinton will make a joint campaign appearance on behalf of Barack Obama, and then the former President will campaign on his own for Senator Obama. Just when things were going so well….
–
And what a weekend for college football. So many top teams went down that viewers weren’t sure if they were watching SportsCenter or Wall Street Week.
–
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, hockey, John McCain, puck, Sarah Palin
Comments: Be the first to comment
October 8, 2008
President Bush and his administration have seen their approval rating hit new lows, along with that of both Republican and Democrats in Congress. In fact, the only team exceeding expectations in Washington is the Redskins.
–
Amazingly after almost two years of this presidential campaign, millions of Americans still claim to be undecided. And aren’t these the same people who always seem to be in front of you in line at Starbucks?
–
Despite his 22 years of Senate experience, John McCain sought to portray Barack Obama, with his four years in the Senate, as being responsible for the mess in this country. Isn’t that like Al Davis blaming Lane Kiffin for the Oakland Raiders?
–
During the Presidential debate, at one point John McCain talked about “gold-plated Cadillac” insurance policies that pay for hair transplants. Oops, who gave him one of Sarah Palin’s debate index cards?
–
And some commentators thought John McCain was being condescending by referring to Barack Obama as “that one.” Nope, McCain wasn’t being condescending, he just couldn’t remember Obama’s name.
–
Since all four division series ended in four games or less, Tuesday night was the first night since the All-Star break that fans couldn’t watch Major League Baseball. To which Washington Nationals’ fans said “Welcome to the club.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Barack Obama, John McCain, President Bush
Comments: Be the first to comment
October 3, 2008
Apparently the city of Chicago has directed bars and restaurants near Wrigley Field to stop serving alcohol after the seventh inning of any Cubs potential series clinching home playoff games.
Does this really need a punchline?
–
And when asked about Barack Obama’s new lead in the polls, John McCain replied “Life isn’t fair.”
So McCain is finally acting presidential. It’s just that the president is Jimmy Carter.
–
Senator McCain’s campaign announced Thursday they were leaving Michigan. Well, finally, some proof that McCain has an exit strategy.
–
Most pundits agree that in the debate Sarah Palin met or exceeded expectations. But have we learned nothing in the last eight years other than maybe we should be setting the bar a LITTLE higher.
–
A new NBA report found no evidence of illegal activity by any referee other than Tim Donaghy. Wonder if this report was done by the same people who figured a few years back that baseball’s steroid problem was Barry Bonds.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Barack Obama, debate, John McCain, Sarah Palin
Comments: Be the first to comment
September 24, 2008
This week Sarah Palin has been travelling with John McCain to Iowa, Michigan, Pennysylvania and New York. Then after they visited the United Nations, Senator McCain took her down to Wall Street, so they could visit the state of Denial.
–
Wally Joyner resigned Tuesday as the San Diego hitting coach. This came as a surprise to the team’s fans. The Padres HAD a hitting coach?
–
Hard to believe, but kids who have become baseball fans in the 21st century think the Boston Red Sox are a dynasty and the New York Yankees are cursed.
–
Now that Chicago has clinched the NL Central: what’s the difference between a true Cubs fan and a bandwagon Cubs fan?
The bandwagon fan is already planning to wear a “Cubs World Series 2008” shirt, the true Cubs fan knows the shirt will say “Wait until next October.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: John McCain, Sarah Palin, Yankees
Comments: Be the first to comment
September 20, 2008
Earlier this year John McCain said “The issue of economics is not something I’ve understood as well as I should.”
Well, I guess this means he is ready to be president.
–
The Boston Celtics visited President Bush this week. Following in the footsteps in recent years of the Red Sox and the Patriots. Proving that it’s not IMPOSSIBLE to get to the White House from Massachusetts.
–
What’s difference between a fan of free markets and a fan of big government? About 900 points on the Dow.
–
The problem with a government bailout of an expensive mess is that it sets a precedent. in fact, it probably won’t be long until unhappy citizens ask for a bailout of the Yankees.
–
The Yankees say they will unveiled a really historic artifact from their past will be unveiled during a ceremony before Sunday’s final game. Presumably a World Series ring?
–
Although the college football season is heading into its fourth week, universities on the quarter system finally start classes next week. But at least football players at Stanford, Northwestern, Washington, and UCLA have had a taste of what it’s like to go to Florida State.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Florida State, John McCain, Stanford, Yankees
Comments: Be the first to comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 
Dubya almost was hit in the back.
But how sad but true,
That those two size 10 shoes
Were the weapons he found in Iraq