Posted tagged ‘Giants torture jokes’

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About those penalty kicks…

October 13, 2010
Halladay-Lincecum for game one of the NLCS Saturday night in Philadelphia.   Presumed over-under on the game in Vegas? One and a half.
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(A few weeks ago I wrote the Padres-Giants race for the division title might be decided by penalty kicks… on Saturday night,  for the Phillies-Giants game, it could happen.)
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And once this torture trip of a season is over,  how long will it take for the SF Giants to become the official major league baseball team of  Prilosec?
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Meanwhile, in the AL,  the Rangers-Rays ALDS series was notable because NEITHER team won a home game.    In fact,  they both had the best ratio of road to home scoring since a young Bill Clinton first hit the campaign trail. 
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But congratulations to the 1961 expansion Washington Senators, now the Texas Rangers,  for their first ever playoff win, and advancing to the ALCS.   (And in a nice touch of irony, the original Washington Senators, who left Washington after the 1960 seasons to become the Minnesota Twins, was swept in the first round.)
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And in all seriousness, add to the nice gesture the Giants made of applauding Bobby Cox during their celebration Tuesday, the Texas Rangers’ starting their clubhouse celebration with ginger ale.  (Josh Hamilton ,a team star, has admitted serious substance abuse issues, and doesn’t feel comfortable now even just being doused in alcohol.) 
The Rangers brought out the hard stuff later, but Hamilton was at least able to get wet.  And presumably, sticky.
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As if folks in the San Francisco Bay Area needed any more reason to hate Fox…. they give us Joe Buck and Tim McCarver to call the Giants-Phillies series. And a 119p start time Tuesday for the first NLCS home game.
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University Georgia tailback Caleb King became the 11th Bulldog to be arrested this SEASON. On the brighter side, in the interest of efficiency, Georgia huddles can now double as probation hearings.
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From Bill Littlejohn:  A statue of King Tut’s grandfather has been unearthed in Egypt. So, was it wearing a Packers or Vikings jersey?
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The SF 49ers have said that their offense again next week will be led by Quarterback Alex Smith. Well, makes some sense, Smith is likely to lead the team to another number one draft pick.

In the last California gubernatorial debate between  Meg Whitman and Jerry Brown,  of course the “whore” question came up. Shame the -debate wasn’t being moderated by a real expert, like Eliot Spitzer.

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At least Jerry’s wife/aide/whoever simply called Meg a  “whore.  While Whitman is going on about how offensive women find that word, I, and most of my women friends, can think of about half a dozen that are worse.

(And for anyone who’s read the internet stories about her family, it’s a bit ironic that Whitman won’t let his one go.  Google her sons and their high school and college careers for some rumors that do not exactly bespeak delicate sensibilities.)

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The Republican party is pouring money into California in hopes of helping Carly Fiorina unseat Senator Barbara Boxer.  Here’s an alternative suggestion – if the GOP really cares so much about winning that Boxer’s seat, why don’t they actually nominate a reasonable semi-moderate candidate to run against her?

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Giants baseball – okay, what’s BEYOND torture?

October 12, 2010

In the NLCS, fans may be about to find out.  (This is of course supposed to be fun. )

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SF’s  hitting hero, if you can have a hitting hero in a series where you score 11 runs, and win 3 of 4 games, is Cody Ross. Who hit a critical home run and an RBI single.

Ross was actually picked up in August, , not because the Giants wanted his bat, but simply to keep the San Diego Padres from getting him off waivers.

Proving something that women sports fans may understand more than men. .. sometimes spite is its own reward.

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And only for fans of Marathon Man will this make sense – “Giants baseball, is it safe? 

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On a brighter note, the Giants may soon become the official team of the American Dental Association.

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For Giants fans, it was a thrilling NLDS, for Braves fans… let’s just say the town hasn’t seen such a weak defense since a guy named Sherman showed up….

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Note to Atlanta fans, if you can’t fill your own stadium when the Braves are facing a playoff elimination game, and when your Hall of Fame manager might be managing his last game, you don’t deserve to see your team go on to the NCLS. (and yes, there were several thousand empty seats, by official count about 6,000, but maybe more.)

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But with Cox retiring, in a perfect world, can he take the Tomahawk Chop with him?

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Anyone looking for a team to root for, or rather root against, during the playoffs?  Here’s some numbers.  The payroll numbers for three of the teams left in the postseason- the SF Giants, the Texas Rangers and the Tampa Bay Rays, TOGETHER are barely over the the $206,000,000 million plus paid out by the NY Yankees.

2010 Numbers for the teams that are left, for what it’s worth:

New York Yankees:  $206 million

Philadelphia Phillies: $142 million

SF Giants: $97 million

Tampa Bay Rays: $71 million

Texas Rangers: $55 million.

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Meanwhile,  the Boston Red Sox $162 million, and the Chicago Cubs, $146 million.  Thereby assuring that the $150 million Meg Whitman is spending for her run to be California governor just might not be the biggest waste of money this year.

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From Gary Morton:  Disappointed that the Atlanta paper didn’t lead with a “Conrad delivers Braves to the heart of darkness” type of headline.  (Yes, okay, this may not make sense to non-English majors.)

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Google is testing a driverless car. But will it be able to text, feed you, and do your makeup?

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Brett Favre reportedly apologized to his Vikings teammates for the sexting allegations against him. Favre said he didn’t want to be a “distraction” to the team, at least until the offseason when he goes through the whole retirement decision again.

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But speaking of potentially insanely stupid texts.  Jed York, owner of the 0-5 San Francisco 49ers, texted to ESPN “We’re going to win the division.” With all due respect, he’s going to need to do more than “dabble” in witchcraft to make that happen.

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