Posted tagged ‘bailout jokes’

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The Tonight Show

March 19, 2009

President Obama appeared Thursday night on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Some Americans wondered why he could justify taking the time this week; it HAD to take his attention off the NCAA tournament.

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Should we be so surprised about all the foolish financial decisions so many Americans have made? At least five million of us are still convinced we will win our March Madness pool.

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Is there anyone else watching the tournament thinking that maybe the “Pontiac game-changing performance” should be GM building a Pontiac Americans actually want to buy?

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Apparently taxpayers’ bailout money has gone to 13 companies that collectively owe over $220 million in unpaid federal taxes. 13 tax dodging companies!? Or as Timothy Geithner calls them – “my people.”

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Investments and other jokes..

March 15, 2009

Who knew? – your Beanie Baby collection might now be worth more than your Bank stocks.

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With so many executives getting their golden parachutes and ditching financial service companies, there is the possibility of moving away and starting afresh in a new location. But what to tell neighbors about how you made your money without being so embarrassed?

At least female ex-execs have the option of saying “Oh, I used to be a hooker.”

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Apparently there is talk that the cost of George W. Bush’s library at SMU may exceed $300 million.

Must have been another of those contracts awarded on a no-bid basis to Halliburton.

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Dick Cheney said not to blame the previous administration for the country’s economic woes, saying it is just “a global economic problem.”

Fine, does this mean we can blame them for the “global economic problem?”

Maybe we should give Cheney a break, it’s probably hard for him to adjust to the fact he is no longer President.

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Despite all the bailout money and their huge losses, AIG is still paying huge executive bonuses.

Kind of puts the playoff shares the Yankees have paid A-Rod in perspective, doesn’t it.

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Or, by that standard, Notre Dame’s ten year $40 million contract to Charlie Weis actually looks reasonable..

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Bailout bailout…

March 3, 2009

One way to make sure the bailout money only goes to those companies who REALLY need it:

Announce that after President Obama finally finishes filling his cabinet, the folks vetting his nominees will also start checking the back taxes of every executive at companies receiving bailout money.

At the very least it should help the deficit.

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Why major league pitchers should wear helmets:

Curt Schilling says he would like to return to baseball, if it was to play for a “championship caliber” team like the Rays, or…the Cubs?

Or maybe the 42 year old pitcher has just officially qualified himself for the season’s first senior moment..

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Apparently wide-receiver T. J. Houshmandzadeh has agreed on a $40 million contract with the Seattle Seahawks for five years. For that much money he should be able to buy a vowel.

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John McCain’s daughter Meghan says that the presidential election has “killed her love life.” And Sarah Palin immediately told her children she is definitely running in 2012.

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Website for the octuplets?

February 12, 2009

Nadya Suleman, the mother of those in-vitro octuplets, has now got a website for people to donate money to help her take care of her now fourteen children.

What’s the site’s title? “Supportanutjob.com?”

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With all the struggles President Obama is having with a stimulus package, maybe an easy start would just be to have Michelle buy one new outfit a day, and post her picture in it on a website.

(Could in all seriousness jumpstart the clothing business)

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In these uncertain times, many Americans find themselves looking around for something stable. And yes, despite all the other changes in this world the past year, Brett Favre is still retiring.
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New toast in Green Bay – may your troubles last as long as Brett Favre’s retirements.

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Wells Fargo has been criticized for their plans to take executives on a junket to Las Vegas. In the bank’s defence, the blackjack tables might have been a better bet than some of their subprime mortgages.

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Basically many banks seem to have thrown millions and millions of dollars around casually, with little oversight or concern for results. Who did they think they were, the New York Yankees?

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In Mexico, Blockbuster Video was giving soccer fans voodoo dolls that were likenesses of American players before the two national teams met in a World Cup qualifier. To no avail. The U.S. shut out Mexico 2-0.

But come on, if voodoo really worked, wouldn’t the New Orleans Saints have won a Super Bowl or two by now?

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